Dear IntrovertZone,
I was wondering if an introvert and an introvert could have a good loving relationship? Or will a relationship for an introvert only work with an extrovert? My therapist tells me introvert/introvert relationships will never work. It’s a stuck relationship. But my gut feels strongly against it. Any advice?
Photo credit: katerha
Related posts:
{ 77 comments… read them below or add one }
Considering I’m a super introvert in a rather longterm relationship with another super introvert, I’d say it has potential.
You just need to have the right connection, similar values, similar wants out of life, and the ability to respect each other’s space. If you have that, introversion or extroversion have little meaning.
I’ll admit though, it is quite a hassle when one of us wants to go out somewhere (restaurant, event, grocery shopping, etc) and the other doesn’t.
This is just my own view, but I actually think it has *more* chance of working than an introvert dating a strong extrovert.
Think about it:- one of you won’t always be trying to drag the other into a hectic social scene, you understand how each other feels about a lot of things, etc etc.
I definitely think it’s a positive thing.
AJ´s last post ..Socal Media causes thumbnail addiction
I second what comment # 1 said.
All relationships need to be based on respect for the other person, and I believe my introverted partner understands my need for quiet/alone/together but silent/introvert time much better than previous extroverted partners did.
That being said, it can be too easy to not have any social life at all while involved with another strong introvert, so being mindful of balance is important as well.
My advice is to get a new therapist. Their statement was an absurd sweeping generalization presented as if they’re proven fact. Not helpful. And extremely unprofessional of them. Unless you have a strong attachment to them and feel they are helping more than hurting, I think you would be better off with a therapist who wasn’t inclined to make narrow-minded statements.
I think perhaps the reason your therapist assumes it won’t work is because it can be hard for two introverts to get to know each other in the first place. One of my best friends is a complete extrovert, so we became close really fast because of that. My other best friend is very introverted, like me, so it took being around each other a LOT before we became close. And in some ways I feel closer to her than anyone because we understand each other so well. So, I completely disagree with your therapist – but I can see where she got the idea.
Advice? I think you just have to have a lot of patience for the other person to open up completely. You can’t rush introverts into making friends, and I’m sure the same applies to romantic relationships as well.
Some of his point may have been exaggerated but for those of us who are new to the whole introvert thing its a nice self esteem booster. Not that I’m ashamed of being introvert, but I imagine I feel the same as someone who recently came out of the closet, albeit to a much lesser extent, we all want to be normal (maybe not always, but sometimes…) and introversion doesn’t feel normal right away
On the other hand I think that you have known that you are an introvert for a long time and have developed a lot of negative feeling towards extroverts (you use words like “battle”), you need to reassess your views on them: they’re funny, easy to talk to, and are highly expressive (its incredibly easy to read them:)
Rizwan Sultan´s last post ..motivation blog
I am an introvert who has been in a loving, functional and amazingly wonderful relationship with another introvert for ten years. I don’t think there are any rules when it comes to who you can love and who it will work out with. Studies have shown that, as an INFJ, I would click best with an ENFP, when that is a personality type I tend to like the least. Rather, I have fallen in love with an ISTJ and it has been pure bliss. My advice would be to ignore whether they are an introvert or an extrovert and follow your heart. Logic has no place in who you should spend the rest of your life with.
I think, if you two can totally relate with each other, you will be able to make a relationship work perfectly.
If this is a current or hopeful relationship, is it possible the therapist is trying to wean you away from it for other reasons, and just casting around for reasons you might listen to? I could see that: therapist recognizes a bad or hopeless relationship, but client is in denial about the real reasons, so therapist tries other ways to convince client to give it up.
Otherwise, that’s such overarching and lame advice that it’s hard to imagine even a bad therapist giving it. I have seen situations where two people who think they are introverts get together, and it turns out one is much more introverted than the other. The more extroverted one quickly gets frustrated with the other, probably because he’s never been the one complaining about never going out before. But to say that relationships between introverts never work out is just silly.
Aaron B.´s last post ..My Brain on Drugs
There is nothing impossible with love. I believe that introvert-introvert relationship can work!
jam@Selinsgrove Realtor´s last post ..Oct10
I think anything that involves love is not possible. We just have to know how to make it work.
It’s complicated, but in the end, if there is love and understanding, also passion, I think it’s worth it in my opinion
I don’t believe that introvert-introvert relationship will NEVER work. Remember, there is always an exemption. There may be greater chances for it to not work but it is still up to the persons involved. Trust your gut feeling. Love moves in mysterious ways.
I believe that the relationship between two introverts is possible. The most important thing is to share the same dreams, and have the same ideals.
When I don’t gets any thing I just explore the nature for the best answers. Like negative charges always attracts positive charges, a man is always looks good with women (Please avoid weird combination
….), sun rises form east and sets in west. These all thing are vice verse. Well I do think extravert and introvert makes loving relationship with each other because they understand each other needs if one is weak in handling social situation other one would help other out. they support each other in every aspect of life in which one is weaker.
I’m surprised your therapist said that, because it makes more sense that an introvert/introvert couple would enjoy spending their time together alone staying in whereas an introvert/extravert could clash over social needs–an extravert could get frustrated by the introvert not wanting to go out and socialize and the introvert could be uncomfortable and bored while extravert strikes up conversations with strangers. Introvert/introvert and extravert/extravert make more sense as couples, but on the bright side an introvert/extravert couple could possibly complement each other.
My opinion, LOVE conquers all it doesn’t matter if two introverts. As long as love exist. The point of it is to love and be love by someone.
Vernon´s last post ..how to meet women
I believe that two introverts can establish a relationship, it is important to have mutual respect, and that they share the best in relationship.
It would probably become a great relationship as each knows and understand how things have to be when ti comes to certain situations.
kate´s last post ..michaels coupons
You can never say that it will never work for love finds it way to make the relationship successful given a fact that your partner is an introvert or not. I think it is about making sacrifices and accepting the character of the person to make the relationship work.
I know an introvert with an extrovert wife. But introverts with introverts is not impossible too.
Fred@Dental Hygienist Schools´s last post ..Advantages Of Joining A Dental Hygienists’ Association
I totally disagree with your therapist. I believe introverts can completely trust only fellow introverts as it is they who can understand the intimacy that an introvert covets.
Ellie
Ellie@myancietyexperiences.com´s last post ..my anxiety experiences
I think it could work. Me and my man are both introverted, but thats the reason why we can understand and help each other. He always understands my problems, he only needs to look at my eyes and he knows what to do when i am depressed.
Cindy´s last post ..Toothache home remedies and natural cures
I don’t see why it wouldn’t work. Only thing is it might take the two a while to tell one another they would like to have a relationship with each other! Although, as an introvert myself, sometimes I hope the woman I meet is more outgoing than I am and likes to talk so I can just sit there and listen. Or else I think there would be a lot of silence.
Burak@Car Buying Tips´s last post ..You have finally decided to purchase a car, but where do you start looking?
there are pros and cons to whoever you meet…thats just process. I’m one of the quieters ones and avoid chit chat (unless I’m at work than I HAVE to talk to ppl). I prefer it that way most days, but the benefit of an extrovert friend or partner does have its perks. They are annoying at times but at least its never boring…
I strongly believe that it does not matter whether you are introvert or extrovert. There should be connection between the two people and that is what keeps the relationship working. Of course it will take time for both to understand each other but it will work.
John T.´s last post ..Propiedades del alpiste.
I think once two introverts have broken the ice there is no reason why they shouldn’t go on to have a good loving relationship if that is something they are looking for. Personally I think their are other factors that are more important in determining a good relationship with respect and understanding being just two of those factors.
BB´s last post ..How to Keep a Partner Interested
It may have some effects but I do think that when you love someone, you don’t need to be opposite or the same. You just know that it is love as long as the relationship works out really fine.
What a brilliant post. You should do a series!
I did a sort of blogging for dummies over
on one of the craft forums and I thought it was too simple for them, but the amount of
emails I got asking questions just like what you addressed was unbelievable. As young
people today we have grown up with computers, but it’s easy to forget that even people
just a few years older have not! Really good post!
Fatic Mondol´s last post ..home owner insurance that are cheap
I believe there is no general or final rule in relationships. Each one comes on a case to case basis. We can never say that introverts can only be compatible with introverts, the same way that an introvert cannot be happy with an extrovert. All relationships are unique and people come together not because opposites attract or similar poles repel; but because there is love and understanding of personal differences.
A relation between introverts can definately work as long as you are able to communicate with your eyes, actions and body language.
This can turn everything into magic.
Talha @ Translation Services Agency´s last post ..[15.11.2011] Introduction to Multilingual SEO: International SEO Campaigns
I really do not lke the phone. I just got a cell in Dec. of 2008 and I only got it for emergencies. I would rather talk to people in person. No, I am not slow to think of something to say. I would rather just look at the person and talk about important things, not just make small talk.
Rochelle´s last post ..how to invest in penny stocks
I tottaly agree with Talha
Dr med Dragan Stojicevic´s last post ..Poliomijelitis (dečja paraliza)
Another thing, you should get rid of your “therapist”.
Anything can work as long as the will is there, communication does not have to be through speaking.
Like I said, let your eyes, body and actions speak.
I can guarantee that it would work well.
who says that introvert/introvert relationships doesn’t work? It all depends on the chemisty between the couple. I dated both introverts and extroverts and each taught me something about what I was looking for. Experiment and fire that shrink of your.
At the risk of seeming like a broken record, I’d say an introvert/introvert relationship has a better chance of working than an introvert/extrovert. At least, in terms of a long term serious arrangement. If both people were able to “sync up” their private time, it could prove to be a very strong parring.
For sure, a lot of people can relate to this even the parents and the introverts itself…
Felly´s last post ..Great Affiliate Softewares Reviews
I am definitly sure that your therapist is wrong. Don’t take every word he/she says. Introver-intorver or introvert-extravert it doesn’t matter. All that matters is LOVE and how much trust you have in each other. With love everything is possible. Impossible things become posible so don’t give up and fight for your love
Kenny Sewell´s last post ..Laptop data recovery
Of course that introvert can be with an extrovert, no problem. In a relationship you adjust and it goes fine as lon g as you respect eachother.
You know, you kept me thinking, I am actualy an introvert and my partner is extrovert and works just fine
Frank Zweegers´s last post ..Schilderkunst
I m still waiting for new posts because I am learning a lot from this.
I have read, Introvert-Introvert relationship could work much better than Extrovert-extrovert ones, if there is a match like Introvert-Extrovert, it usually considered to work the best.
Personally these are all theories, the only thing that works better is that tuning compatibility!!
John Armstrong@double glazing prices´s last post ..UPVC windows
Besides drivers talking on the phone, I doubt there is more I detest than talking on the phone. I just recently got a cellphone, only because I was in an emergency situation and didnt have a phone. That;s the only thing that convinced me to get it. Now it kind of sits around collecting dust or I’ll call my hubby while in the grocery store to ask him what flavor ice cream he wants. I love the internet, but it wouldn’t bother me if I never talked on the phone.
Bethany´s last post ..penny stock trading
I have studied psycology and i can say they there are no “pure” introverts or extroverts in reality. Besides, people can change themselves if they want to. Also there are no ideal relationships and you know it.
You MUST get a new therapist. I know many happy couples of Introverts.
I think it would work well too… I dated a girl that was an extreme extrovert and wanted to go to parties and take pictures with all her friends blah blah… and I would just stand there bored as hell. I think it would be more difficult to be in a relationship like that versus two introverts.
Hmmm, why 2 introverts won’t work ? They should not be introvert with themselves if they are in a relationship.
Charles@charismatique´s last post ..S’enrichir sans avoir d’argent : partie 2
I agree that there are no exceptions in love..Everything can be possible…
Tenny´s last post ..How to Deal With The Xbox 360 3 Red Ring Problem
It has been awhile since the last post. I hope to read a new one this post christmas treat.
I love the article but now I’m not sure which I enjoy more, the article or the discussion that follows. I have been somewhat in both scenarios, with the duality of a Gemini, and it really boils down to understanding each other fully and respecting who you are and nurturing what makes one another happy.
I really do not lke the phone. I just got a cell in Dec. of 2008 and I only got it for emergencies. I would rather talk to people in person. No, I am not slow to think of something to say. I would rather just look at the person and talk about important things, not just make small talk.
Crystal´s last post ..stock trading