This introvert is tired of the mama drama!

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The following was submitted by an introvert whose mother clearly doesn’t understand that being an introvert isn’t a problem to be fixed.

Hello my fellow readers, I have been reading this blog for a while and I decided to ask an important question about introversion.

I am a proud introvert like many of us here, but one of the biggest stressors in my life is my mother. She claims to have raised me to be happy go lucky and to smile a lot. Sure I am happy, but I don’t feel like broadcasting it.

This makes no sense to her. For years she has pushed me to be more outgoing and social, when I started college she encouraged me to go to the bars.

When we go to family dinners, I talk to people, hold hands for the prayer, get my food and go to some other room and watch TV. This also bothers her.

She wants me to be closer to the rest of my family, “leave it to beaver” closer. I can’t do that. Its not me. For the longest time, before I knew what being an introvert really meant, she had me convinced that I was a pessimistic, reclusive hermit who lived on top of a mountain.

Now I have a clearer idea of who and what I am. I feel that the relationship between myself and my mother would be easier if I could get her to really understand. How do I go about doing so?

Photo credit: smittenkittenorig

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16 Comments

  1. It was nice hearing your story. You could tell your mother that you prefer your own company and don’t find it easy connecting with other people on a social level.

    You should only do what you feel comfortable with. If you want to get closer to your family members, then make small positive steps towards it such as spending more time with them. At least she would see this as making an effort.

  2. “For the longest time, before I knew what being an introvert really meant”

    Are you sure she knows what an introvert really is? What helped you understand what it really meant? Share that with your mother and maybe that will help your situation.

  3. My mother recently told me that I am turning into a recluse because I am not interested in going out and being social, even with family members. I told her that I do not like to “fake” relationships and would rather put the energy into the close relationships that are important to me. It can be difficult for extroverts to understand, but just remind her of all the situations in which you do enjoy being social. Let her know that you do love your family, but you cannot choose your family, and many introverts don’t click well with large arrays of personalities. Just don’t try to be fake because then no one will be happy.
    An Anonymous INFJ´s last post ..Procrastination

  4. I would like to suggest that you talk to her. I know you’re an introvert but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to her. Tell her that you have no problem at all, its just you. Just think on the brighter side, she’s worried about you and that she thought she should help you. Well, making her understand will help.

  5. In this case, it’s really not your fault because I can feel that you are just being true to yourself and your own feelings.

    I honestly think that your mom is thinking that (1)something is going wrong with you, or (2) she’s been seeing some outgoing teens and she might be expecting the same thing from you. To clear all these assumption, you should talk to her and explain things well. She might be worrying about you.

  6. I think I know what seems to be the problem with your mom. She’s extremely worried about something that you don’t have which is depression. Some people mistakenly think that an introvert is a depressed person. If that’s the case just prove to your mom that you’re not depressed and all that. Show your happiness once in a while but make sure your implement to her the real you.

  7. That’s a pretty crumby one to deal with, especially since it’s your mom and you just can’t simply shut her out, if you do that her bugging you will only get worse.

    So, give her and the rest of the family what they want, but in small doses that aren’t that taxing on you. Make small talk for a few minutes at breakfast, a comment here and there at dinner, etc. You’ll see a few minuts here and there every couple days works wonders. Don’t worry they’re not keeping score and won’t notice you only talk to them for 5 minutes a day, after a while of you doing it.

    It’s not that ideal world we’d love where everyone is simpl quiet and knows not to bother you,you just have to get used to it. Hell is other people at breakfast.

  8. Try to appeal to your mother on the basis that it’s not a “personality” thing as much as a brain chemistry one. Explain that introverts process data and stimuli differently than extroverts and that it’s beyond you capacity to change and become more extroverted. If necessary, email or print out articles that explain an introvert’s makeup. It might hold more weight coming from the experts than from her unsociable daughter.

  9. I would totally suggest, that you talk with your mom and share your thoughts with her. I am introvert and i am happy for who i am; mostly people think that introvert person are retarded, which they are totally wrong. I accept that i am weird as described by others, Honestly i just don’t want to be around most people because i find their presence and sometimes find offensive. If something is not worth saying then don’t say a word, i’d rather say 100 words that are interesting rather than hearing a 5000 words which are non sense. Your lucky to have your mom pushing you to be closer with other member of the family, she does not want you to feel that your away from them or different from them. Spending quality time with your family, sharing and laughing is an experience that money can’t buy. Always remember to be yourself at all time.
    madz´s last post ..Suspension luminaire pas cher

  10. Though I am an extrovert and loves to mingle with friends and family during social events I will never push my daughter to be the same way as I am when she is not. I will never tell my daughter that she is selfish, seclusive and weird when every individual is special and there’s an exclusive world/s for her to conquer . I think your mother is just protecting you too much from being alone, seclusive and depressed. It’s a mother’s instinct. It is always best to express your thoughts to your mom and explain your real side. Do not keep yourself isolated from your mother and your inner circle of friends after doing so. Let them know you are having a decent, happy and fulfilling life even being an introvert.
    Helen@cuisinierevitroceramique.org´s last post ..Nettoyer cuisinière vitrocéramique

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