Young introvert can hardly stand the noise at home

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Hello,

I am desperate for advice. I do not know how to deal with my family. I need to wear headphones constantly because they are very loud and obnoxious. I ask them, politely and gently if they can lower their voices while on the phone, or when company is over, instead of complying, I get told that I am being rude. So that doesn’t work. The sound of my mothers voice and family for that matter makes me wince. I dislike family dinners and do my hardest to avoid them because they are very nosy, loud and it is just too much for me to handle. I can’t study for my course as well, the library closes at a specific time as well does the coffee shop..I can only study at midnight but even than my mother will wake up and talk on the phone – very loudly. I don’t attend anywhere with my family because the last time I did, I received a migraine from all the loud music, loud people and just way too much happening around that I couldn’t focus. I am 18 years old and I can’t move out either, it’s a rule that you can only move out after university/college and you’ve obtained a stable job.

Please, advice would be nice.

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25 Comments

  1. It sounds like your family is incredibly insensitive and doesn’t have a clue about your introvertedness. My suggestion would be to pick one family member who might be the easiest to talk to and explain to them how much these behaviors bother you and affect you daily. If you can break through to one family member maybe he or she can help you get through to the rest of the family.
    When you say it is a “rule” that you can only move out after college, does that mean it is your family’s rule? Or is this a law where you live? If it is just a “family rule”, I would seriously consider breaking that rule if things don’t improve. Try to find a job and apartment/living arrangements that is affordable. Get a roomate to help with expenses (someone who is quiet!). I know this is easier said than done. Is there an extended family member you could move in with? Grandparent? Aunt/uncle/cousin? Or a friend’s family? If that is not an option, try to be out of the house as much as possible. Go to the library during the day, or coffee shop. Go to a park. Go to a bookstore. Anywhere that is quiet and comfortable. Best of luck to you.

  2. I agree with Heather’s response.

    If you can’t move out for whatever reason, then the best you can do at this point is to keep coping the best way that you can with the headphones and avoiding situations where your family will be loud. I doubt talking to any of them will do any good. Extroverts rarely respond well or accept that others just aren’t like them. Especially loud ones.

    If you aren’t willing to break the rule of moving out, then coping best you can until you can move out really is the only option. You can try to discuss it with your family. I just don’t see too many other options than wearing headphones, finding other places to study and steering clear of them.

    I wish you luck!

  3. I think you should tell them that you need some relax and their noise is disturbing you. I think it is the easiest way to talk about things like that with your family. It would be much more complicated, if you had the similar problem with your boss at the office.
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  4. I’m not so introvert, but the noise from the street and my house bothers me a lot. Perhaps this is why I love headphones. Noisy people are poorly educated.

  5. Why can’t you move out? Is your parents paying for college or are you? If you are paying for your college then I say move out anyway. But do so in a way that they won’t suspect anything (if that is possible). If they are paying for it…well then you will have to find other ways of seeing to your introverted needs. Do you drive? If you drive then you can stay away as long as you need. I like some of the other suggestions. Coffee shop, Library (when you can) and another introverts home if you can or someone who can be quiet, park. I also like the suggestion of getting a job, this way you are away from your extroverted family members. Most extroverts do not respond well to someone sitting down with them and quietly explaining their problems. I say do what you have to do. They may be your family (dna related) but you are not required to like them, love them, be friends with them or tolerate them. they only call you rude because they don’t understand your introverted ways. Good luck to you.

  6. I’m sorry for that. It’s always very hard to argue with family members. I suggest that if a nice request won’t let them change their loud ways, you should move out and live on your own. Even if it is a family rule, you still have the right to do what is best for you. It’s not like they have provided you with much choice. Going away will also avoid more family arguments. I believe that you are also responsible and mature enough to fend for yourself. Good luck.

  7. If you haven’t already read Introvert Power by Helgoe. I rarely if ever have recommended a ‘self help’ book but this one rocks. It is written by an introvert and for introverts. It wouldn’t hurt if others read it too. It’s not only validating but gives great advice on how to “meditate in a mosh pit” which is what most introverts feel like they must do at least some of the time.

  8. Sometimes you just have to get yourself out. I had a roomate at one point, an old friend, who just didn’t get it and was much like your family. The constant noise and her incesent need for interaction was trigering my anxiety, making me even more prone to overstimulation and attacks. Her inability to undeerstand and unwilingness to compromise ruined our friendship. In the end I moved out and went to live with my Uncle who needed a roomate after my Aunt moved back to the farm (they are brother and sister, they rented a townhouse together originaly years ago). I am lucky enough to come from a family that, at least on my fathers side, is predominantly introverted. Really, if they will not listen and will not compromise this is a hazard to your health. Get out.

  9. It’s probably too late– this post has no date so far as I can tell– but I’m kind of surprised that no one has suggested earplugs. If you find music distracting when you study, earphones probably won’t be a real option. I’m especially fond of Hearos, especially the versions that block over 30 decibels, enough to dim the noise of an irritating phone call to a low drone.

    Side note: It’s amazing to me that your mother feels perfectly free to talk loudly on the phone at *midnight,* when most people are asleep, but then calls you rude when you ask her to keep the volume down. I can’t think of a greater rudeness.

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  11. I can’t agree with you any more! I have the same problem as you do. Wish I could move out but because I don’t have a job, I can’t 🙁

    The way I deal with this is to stay out of home as much as I can…
    If not, then I listen to instrumental music (sound of nature?), sipping on tea while study. I try to find my own peace and “quiet” times within the loud surroundings. It does not always work but most of the time, it works for me. I hope it does for you as well. I think by creating your peace time, you really need to focus on it and reset your mind and heart so you’re absorbed into it, ignoring all the other loud surroundings.

    I hope that you can explain your problem to your family and hope that they will understand you.

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