Comments on: Love and the introvert

By: bob v

bob v — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 01:55:17 +0000

Read your comments on the blog about introverts — I , too , have never had a relationship w/ this type of person and it’s a different experience. We have told each other we love each other , are there for each other but it is a struggle sometimes. This blog is a help with some of it

By: bob v

bob v — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 01:48:18 +0000

Just found out about introverts– and I have been dating one for four years ( off and on, it seems.. ) I knew nothing about it , went thru a lot of emotional heartbreak ( does she care , cancelling dates at the last minute claiming exhaustion from work ( 10 hr days )

By: Dinorah

Dinorah — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:41:08 +0000

Hi Charlotte, my apologies for taking so long to reply. The name of the book is “THE INTROVERT ADVANTAGE “

By: Ali

Ali — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 17:28:45 +0000

Hi and Happy Christmas
I just ran into your blog while searching 4 more information about introverted people and hopefully found the best one fast. Thanks G.
My story is the same. A guy (in this story I am the Guy), meets a wonderful, well-educated girl and as time goes by the beats of his heart gets faster and faster. At first, I tried my best to prove my all considerations and passion by asking around“ok honey how are you feeling these days?” or asking about her family to keep her happy, as we are both in university at the same field of study and both are far from our families. Having this in mind that “I should be cautious, not to disturb her by sounding like a busybody guy.”
But after a while she explained to me that she is an introverted and you don’t know how to act with an introverted. It was a bit hard to abide by but I knew that I should start over. Putting a pile of psychological books on desk and starting to read.
Now, the situation is getting better and better. But there is a big question that I could not find its answer even in your great article. The question is “How should I know that how an introverted girl is feeling about me?” I can’t get through the point whether I am in her league or not.
Thanks a million guys
Wish you the bests
Happy Christmas

By: Charlotte

Charlotte — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 18:43:08 +0000

I would really love to know the name of the book you refer to.

By: jade@keywords

jade@keywords — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 15:19:06 +0000

thanks, reading both Dinorah’s and your post has provided insight as the why the spotty relationship between my introverted love interest has been so hard. we’ve gone in and out of this for the last 4+ years. right now I have the silent treatment going on and I can’t tell if I’ve been dropped for good or it’s just a reflective time for him, which makes me crazy. I never know if he’ll just walk away without a word – meanwhile it becomes more of a pronounced one-sided interaction until I am tired of it and back off. what’s more funny is that my dad was an “I” to my mom’s strong E and a previous boss was also an “I” and I find myself with the stronger E tendency in my adult years…only today do I realize I’ve had these experiences in my past that should have taught me something if I only really paid attention. reading a lot of these posts somehow gives me hope and if this particular relationship doesn’t pan out, at least now I know it’s because the differences may have been too much.

By: Justine

Justine — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 01:14:32 +0000

My husband is an extrovert and I’ve introverted. He is always wanting me to attend parties and hang out with his friends, whom he affectionately says are “our friends” even though I avoid socialisation with them at nearly all costs. Recently he brought it up again and I think I will show him this blog. It mirrors everything I feel and the social pressure.

By: hank1231

hank1231 — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 15:59:20 +0000

I found your site after some searching…wondering why I was so different from msot other people. your info helps a lot!
As for rejection…that hole is deep and hurts like hell doesn’t it? I’m dealing with one now

By: Wife of introvert

Wife of introvert — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 15:47:08 +0000

Hi all,

I’m not sure how long ago this blog was posted but I’ve just discovered this site and its been such a great discovery. I admire Dinorah’s comment – she’s been much more intelligent and understanding to her man than I have been (being I suppose extrovert myself!). I wanted to write primarily for some of the people above who have found their introverted personality a ‘deal breaker’ and explain the opposite perspective (for some of us extros). I’m married to the best man in the whole world, for nearly 4 years now, and its taken me until recently to get anywhere close to understanding him.

Before now I’ve just been showing him love in the best ways I can (sometimes right/wrong) and never knowing what effect or otherwise it has had on his life – am I making life better for you or not? I just stick it out in the marriage because I adore him, but never quite sure if there’s a future for us or not, ‘cos I have no idea how I’m doing (if I get abuse from intro’s for being so dense, its completely deserved haha!)

My main issue as a woman has always, always been – ‘how much does he love me?’. And constantly not feeling trusting/secure of this lovely man, because I simply didn’t have the faintest clue what was going on inside his heart/mind. Now, for background, my husband is not in any way complicated, deceitful, etc etc or vaguely worthy of my mistrust, and I think my lack of trust has hurt him terribly at different times (thankfully learnt not to do that last coupla years). So where does it go wrong? Probably because I’m so used to an extrovert family giving me feedback (eg, you hurt me when you did this, or I love you (a million times a day)) and its been crazy going into an environment where I’ve got no verbal feedback for my actions/words but just this quiet, not-sure-if-he’s-mad-or-just-quiet, what-the-heck-is-he-sitting-there-thinking, kinda content looking guy on the sofa next to me. It’s like going into a relative emotional vacuum. And all this time if I’d had more brains to do my research (like Dinorah) I’d have learnt earlier what that quietness means – not ‘the silent treatment’ but rather he’s just content – he’s just FINE – leave the poor bloke alone!!
Plus, I’d have had sense to look at the signs that he DOES show, that he loves me – those actions rather than those words (of which there are plenty in my marriage) (now I realise it doesn’t all have to be verbal!).

But what help can I offer you people who’s women/men are fed up with the quietness? Well I can honestly tell you we extro partners (or something like that?!) not trying to be difficult, but its SO HARD having the constant self-confidence to know the other person is enthralled with you despite never saying a word about it. You crave some display of what the intro really feels about you – those heartfelt questions like ‘what does this relationship mean to you?’ ‘why did you choose me?’ ‘are you happy with me?’ etc etc. Not talking about constant gushy emotional conversations, just a little ‘risking yourself’ and making those deeper parts of yourself plain and vulnerable to us. A little comment, be it written/spoken/lyrics of a wellknown song or poem or whatever, can tide us over for AAAAGES, so that when we see you sitting there in your silent solitude, we have the strength/confidence in ourselves to believe, ‘its not me, its just him being quiet’.

I don’t know if thats any help to anyone, sorry its a bit long. With best wishes and prayers for your relationships.

By: Dinorah

Dinorah — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 02:00:07 +0000

I am an extrovert in love with an introvert. As an extrovert I have always been surrounded by extroverts all of my life and then I met a wonderful guy that I thought there was something wrong with him. He was too quiet! for an extrovert that is a deal breaker. I never even heard of introverts. We dated a couple of times, and there was something about him that attracted me so much but the quiet thing I couldn’t handle. I thought to myself, I don’t want to loose an awesome guy because he is quiet, how stupid does that sound. I talked to my sister and she told me; he is an introvert. I was like what is that, she explained how introverts thought process is different, how they love or express their feelings differently. She gave me a book about introverts and I began to read and read, he fit every single characteristic of introverts. His job, his hobby, his few friendships, etc… Of course my friends would all comment how quiet he is, asking if he is bored, if he is a snob… At first I would make up excuses but then it started to irritate me the fact that they didn’t understand an introvert. I decided to listen to my gut and heart instead of my friends. My family is very accepting of him and they understand introverts. I’ve got to tell you that if you are in a introvert/extrovert relationship, the extrovert needs an eye opener like this book was for me. It helped me so much to understand the introvert world. This made the difference choosing to stay with my boyfriend. I love my introvert man and we have been together for 3 yrs. I’m hoping he’ll pop the question soon, but I know you can not pressure the introvert, they will do it at their own time. So, the lesson here is… educate your extrovert. Is not that we can’t love introverts, is that we don’t know how. And if that person is now aware of how introverts function and still doesn’t accept it, then they don’t deserve you.