Although I’ve spent a year writing about all the little situations in life that I think we introverts experience in a certain way compared to extroverts, I’m still pretty much stuck on figuring out exactly what I want in life. I know myself well enough to know that I don’t really “want” dozens of friends and I don’t “want” a wild social life with lots and lots of parties. But I do believe I want to enjoy more in-person time with my sister and her family and with my mother, and all of them live 150 miles away. And I believe I want to (slowly) get closer to a few more friends, because relationships can enrich our lives in a way that I can’t even describe. For both of those, I am having to remind myself that although my preferred weekend is totally free and unplanned,if I don’t make plans with my family I won’t see them except on special occasions. And although on any given evening I’m happy to read or do something with websites, I won’t be getting closer to my friends if I never see them, and in fact they may not even realize I like them very much. So dealing with that essential, “What do I really want” question and its answer is my main personal goal right now.
What about you? I’ve seen from the comments that we have some very intelligent, thoughtful readers, and maybe you’d like a chance to write a full blog post. If so, please email me cb @ introvertzone.com with your idea – just a rough idea of a topic is fine. This offer is open to introverts as well as extroverts. We can always learn from one another, as long as all comments are helpful and respectful.
If your idea is accepted, then you can write your post and send to me. The post will include an “About the Author” section linking back to your blog or Facebook profile or whatever you like.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
Photo credit: elly jonez
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Sounds very tempting.
I’ve had kind of a writer’s block regarding articles about introversion lately.
Dr. W´s last post ..I am a doctor!
Dr. W, you wrote such a wonderful post about it on your own site that I’m really looking forward to anything you come up with.
CB,
I know how you feel about wanting a better connection with family and friends. It is so easy to fall back to our books or internet instead of reaching out with a phone call or visit. I struggle with this too.
Having good relationships with my family and a few friends are on my lifetime goals list. What I seem to be missing is putting something for this goal on my weekly goals list. Well, a weekly goals list doesn’t get made often enough either, but I’m getting better. I’ll try again, and again, and again.
Not really a guest post – I just thought I’d share something infuriating some individual has smeared across the internet. It’s a self-help sales pitch guaranteed to either insult or enrage every introvert out there. I was trying to generate a few ideas about the next step in my career and was looking for information on self-employment options / jobs that have been a good fit for people on the introverted end of the spectrum when I stumbled across this doozie (warning; I’m only sharing this to let off steam and reduce my blood pressure – clicking on this link may raise your blood pressure, so if you’re having a bad day, leave it for some other time, or just leave it – http://www.thepopularclub.com/.
“The Popular Club” looks and sounds like a partularly nasty scam, attempting to target three groups: people on the introverted side of the spectrum who are feeling a bit insecure and not yet happy with who they are, shy people and lonely people. I strongly suspect that anyone spending $29.95 to download the “Popular” manual will end up no happier and precisely $29.95 poorer (or $29.95 times however many months’ subscription to the optional audio seminars anyone can bear).
I can’t prove that this individual is a huckster but, as they say, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck… Warning signs include:
Blatant scare tactics:
“Either order now and change your life while you still can, or choose not to and go wander around the mall by your miserable self for awhile instead. I’m sure it will make for great memories when you’re sitting alone in an old folk’s home staring out the window at the life you chose not to live.”
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is – for a modest outlay of $29.95:
“You will learn to exploit social thinking processes that are engrained in us since birth that virtually nobody else is aware of. Such skills can generate tons of friends, popularity, admiration, respect, and the opportunity to live the experiences you desire (emotionally, sexually, professionally, etc.).”
Telling you what you won’t be getting, but being completely unspecific about what you actually will be paying $29.95 for:
“This isn’t about body language, one liners, motivational stories, visualizations, or any other similarly mass marketed junk. It is a 112 page book, completely rewritten as of Sept ’09, filled with straight up, simple strategies that will make you popular and well liked.”
Extreme pre-emptive over-reaction to the possibilty of scepticism or criticism:
“By the way, you can reach me here if you must. If you have any problems downloading, just email me and I’ll send you the book again. It’s no big deal. Just don’t waste my time with a bunch of crap about how you disapprove of what I do, or how you think I’m lying, or any other sceptical, opinionated crap that you likely produce on a daily basis. I know you people tend to have a lot of time on your hands to voice your endless complaints, but for God’s sake, spare me.”
And finally, hiding behind a pseudonym. We are told that the person responsible for this life-changing set of insights has a degree in Psychology. You’d think this person would be happy to be identified – “How to Become Popular by the best selling-author Joe/Joanne Smith Bsc/Msc/Phd in Psychology from the [insert name of University]“, that sort of thing. Strangely, whoever is responsible in this life-changing breakthrough in the science of social relationships goes all shy at this point and prefers to be known only as “The Founder”.
This last point is quite interesting – I can’t currently prove that this individual is not a trained professional providing sound, useful information, but “The Founder” would gain at lest a couple of credibility points by not hiding in the anonymous shadows. After all, it’s difficult to ascertain whether somebody hiding behind a pseudonym just purchased a degree in psychology for $29.95 from the University of the Internet, has a real degree, has ever practiced as a psychologist, has practiced as a psychologist but has been struck off for malpractice, is a convicted fraudster, or any number of other savoury and less savoury possibilities. If you’ve got a record to be proud of why not come out into the open and add a bit more credibility to your sales pitch?
Plus – and this is a matter of personal taste -styling yourslef a “master of social manipulation” and calling your product “manipulative psychology” just sounds plain creepy.
If anybody knows any more about the (Con?) Artist Known as “The Founder” – especially true identity / qualifactions or lack thereof – I’d be sort of interested to hear, but for now I’ve stopped fuming and have closure. If you have been, thanks for listening.
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