When things are just “comfortably” bad, like when I was a kid and teachers gave homework right before spring break, or later as adult when we found out we weren’t getting raises at work, I could grouse and bitch with the best of ‘em. But when I’m deeply worried about a loved one or worse still, grieving a loss, then I wish I didn’t even have to deal with most people. Even the very first time, when I was a teenager, that I knew someone close to me was going to die, I didn’t tell anyone at school at all. I didn’t want to talk to my family about it either. To me, having to do the daily small talk or worse still, dig into “my feelings” with well-meaning others was like scraping an open wound.
I’ve been through that situation, or at least worrying about a loved one who was gravely ill, now several times, and each time I’ve found that I usually tell one or two people only. Those people will have in common that I feel close to them and that they won’t make things even worse by trying to minimize my worry or bother me with foolishness when I least feel like dealing with it.
A few years ago, my dad had to have bypass surgery, and we were told that he might not make it because his heart was so weak. While others gathered in the waiting area full of conversation, admiring nearby toddlers, and just having a nice visit – talking to pass the time, I tersely requested that I be called on my cell phone as soon as there was any news. Then I walked the halls and the parking deck at the hospital. Alone. Maybe it would have been different if I’d had a husband there. I was married at the time, but my husband was kindly taking care of both of our small children. So faced with the horrible thought of losing my dad, I had to be alone in order to minimize my horror and pain.
I’ve done the same thing several times now – each time I’ve been faced with devastating news or a situation that was so full of dread and worry that I could hardly stand it, I’ve had to take off alone. During these times, small talk is excruciating.
I remember having to go to work one day after visiting my dad in the ICU at a hospital. No one else in the office was aware that he was back in the hospital or in such bad condition, and I didn’t expect them to be. But as I sat down at my desk (we were in cubicles at the time) a young extrovert actually stood on his own desk to look over the cubicle wall at me and say, “Smile, Christie!” I picked up my phone so as not to have to entertain him with my situation. It was all I could do to keep myself calm and do my job, and never have I wished harder for self employment!
We lost my dad a few years ago, but of course like anyone else I still have occasional other things to worry or at least be anxious about, and I always wish I could just be at home while I’m waiting to hear. The medical procedure my 84+ year old mother had to have under anesthesia. The biopsy surgery my cat had – when the vet told me that 90% of lumps like that on a cat would turn out to be invasive cancer. Each time I’ve been waiting and worrying, I’ve tried to avoid those who will not understand or who will come and annoy me when I least feel like it.
Check out the below verse from the book of Proverbs in the Bible. I’m not trying to shove religion down your throat, not at all. 
I just thought this was a really wise thing, and it’s funny that Solomon expressed so long ago and so well the feeling I’ve had all this time. This translation is from the New International Version Bible.
Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.
Proverbs 25:20
For you other introverts, are you like this too? Do you try to be alone or with only a select couple of people when you’re dealing with sadness or worry? And for extroverts, this post explains why your normally pleasant friend may avoid everyone when things get bad.
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{ 77 comments… read them below or add one }
I absolutely deal with grief and hardship as privately as possible. I’m pretty good at putting on my social mask, but in the wake of something tragic I will withdraw entirely. The only person I can relate to or handle being around during those times is my husband, who is an introvert like me.
People always seem to want to minimize hardship, in my experience–and since I so rarely show my emotions openly, when I’m dealing with something where I *can’t* easily hide them, the LAST thing I need to hear are platitudes. So, I’ll do everything I can to create a bubble where I can process and deal with the situation in a private way.
Hi Alex, yes, and it would be the most merciful if people wouldn’t keep trying to burst or invade our bubble at a time like that.
Yes, definitely. I was in the 6th grade when my aunt died and I remembered my parents and grandparents going to help her husband with the funeral arrangements and I just couldn’t bring myself to deal with it yet, so I spent the night at my cousin’s house until I had to go to the funeral. I was in the 11th grade when we had to put our dog down that we had had since I was 2, I couldn’t deal with the thought of him not coming back home with us, so I stayed in the car and bawled my eyes out while my mom told the vet to put him down.
When things get bad like that, I deal with it my way: just kind of hang back until I’m ready or absolutely have to deal with it.
Yes, we have to process those things, and of course we want to process them internally, privately.
There are several events in my life that occured but I never noticed how I dealt with it until this topic came up. I remember my grandpa announced to everyone at a family meeting that he just found out he has lung cancer and I noticed there were various reactions on each face. Some cried while others started “positive” conversations. I didn’t react to the news at all at the time. It was after I got home it finally hit me and I grieved in private. Then I called my friend Ashley, the only person whom I’m comfortable conversing my emotions to. BTW: he’s cancer=free now.
I’m not surprised though since introverts are generally private ppl…we grieve in private as well. Its our defensive mechanism.
Oh wow, so glad your grandpa is cancer free!
I do the same thing, and I prefer to do it like that. It depends what I am worrying about, but sometimes it is best to stay away as I might bite back if someone pushes me too far. My patience is a little bit lower during that time too.
I do it because I do not want to be a burden on other people and I want too resolve it myself. In certain situations it is good to have this type of restraint, as some people tend to tell you a bit too much when they need someone to talk to.
It is not a ‘introverts are better than extroverts’ thing, but everyone will at least be in a situation where they actually can not talk to anyone; so being able to resolve something by going inside yourself can actually be very important, and a good way to learn more about yourself.
It can of course confuse extroverts a bit as some are unable to understand that not everyone wants to talk about it; but when you might talk about it you only mention the tip of the iceberg.
I’m with you – I definitely have less patience during bad times. I even find I’m a little irritable with those who are close to me – just better off not talking.
I took this to an extreme 30 years ago when, after college, I moved out of state and ended up with a job I hated. I was so miserable and stressed out by my job that I shut myself off almost entirely from other people. Once I got home from work, I wouldn’t even answer the phone or the door. I would binge on food and then exercise obsessively to burn off the calories. I became so depressed that I quit my job and ended up moving back home with my parents. Having only lived there a short time (and being an introvert), I didn’t have many friends anyway. I didn’t even say goodbye to anyone before I left. I’ve struggled with depression to varying degrees ever since then. I wonder if introverts might be more prone to depression since we are less likely to seek out support from other people?
Aw, I’m sorry. Are you able to get to a counselor to talk to? Sometimes an unbiased professional – a GOOD one – can work wonders to help you sort things out.
My husband died about 1-1/2 yrs ago. He was the one person I never shut out – love of my life! Anyway, after months of gradually worsening depression and anxiety after his death, I am finally (back) on antidepressants plus seeing a counselor and doing much better.
I’m so sorry. Glad you’re feeling better though!
I retreated a lot. When I was around 11 my parents decided to tell me we were moving. They gave me about 3 weeks notice, towards the end of summer vacation. It was devastating. I had many friends where I was growing up and after I moved I wasn’t really accepted at my new school. My parents said we could visit my old town every now and then, but it hurt to even think about it. It just reminded me of how much less my life sucked back before I moved.
I became pretty withdrawn and wouldn’t talk to people. I didn’t even talk to my family about my feelings after a while because they kept telling me I’d, “get over it because I was a kid”. Over a decade later, I’ve finally gotten most of myself out of my shell. I wish it hadn’t taken so long, but it’s not like I can rush getting over a broken heart.
Exactly. It took time to get over, because it was a huge disruption in your life!
It’s been a long time since I’ve read Proverbs, but what an appropriate verse for your story. If nothing else, you have me reaching for my Bible (even if it is KJV).
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Yes, I’m exactly this way. Whenever I’ve dealt with the death of a loved one, I have told almost no one. And when coworkers find out, they’re always confused by the fact that I didn’t mention/announce it. I’ve gone out of my way to hide it (without lying, somehow) from really good friends. At work when the emails go out to the entire company about the death of so-an-so’s loved one, I’m always horrified for them. Though they probably are fine with it, I know that for myself, I absolutely would not want my coworkers to know. I couldn’t face the questions, or even the sympathy. (Co-workers have such odd places in our lives, don’t they? We spend more time with them than with most people we are close to, and yet they’re usually not-friends but often not-just-acquaintances.)
I didn’t realize this was an introvert thing!
Co-workers really do have odd places – and often it’s really too much closeness and access, for those that are not our friends. They’re right there, even when they shouldn’t be. Several years ago one of my coworkers who was also a good friend got a phone call during the work day telling him that his dad had had a heart attack – and that my friend needed to fly home to PA as soon as he could. He left the office under the stares and (sympathetic, I’m sure) whispers of 30+ people in a cube farm. The next day my friend called to ask a favor of me: “If something happens to my dad, please make sure no one there finds out about it!” Wow – it was the first time I found out that I wasn’t the only one who was so private about these things!
I do the same as you do in such situations.
I think a lot of extroverts do not really understand this. It would be good if some extroverts would read this blog…they wouldn’t half learn a bit about the more withdrawn side of the population!
Cheers
Sam
Yes, it seems so easy to just label someone else as “aloof” or “strange,” but it would be eye-opening for a lot of people to read this blog and all these great reader comments! A lot of extroverts are finding their way here by googling, “why do introverts..”[fill in the blank] so some of them are seeing it.
When I was 17 the family dog died, and all my family members buried him in the backyard but I stayed in my room because I didn’t want to be around them while they were crying. I loved the dog, but I can’t feel those types of emotions around other people, I can only feel my sadness when I’m alone. If I had participated in the ritual I would have felt numb and uncomfortable, because I feel uncomfortable when other people express sadness around me. I wish I could have buried him by myself.
If everybody was introverted I think funerals would be a very private affair with only family members and close friends. The “paying of respects” by acquaintances would be unwelcome, and so would not be expected of people.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. And in fact if that was me I always hoped they also wouldn’t start suddenly start talking about him at dinner when I’m stuck sitting there – at least too soon after his death. I mean it’s as if they just want to see how you’ll react!
Yes – funerals would be entirely different. Of course I’ve probably made some extroverts feel ignored or unloved in the past by treating them as I would want to be treated instead of as they want to be treated. Back then it was because I had no idea about introvert/extrovert and just couldn’t imagine that anyone would want casual friends around at a horrible time like that.
I think it’s based on personality, family style and also cultural differences. Some people don’t seem to know what they are feeling until they say it out loud – others, like me are more pensive.
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Definitely. It’s amazing how different from one another we humans can be about things like this.
I’m with Jeff on this one. Being in the presence of other’s grief or sadness makes me uncomfortable. Really not sure what it is, but I find it to be contagious. Point being, I’ll grieve on my own accord thanks!
I also definitely prefer to keep to myself during such a time. I try and keep busy at *something* trying to keep the situation from getting to me and the reality sink in. Eventually though, something just breaks. I discovered this a few months ago. I got home one day and received the death news that I was expecting (really, is there anything worse than terminal cancer?) and was really just numb to the situation for days. Then it came time for the funeral and everything just sort of hit me all at once like a ton of bricks and I could not hold it in any longer. I don’t do it often (I’ve been fortunate enough to be faced with very few situations that bring it out of me), but I really do find there is something therapeutic about crying. Not sure what it is, but it feels like there’s a really big sense of relief or something once it gets out.
Excellent post as usual.
Yes, trying to hold your emotions in or put on a brave front can only last so long…. and of course that’s why it’s great not to have an audience of coworkers, etc.
Thanks Andrew!
Hi Christie, I would prefer to be alone as well, at least during the initial hours or days until I get comfortable enough to talk about it, but it is so not possible. People seem to want to talk to you when you are not ready still, and it just makes it that much more difficult. And I agree with the other poster who mentioned about being in the presence of other’s grief – that makes me extremely uncomfortable as well, as I usually have no clue what to say or do under those trying situations!
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Yes, I know most people mean well, but of course they may assume everyone is like them – and needs to talk talk talk in order to determine what we actually are thinking.
In my experience, the only thing that helps is to try to be extroverted and being interested in the outside world. If I’m stuck and looking inwards – that is a definite sign that I have to change my behaviour and turn to the outside world. To let the positive energy come in.
It’s fun and healthy to extravert a little bit here and there.. but we introverts recharge and really thrive when we allow ourselves to have a lot going on in our heads, too.
I am so stressed out. Both my parents have been in the ICU in one year. My mom has cancer and is in the hospital. Last year my dad tried to kill himself. I’m stressed out to the max. I don’t want to talk to ANYONE. I eat my emotions. I think I should see a therapist because I am miserable. And scared.
Please, please find yourself a good counselor. You shouldn’t be suffering with no one to talk to. It will help. I see a counselor once a month for some of my issues. For me, it’s much easier to talk to her than to any of my friends or family. Good luck.
Hey Michelle, Thanks so much for being there for Daisy this morning! You’re right – and a nice, neutral third party who’s educated and certified in the subject can be so much more helpful, too!
I was happy to offer the support. I could tell she was in a bad place.
Michelle, thank you. I was actually able to get a therapy appt for tonight. I will go. Ill try. Thank you.
Daisy – so glad you got an appointment! Please keep stay with it – if you have a good therapist it will make a world of difference.
Hope you “click” with your therapist. But if, for some reason, you don’t, please ask to see someone different next time. Just taking that first step to make the phone call is a huge one. Good for you!
well, i think im doing it now..
until i came upon this webpage, i hated somuch of myself as an introvert.
I couldnt talk about this to my extroverted family and friends.
i was all by myself. I was so lost and confused.
and so I would just ‘hide’ in my room form the rest of the world.
I dont know if things are going to be different from now that I learned that im not alone.
I hope that starting from tonight, things will change as in how i perceive myself to the self acceptance.
I never felt authentic to myself, but now that I feel accepted as an introvert in this webpage, Im starting to appreciate my self as in why i behave in certain way and think in a certin way.
I strongly recommend reading “The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Laney, it really helps you get away from feeling something like is wrong with you and helps you realize you’re just you.
I completely shut down when something bad happens. All communication is impossible. I go into philosophical mode, and sit and think about the ‘grandeur of life’. : /
Yep, I totally understand. It’s less painful too, to allow ourselves to shut down a bit. It’s the people who stick the fork in our wound who just can’t get that.
Yes, this is definitely me; anytime things get bad, I will shut almost everybody else out. The last time I got bad news, the first thing I did was slink up to my room to panic over it by myself. I only have one person to whom I tell these things; my English teacher/forensics (debate) coach. He is more like a friend than a teacher, and he understands and accepts the differences in peoples’ temperaments better than anyone I know.
When I’m suffering, I just want the whole world to leave me alone; I don’t even talk to my parents about it. Small talk is infuriating, and at times like that I wish I could sail away to a deserted tropical island and live by myself as a hermit until things get better.
It’s great to have that one person in life anyway. For me, over the years from high school through college and then relocating to a new city, that person has not been the same person of course, but I always have that person.
This is precisely me. My 15-month relationship ended last night. If I could forget about work, make sure my daughter was okay, and hop on a plane to where I knew nobody and shut off the world, that’s exactly what I would do.
I am so sorry. I hope everyone will be there when you need them yet refrain from being the facial expression police (“Are you OK?”) and other painful things.
When i deal with sadness or worry….i will be alone only. I can be with couple of people who r close to me…But its not because i don’t have any friend in real life because i never met a person as i like.
I prefer withdrawal whenever I’m stressed. The only problem is, I’m often stressed. Maybe I’m too picky. I just want people to start recognizing my needs. I guess I want to meet more introverts. Ironically, it’s actual face to face communication with introverts that I think would best help me.
I agree – face to face communication with an introvert who understands would be exactly what you need. I have an introvert friend who’s a thinker instead of a feeler like me though, and telling him my worries has backfired more than once. He’s great at analyzing *things*, but is too quick to label me as, “You worry too much,” or, “You’re paranoid,” (when I notice something odd about someone). So choose your introvert friend carefully before confiding!
I’m in the boat with all of you, silently (of course). When things go wrong I totally withdraw, but sometimes from even thinking. It is weird, it is like the color drains out of the day and I just sit there. I can’t work, don’t eat, just exist. Not sure what happens inside of me, I know I’m thinking “something” but when I look back over these traumas and times in my life. All I can remember is greyness, an zero accomplishments. Like working was unattainable, like I had to get through some unobservable and untenable landscape before being able to return to life.
Others seem to sit and talk about and cry about their problems and get better. Me, it can take a long time of this greyness to get better. I always do, thankfully, but it can be treacherous.
I am a little of a funk now, not total though. Just seems I constantly find myself in situations where I’m supposed to play office politics and I am a social nitwit. Just thinking about how I fail at office politics is enough to sink me into a grey funk.
J
Me too. If there’s something really devastating happening, I can get totally “paralyzed” by it, especially when I’m still forced to be in situations with others.
When I am frustrated with something, I usually keep it on the inside. I do not like to immediately share my feelings. I want to think about the situation first before I open my mouth. I find that sometimes when I vent, I say things that I regret. So I like to be alone and clear my mind first. In fact, my girlfriend and I will have problems sometimes and she will ask me to talk to her. Sometimes I do not even say a word or I might say “I don’t know”. It might take me an hour to figure out what I am going to say. But this annoys people.
It’s smart to stop and consider before you say something, because sometimes it really does take some time for us to formulate our thoughts and figure out what we do want to say.
wow! it sounds like you have had a hard life. kudos to you for pulling through. not many people could do that.
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For a very long time I had really hard time dealing with grief. Talking to someone or having small talk to someone that was in same situation was making me feel even worst then grief it self. I some how overcome this few years ago after realize that my GF had same problem. Now it helps if I just talk to her. But I still need to be alone, it’s nice to have someone that understand that you need to be alone and give you the space you need.
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I think that’s the key – it’s your own GF, and you know she cares and knows how to listen and how to talk. You still don’t need your prying coworkers coming and asking, “What’s your problem? You should smile!” We retreat and just want to deal with things in our own way, without an unwanted audience.
This is definitely true.
I’ve had a couple of life altering experiences last year and I decided to take a brief “sabbatical” (i.e. quit my job and stayed at home for a short while doing what I love most, drawing portraits), that is to regroup my thoughts and come up with a strategy on how to tackle the unpleasant developments happening at that time. I took long solitary walks on the banks of the lake not too far from my house, listened to my favourite musical pieces, watched a couple of DVDs and just worked on my drawings. It was all very refreshing, I’m now back on the job and it’s all working out for me again.
Another thing, I noticed it’s the same with my boyfriend (we are both introverts – which is nothing short of wonderful, and share a lot of common interests. Our conversations are never boring and I feel totally in-sync when I’m with him), although he is slightly more introverted than I am. Anyway, he had recently been a victim of “office politics”. We both work for a Network/ISP/Voice Services firm, but on different departments; what happened was that last Friday they suddenly announced that someone from their department (data repair) will be promoted to SME (Subject Matter Expert)/Trainer. Everyone from that department expected that he’ll be that someone. He’s very good at the job and usually if there was some trouble, the bosses would ask him to look into it. But surprise, surprise, it wasn’t him but a co-worker of his, who although rather mediocre at the job (my BF had to clean up his “mess” several times) was good at socialising with some of the powers that be (bantering and stuff). And as we all know, my boyfriend being the introvert that he is dislikes small talk, he also does not see the point in going to a gazillion drinking sessions after work.
He has been eying the promotion for quite sometime, and that is mainly the reason he put extra effort and time, aside from the fact that he is already brilliant at what he does. He even goes to work even if he is feeling unwell, just so he could get the perfect attendance (w/c is one of the prerequisites, according to the manual). So he felt that it’s a slap in the face that this other guy (who had tons of escalations, attendance and stat issues) would get promoted just because he is more out going (and that he regularly banters with the powers-that-be, which I don’t think should be required at all). And the position is for “Subject Matter Expert”, so said person should be an expert in Data Repair (and this guy who got promoted goes around asking my BF the most basic questions about the subject matter).
So what my BF does is he left town for some “alone time”. He’s been gone for two days now (although he does communicate with me). I do miss him, but I understand why he needs to go (I do the same), so I don’t nag him about things like that.
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Oh that’s so UNFAIR!!! But he is so lucky to have you! You know some partners/spouses would now start nagging the introvert, “You’re just going to have to schmooze. That’s just part of it. Now march in there and tell your boss you deserve a promotion..” or some other impossible nagging. Instead, you totally believe in him and share his astonishment at this wrong. And to make it even better, you understand why he’s away and aren’t nagging him. I’m very sorry he didn’t get that promotion, and it’s horribly unfair, but I’m really glad that you two have each other! You sound awesome.
I used to be very introvert as well and yeah, I’d love to retreat in my own little, comfortable shell. However, I was also very tired all the time and feeling down. I found out I had adrenal fatigue eventually and when I got some good supplements, my life really changed for the better!
I’m not kidding. I took my first supplement like two months and I’m feeling more upbeat and extravert than ever! This is just me hopefully giving out some good advice. I’m not trying to promote some shady product, but really: adrenal supplements helped me find my upbeat and extravert character back.
i am worst ! i use (subconsciously) a system which offers 100% trust to every person i interact with. I have few friends i can talk with, but mostly it’s small talk. I used to have one true friend but he passed away and now i am all alone. So, I realized that if a person harms me in any way (even a small lie) i take some of the trust away, and when it reaches a certain point I no longer talk / interact with that person. This is a really unhealthy system cos i am 30 and i feel like 60 cos of lack of friends. Cheers !
Ashely I totally understand, and I’m so sorry that your good friend passed away. It can feel very lonely when it seems that no one around us is really a trustworthy or understanding friend. This is one area where extroverts seem to go blissfully on their way, continuing to have dozens of “friends.”
I hope you can learn to enjoy some of these people for what they are – I don’t mean trust them implicitly – but just enjoy their company sometimes. One thing I’ve learned is that people are all imperfect – some in a very spectacular way.
The one who’d drop everything to come and help you may be totally lacking in empathy about introversion. But maybe each person can fill a little spot in your life, even if they aren’t the total deep friend you’d like to have.
I understand this post entirely. My dad died five days before my college graduation, and I only told two people at school–my on-campus boss and a coworker who’d have to cover my workload. I did this because I needed to process things internally before discussing them with others and also because I didn’t want to put a damper on everyone else’s graduation. Different people need to deal differently, and who’s to judge which way is better?
Oh Beth I’m so sorry! What an emotional turmoil you must have been in, with grief, plus the huge occasion it is to graduate from college anyway, but yes, that didn’t mean casual acquaintances needed to “share” in it. We definitely need time to process things internally – sometimes a lot of time before we’re ready to talk to certain others about them. Absolutely right – I can’t imagine why some folks decide that their way is “the right way” to deal with loss or worries or anything else.
This is so helpful, to see the range and comments here. Even though I’m (slightly) introverted, it helps to know I am not alone. I definitely see the longing for authentic connection during a time of grief, while going into overdrive (whether it’s small talk or office negotiations) is Exhausting. My beloved Mom has been critically ill for almost a year now…MRI to MRI…and while staying in music has been live-giving, and confiding in just a few loved ones I NEED, many other situations (parties with few people I know well, listening to complaining about furlough days…) leave me absolutely depleted. So I pick and choose very carefully. It’s a delicate balance. Thanks for the discussion.
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Don’t be too eager to grab the spotlight. Ambition is fine, but no one likes a show-off. Modesty will get you more attention in the long run than loud, expressive, rude or offending behaviour. I’m not saying you should downplay or ignore your achievements; just don’t boast when you do speak of them.
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I’m like that too. I don’t like to make a “spectacle” out of my own emotions, and there are times when I just want to go somewhere private to handle my own feelings before facing others. And when I grieve, I do share with a few close friends.
So sometimes I might come off as aloof and insensitive, but for someone like me, it can take awhile before the feelings sink in. And when they do, they sink in deep. I can’t vocalize grief or flattery in a “normative” sense, at times, but it always affects me.
Kind of like, Cordelia in King Lear. When her father asked her how much she loved him, she couldn’t answer him at all because she needed the time to properly present her feelings, as opposed to giving an offhand or immediate answer. Her father mistook that for insincere love, when in reality she probably – in an introverted way – just needed time to externalize herself from an internalized way of understanding things.
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You might also try to find a quiet and reserved role-model. If you find someone you admire who has a reserved nature, you can see that it is OKAY to be this type of person. Some of the greatest people to have ever lived were quiet, reserved, and soft-spoken. Abraham Lincoln, Aristotle, Bruce Lee (at times), Mahatma Gandhi, Jesus (at times), and Buddha are all great role-models for you. You can also choose your friends and family, or even fictional characters to learn from.
Reading this set me back a few years. My mother has brain seizures and it is due to the fact that she had about three blood clots in her head during my teens. I remember many times when I use to come home from High School to find out she was in the hospital. Therefore, I would leave right back out not caring what time it was every time. To continue, I would visit her after school when she had to stay overnight for several nights. Moreover, none of my high school peers or favorite school administrators had any idea of this. Other than my two close friends and school counselor. It is very hard to have some much to deal with, especially when you are an introverted individual because you keep everything inside. I dont even think she knows how much I worried (worry) about her and how painful it was (is). Well anyway, this is a brief summary to let you that you are not the only one who holds in the sadness and share it with those few close people to you. On the contrary, I hate when I try to share my sadness and pains with close people in my life and they dont understand. When they dont understand I get more sadder and feel like I have no one to tell my problems to because I have a different perspective plus an extrovert could never understand. Therefore, I talk to the Lord when I have to much to much to handle and he is the bestest friend other than me I have.
I just found out that my ten month old grand daughter is going to have to wear a hip brace and possibly have surgery and a cast…I was planning on going out with friends to listen to another friend play some awesome music but just want to stay home alone.
They keep encouraging me to come but I don’t feel like celebrating…I was feeling really selfish until I read your quote from Proverbs and wanted you to know how encouraging it was to me.
Thanks,
Michelle
My brother died a few years a go. The last two months of his life was devastating for us because the disease had physically eaten him up so much (I don’t know whether this is the correct phrase). During those times, I avoided him as much as I can and visited him as little as possible (we lived in different house).
I don’t know why, but it always like this, when I know that someone close to me is going to die I’d prefer to be alone instead of joining the family crowd.
My Mom once asked me how can I be so indifferent and I couldn’t find a proper answer. One thing I know for sure is that I’m not being indifferent to the situation. I was grieving just like everybody else. I just couldn’t stand being around too many people during those times, I guess..
So I’m really glad to find this article. At least I know I’m not the only one feeling like this.
Thanks,
Annisa
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I’m an extrovert, proudly. My boyfriend, however, is very much an introvert. I became acutely aware of this difference after MBTI training at work…anyway… three years ago, my boyfriend lost his mother to cancer. I was always confused by the fact that he shut himself up every year since, and was concerned that maybe I should be doing something. I don’t hear from him at all on the day he remembers his mother, and it used to concern me. After reading this, I can breathe a little easier and know that I’m not a terrible girlfriend for not knowing how to help — because I don’t think I should be “helping”.
This post really helped me a lot. It solved my inner turmoil and I’m sure my boyfriend will appreciate it when I stop nudging him about talking about his feelings.
Yep, I definitely just curl up and go inside when things are bad on the surface. It’s really the only thing that comforts me..
Sorry, forgot to put my name on the last post!
I have seen most of the introvert person, they behaves almost as you did, in such situation they used to speak less to the people or even the situation is more worst than this, they don’t discuss anything with anybody.
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I think it’s fairly normal to want to be alone when upset or sad, even for people who also reach out to others for comfort.
This is a really great resource – I’m not introverted, but I’m not a huge extrovert either, so I can relate I think.
I remember working at a place, and myself and my boss got on really well but there were certain things that we struggle to understand of each other. We did one of those myers briggs tests, and we were identical other than that I came out extrovert and she came out introvert. Socially I’d say we both appeared similar, so knowing this was enlightening.
Once we understood the differences between us, it made the situations where things just would not click into place, and fundamentally could not be negotiated much easier to resolve. Personally I think that every workplace should do these, and these character traits should become common knowledge. It would help people get along better, and increase understanding of one another.
Great post.
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If we don’t feel like talking to somebody, we can always talk to God. He’s always there and always listens.
Actually in many ways we are supposed to feel like this in grief, its all part of being human. I would advise whilst you may see people you know going through this the key thing is to make sure they know you are there for them and to also monitor how long this process goes on for. As we know its a thin line between nature grief / sadness and clinical depression.