I have a B.S. in biology from Georgia Tech, but we never took personality tests during that time and I never took a psych class that dealt with introverts and extroverts. So as well educated as I am in science, I lived the first several decades of my life not knowing why I’d do the following things:
1. If dear friends would come to visit me from a nearby city, I would have a blast during their visit that day, but by nightfall would be secretly glad if they declared they could not spend the night. Then l’d wake up the next morning and wish they could come right back! What was wrong with me? Could I not make up my mind?
2. I would go to family gatherings or weddings and truly enjoy reconnecting with people I don’t see much anymore, but after a few hours my face would feel exhausted to the point that I’d feel an urgent need to leave. Was I wearing an expression I don’t usually wear when alone?
3. While working in a customer support position for a couple of years, I would rather type a full page email of how-tos for a person and send it than to “just pick up the phone” and call them. Was I just wasting time doing all that typing?
4. I have no desire to go shopping with another woman and it would not cross my mind to invite a friend to go on an errand with me. The exceptions to that would be my mother and sister. What is wrong with me?
Sometimes ignorant people would tell me I was “antisocial” if I didn’t want to go out to lunch with them every day. That seems like quite a heavy diagnosis, considering I got along well with everyone and had a lot of friendly acquaintances at the office. One day a coworker who really knew me said to me, “Seems to me you like being with people and you have plenty of friends. But after being with people a long time, you are drained. Is that correct?” YES! What does that mean? It means I am an introvert. I may enjoy some social activities, but they drain my energy. I recharge and energize myself by reading, caring for animals or walking around looking at nature, NOT by talking to others. Extroverts recharge by being with other people, and most of them can not comprehend what is “wrong” with introverts.
Learning that has set me free from wondering what is wrong and trying to do things the way everyone else does them. I know myself now and now I know how to have a happy family life and a great career and still not let those things drain me. I am an introvert and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Photo credit:fazen
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I truly recognise myself by reading what you write.
I grew up with being told I’m strange, shy and all that is considered to be anti-socialising.
Sadly, I still have to “fight” for my introversion being told I need to get out of my shell and stop blaming my introversion. Which always come from extroverts.
It’s a matter of their ignorance, and I definitely hope a lot of people will learn something about what introversion is – and that as much as they may *wish* we had their same personality traits, we do not!
Amen. Thanks for this post. Many of us “introverts” tend to get hounded by our extrovert friends about the very issues you wrote about.
Hi Adam, yes “hounded” is a great word for it! I guess the reason they nag us about being “strange” or “aloof” instead of us making them feel bad about being “annoying” or “pushy”
is that we don’t like confrontation, so we withdraw rather than make things unpleasant. And of course there are a lot more extroverts than introverts, so I guess it would be impossible for us to make them feel “odd.”
Lunch with coworkers everyday? Outrageous! I am an introvert as well. I enjoy an occassional lunch out with coworkers, but if forced to do so everyday I would feel like a ferocious corned animal.
Oh yes! That is a great analogy because I think a lot of times people push and push and push an introvert then are SHOCKED when the cornered animal finally lashes out at them! And yes, a lot of coworkers insist on lunch out together every single day. I like to go about once a week, but every day?! I have escaped from that now, pleading saving money, but it sets me apart from the others, who relish their time to be “together” away from the office for an hour (as opposed to “together” AT the office for the rest of the day).
you just named me. that is ME!! i lived years and years and years thinking something was wrong with me. i even take an antidepressant for my introvert-ness. but we introverts are good people. i finally realized that, but i still fight it. i have finally realized after 30 years as a sales rep that i should have done something different – with my hands, with my mind, designing, music, writing….. our world glorifies people who do do do be be be…………sorry. im worn out with this rant. gotta go be alone for awhile…..:-)
Oh I am so sorry – society definitely does that to introverts. Heck, every time a guy goes and shoots up a place, I am just WAITING for the inevitable interview with his neighbor, who says he kept to himself and was quiet. You know what Sean – I’ll bet a lot of your customers love you. There’s nothing I hate more than a pushy sales rep who “upsells” constantly and won’t take no for an answer. But someone with some sensitivity about him who can tell when it’s not a good time to talk – I’ll bet you are well liked. Hey – you can do those other things in the evenings and weekends though, and it’s not only healing, it may be your retirement plan!
In other words, if one of those other fields starts producing a little income, then when you’re old enough to think about retiring, you can still do this thing that you love and have some $ coming in too.
Oh-My-God! I was surfing the net today with no goal in mind when I found this page. I couldn’t believe how every-single-word described me! People like being around me and, when they are, we all have a blast, but when a couple of hours have passed I begin feeling uneasy, wanting to go home, needing to be by myself. I didn’t know I could be an introvert. I love people, talking, having a good time… only not for hours on end!
Feeling drained is an awful feeling, and I do feel drained afterwards… every single time. My husband is used to it, but not those around me… so they wonder…
Thank you. Great eye opener. I wish I’d known this a while back ‘cuz it would have given me an ‘excuse’, right?
So glad you found us! Well, others don’t understand, even if we give our “excuse,” but at least you know why you feel the way you do so you can plan a little when you have lots of social activities coming up.
Sometimes I also feel like that. Like it’s physically and emotionally draining to interact with a lot of people. And there are also times that I would prefer to just sending a text or an email instead of calling. I would prefer to stay at home than go out. Maybe I am an introvert as well.
Welcome to IntrovertZone! I’ll bet as you read the posts and the comments here you’ll recognize a lot of the situations and feelings.
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