For the many years I didn’t know what an introvert was, I told people close to me that I guessed I was a “loner.” It was the only way I could describe the fact that although I might chitchat and joke around with others when we were all together, when it came time to run errands I enjoyed just taking off alone. It usually did not occur to me to ask someone if they wanted to come and look at [clothes, sofas, books, plants, cat food] with me. After all, I was the one who needed whatever it was, and I can definitely think better and make better decisions when no one is talking to me. As I’ve said before, I have a lot of great friends I’ve made over the years, and I really enjoy their company. But it’s just in my nature to head out on my own when I need to do something. For lack of a better term, I used the term “loner” to label myself quickly when people would express hurt at being left out of all the fun I was having. (Sadly, the news media and people who just don’t know any better often use that term to mean someone who’s actually antisocial: one who hates society and may even do active harm like mass shootings).
Although I need to be alone a certain percent of my time, and I have a blast when reading or doing other things on my own, I’m also capable of being really lonely. Once in a while I have found myself in a situation where I was alone for a weekend and wanted to do something with a friend but for some reason the ones I’d try to contact were unavailable. Maybe it was a holiday weekend or just a coincidence, but I have found myself alone on a weekend with no plans at all and realized I was terribly lonely. By late on a Saturday afternoon of such a weekend, I have actually been the one who’s raking or weeding in the front yard, talking to any and every neighbor who walks by, or walking a few miles, hoping I’ll run into someone I know as I go. When that happened, I wondered – am I not a loner like I thought? What happened to the woman who loves to run out alone to do her own thing? It just didn’t add up! The answer is, it’s not that I want to be alone all the time. I like people and enjoy them very much. I just can’t be with people all of the time. I am an introvert.
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As an introvert, my battery has to be charged, just like the battery of a laptop. When the battery is fully charged, a laptop runs great and is quite valuable. No one would say a laptop is weird or bad because it has to be recharged. We simply learn that that is how laptops are designed so we make sure we charge them before we need them. Extroverts are more like basketballs. As long as someone is there doing something with them, basketballs have plenty of energy, which they get by being bounced by a person. When they are left alone, they aren’t bouncing anymore. No one would say that a basketball is useless just because it doesn’t jump off the shelf and bounce by itself. We understand that basketballs need people to give them the energy to go.
If you love to run errands alone or love to eat lunch at your desk at work or anything else like that, don’t let anyone make you feel as if you are “odd” or “aloof” or worse still, “antisocial.” If you recharge your batteries best when you get some time alone, you are most likely an introvert, and just knowing that is so awesome and explains so much. Now you know why you start feeling anxious in a long meeting or when house guests won’t leave. That feeling is totally expected for introverts, and now you’ll know that you need to break away – alone – in order to feel and function at your best. Likewise now you can understand why you may feel lonely today, when it was just yesterday you were craving some time alone. Introverts are normal human beings (despite what you may have heard) 
and of course we need others. In fact we form very strong and deep connections, when we find people we really like and like to be with. Once we understand our needs for companionship vs. solitude, we can come closer to the right balance where we get plenty of blissful and refreshing alone time, yet we never get all the way to lonely.
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Absolutely, I am an introvert. I found this site after Googling “Alone Time”. My failing marriage is what prompted this search. I am apparently the “Bad Guy” in our 23 year marriage, and I always have been. The true root of our issues is that I Never, Ever, get any “Alone Time”. I make my living in sales (oddly enough) so I am forced to deal with unbelievably difficult people All-Day-Long, only to come home and have my wife in my face and demanding all of my attention. We have two wonderful sons (22 & 15 years of age) and it seems like both of them “Get Me”. They seem perfectly okay to let Dad re-charge and enjoy one another’s company in small doses. My Wife, on the other hand, can’t be alone in a car for 5-minutes without filling the air with mind numbing blabber. I have tried to expain the concept of comfortable silence to her, but it’s like trying to expain Dawinism to a Catholic Priest, or trying to explain Christ’s plan of Salvation to an Atheist, or trying to explain Socialism to a Republican (you get the picture), it ain’t gonna happen. I am so happy that I found this posting. Ahhh, kindred spirits…
J.C.
I totally get the “alone time” thing. When I get home, I crave desperately to have no one to talk to and no one to please. I also have a very social job. I need to be patient and listen all day. When I get home, I want to stare blankly at something (a television, a book, a computer)
Ironically, I feel alone as a loner. I dream of vacations by myself. Not because I like myself so much, but because I don’t like dealing with people. I’m a horrible smoozer, I smooze, but I don’t enjoy it. I can smooze people who are humble, but I abhor smoozing people who think they are all that.
I can enjoy people, but people who aren’t up tight and pretentious. People who can understand a soulful silence. There are times to talk and there are times to listen. listen to the sounds of a creek or the wind through the aspen. There are times to talk and to listen. Listen to your own mind and hear your own self. Silence isn’t necessarily ignoring—sometimes silence is just observing.
Marcha, isn’t it wonderful to just get so alone, away from everyone and sit against the tree and look into the forest, listen to the gentle birds, feel the Sun and the wind gently brush by. At nights, I sit for hours to just listen to all the Birds sing a night time Lollyby until the last bird sings. All of the other birds hush and listen to it and it will sing and sing, almost as tho all of God’s creatures are just listening to him. Silence is the absense of noise and a beaut to it, calm, a place that once we keep going there, it becomes a place of no return. Being in the social life or sales or serving people, etc can be harshly a toll breaker on a person. We are the bad guys or gals it seems when we want that alonement. I finally got it after I dreamed my way to it. After having much socialism in my life, much competition, much what all the world has to offer, I finally decided that my fear of living alone in a remote area that you would never had found me doing when I was younger, is my Paradise now and my need to be ALONE and a Retrovert was greater than my need to be with anyone. With so many homes in disharmony this day and time, I found that the answer to it all is simply Silence. But you can not get them to see it is why they babble and do not listen. I would rather listen for it keeps the you centered, grounded, at least for me. I also believe that Introverts are Empath’s, until they have to take much much time, alone and just breath.
Jamman, I applaud you! I too am an Introvert, despite the Locals see me as peculiar, weird, anti sociable, etc. or even a split personality person, if I do choose to go out and mingle, once in a blue moon and can be the life of a party, to resume back home in my solace place, ALONE. I even had questioned my own self until I found this site and saw that what I am, is perfect for me and like minds. You have to deal with neons of personality’s on your job. When you get home, all you want is Quiet or Space. Your zone. Your kids get this for they too have to deal with neons of personality’s and for now it doesn’t bare on them as much. As far as your wife……. in my belief that she is the personalty that does not grasp the need for the Sounds of Silence nor respect it. I get phone calls from people constantly and if I do not answer the phone, they call my landlord and or my family and get in a cycle and I think to myself…..OMG can not you all leave me alone until I call you! People of some natures have a hard time with imagination of Life and boundaries and this is what creates the division. This is my perspective and works for me but may not for others. I am not an exspert, only a happy go lucky Introvert that is thrilled with having pets as my companion and wildlife to heal. Nature teaches alot. For me, Silence is the Medicine of God, good to heal the soul after so much Congestion of Noise. We are appreciators of Less is more and of Life for after all, Silence is Golden. Tranquilty is a must these days! Good Luck! The Mind needs space, else it suffocates and so it is the Introvert will as well. For me, I become frazzeled and withdrawn when suffocated constantly with chatter and compelled to be more alone. I have lost alot of friends due to being a Loner or Introvert, but no one needs friends that are unwilling to accept who you are. Not everyone is a barrier crosser and still has some morals. If the people do not make it too your future, you did not need them. Introverts are very independent minded and need to feel whole and a consistant, kill joy, babbling person sucks the life out of them, how I know. Take Care.
Ha ha, I found this because my girlfriend and I just had a fight about how having an hour or two just being alone is apparently “selfish” of me, but I honestly feel as though I’m being strangled to death if I can’t get away and read a book or something.
I grew up an only child, her with multiple brothers and sisters, so I don’t think she even understands the concept.
Wow….It’s truly amazing people, in a sad attempt to put a label on themselves, use words incorrectly. First of all, stop with the need to try to make yourself unique or special with labels. Second, if you’re going to ignore the first, at least use words correctly. You are not even close to the true definition of introvert. For that matter, you’re not even unique. Everyone enjoys times alone sometimes. Using your intellect, every person in the world would be an introvert.
Robert, That is your perspective and everything has a name, label, or spirit and who is to say it is not the correct definition? Science? Lamens Terms? Dictionary’s? Psychiatrist? Well that is entirely wrong for in everyting, there is No end of an explanation and everything is unique in it’s own way and to be prescise, it is up to every individual to find their Unique way, for we are All Special. Even Psychiatrist, whe they can not find what is wrong, they create a name for it. When Science can not prove something, then it is not Valid to them, but, we as humans are to be very much applauded for searching for Who or where we belong. Encouragement is wonder, discouragement is not. We use our intellects very well, us Introverts. Life is so much more than being a bummer! Life is creating what we want in it and what we do not and what we can live with or without and only a Strong person would use their intellect to Listen, and Knows that we are Love and Love has no end and Real and sure beats a bummer world. An Introvert enjoys alot of Alone time away from the ones that do not understand, and if they want to be a hermit for a while, perhaps they have their reasons, they will come out when ready. What works for one, may not work for the other but we have that one basic thing in come, Oneness, Alone, to collect ourselves, that is why we are Introverts and Unique and Special and again everyone is Unique and Speical in their own way, and I just love it. Whether it is a state of mind or whatever it is, everyone has to have an identity or people of kindred spirits, it is hope, understanding, soothing, in a world that is very Dogmattic on being Politically Correct. However I am certain you will disagree and that is okay, for We Introverts are Okay with ourselves, it is the ones that are not Okay with us that feel the need to say so. Everything begins with Mind and the mind can be infinite as far as it wants to go or finite. Thank God for the immagination! For without it, we would not be here or alive.
Why are people who are obviously not introverts and don’t have any concept of what it’s all about even on this website?
Wow Robert- you seem like a really pleasant person to be around ;p
Thank you. Very interesting and thoughtful analogy … I’ve always loved the fellowship and parties …. After this article I began to doubt and began to notice that sometimes I’m better alone
Being alone and recharging our batteries in peace..is good for anyone, introverts, and extroverts alike. But isnt not good nor healthy to close off totally to our loved ones, to not join in life and live. Extroverts can be homebodies, and love the normal and boring, but want to be together.
People who love you dont want to change you, they accept you for who you are, but its not healthy for anyone to be a hermit. But independence and different interests, shopping alone, or a museum, but sharing your experiences with your partner.
So true…we like to work on OUR schedule!!!
I really liked the way how Robert said it. Being an introvert is all in the state of mind. Let’s just be happy for others and for ourselves of who we are.
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It is not healthy to be introvert all the time. People who are over-friendly also need time to be alone and vice versa. What we need is balance in our lifestyle.
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Introverts need good friends who will encourage them to go out of their shell and be back to normal. Right? I was able to overcome that too.
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Robert: I’m not sure why you think the writer here used the term “introvert” incorrectly, but from a scientific standpoint she used it just fine. Introversion and extroversion is determined in large part by an area of the brain called the reticular formation. This area controls awareness and energy, for lack of a better word. People with highly active reticular formations are introverts; less external stimulation is required to keep the brain entertained, and too much stimulation can exhaust the person. Too, there is a whole range of introversion and extroversion; many people need alone time, the amount of needed alone time will vary.
I have to totally agree with you Ashleigh.
All the best,
Eren
Thank you. Very interesting and thoughtful analogy … I’ve always loved the fellowship and parties ….
I don’t think there is something wrong with being alone sometimes or lets say often? It does not mean that you do not go out with your friends just for the sake of going out and not having fun is something that you should be really be pained for. I like the fact that I have time for myself and me alone.
Thank you so much for writing this. I honestly thought I was the only one and felt like everyone around me was a lot closer just because they all want people around them all the time. I get uncomfortable when I begin to get close to somebody but when I pass that barrier its not problem when they understand I don’t like staying over, nights in (or out). I feel better, its perhaps sad that this made me cry because I am so relieved to feel understood. Thank you.
I So perfectly understand and I too was one that was so misunderstood. I was a very out going person once, the life of the Party so to speak, but could not wait to get alone, a sufferer in silence individual was me. Doctor’s, Psychiatrist, Therapist, Priest, Family, Police, all, thought me as a very perculiar one. Of course, that leaves a heavy stigmata on a some people, that they do not even feel comfortable and botch words and sentences and so forth, tongue tied, embarassed, and always having to answer to people as too why they did not answer the door, phone or stop by. Some pushing dates on me, saying a pretty lady should never be alone and so I would listen and found that the company did not want to go home or wanted me to stay with them and so forth and I would feel absolutely pushed at that point, very pushed and could not again wait to be alone. Researching helps, but can lead you to many avenues and tho it seems comparable to fit into certain groups, the gut feeling always say’s Nah, this don’t feel right either. So then I found this web site and a long time I just read and listened and thought of the pro’s and con’s and that I was not on a Pitty party as some would say, but in search of truth, for the greatest journey in life is finding out who you really are, inside, not outside. Often we are people to please everyone until we find we never did make them happy, so we begin to introspect ourselves. I would cry often as I am sure anyone that has been at this point did, get angry, even a bit nuts at times. Things we enjoyed did not feel the spot either once as it did but we find other things beyond ourselves and then think Wow, I am still strange and aloof and so sad. I lost contact with friends for they always wanted me to go out, lost contact with family for they always wanted to fuss, lost contact with all that was discouraging for as in Introvert, all things are possible and there are solutions to all answers, but for some there is never an answer it seems and I begin to stear clear of that kind of person, to help myself, or else the blind lead the blind into the ditch. I am an author of several books and enjoyed taking the time, delving into mysteries and what if’s and that was priceless for me to be a publisher, yet I love to be aloof and hand out Novela’s to a total stranger for fun and then run! I love people, but I love being Alone, it is a uniqueness to finding like minds. Who is to say that we can not have our own language, imperfect and not politically correct? Or to create or add to who we are as individuals. I do not speak fluent, nor spell great, nor always on track and way off key but isn’t it time for those of us that relish Silence of the Minds as a totem, a natural gift for everything changes and this is a grand opportunity to give ourselves a chance to explore the FACT that until Who Ever you believe in or if One believes in God, or not, that one thing is for sure, we are co creators of our Story and until whatever we believe in to be surpreme comes down and tells us we are wrong, then we keep on keeping on, not when society say’s we are wrong. My heart goes out and encouragement to you and anyone in search of themselves, the Reality of a Real meanning in life, beyond this labrynth of so much doubt in the world to awaken a sound in the silence that steadily can calm us, where there is so much dismal, so much doubt, so much misunderstanding and lack of compassion, a sound of silence that can awaken the sleeping butterfly’s within us all, the true nature of ourselves, rather than the ordinary. After all in the end, only kindness matters, my kindred spirit friend!
Yep so I’m definitely an introvert… I’ve always wished I was extroverted since I know you need connections in life, but truth is I just feel much more “at home” when I’m alone.
I’m an introvert. 100%. Going out has never ever appealed to me-I’m perfectly content to sit alone somewhere with my iPod and a book and my journal and I can sit alone for hours and be content. I love being alone and I just don’t get enough alone time.
Alone time is essential to my well being and health. If I don’t get it I get cranky and go off on people. I’m one of those introverts that never ever gets lonely.
Dude i’m like so glad i found this page. For awhile i always thought that something was wrong with me. I really don’t like going out much or talking to people, always considered by my friends as “anti-social” or “a coyote” i just didn’t get it. when i’m alone i feel like i could do anything..give me a project it’s done as long as i’m working alone. I find myself thinking to myself internally also watching and observing people lol ontop of it all i’m a virgo so i’m so introverted haha. I get easily tired i could be doing nothing and find that i’ve tired myself out mentally with all the thoughts i’ve thought all day. I hate that people won’t just let me be I always feel like i’m being strange because I rarely come out of my comfort zone, people always think i’m so sercretive or aloof. My friends think i don’t like them because, I don’t like expressing myself..I tell them it’s just that I deal with my problems a different way..they still don’t understand me. Sometimes not being so social does have it’s down fall, like whenever I’m talking to people I tend to not “feel” a connection I like i’m being fake and just laughing just to fit it. I love music mostly toro y moi or nujabes type vibes really get to me i feel music is my only connection to this world speaking of the world I adore her. i hate littering. On days when the weathers just right i find myself wishing i could just fly ya know? go live on a cloud and bum it out to some really groovy tunes. My girlfriend is Extroverted so sagittarius (sigh) she’s such a lady but i find myself worried that my “anti-socialism” is getting to her. She’s all lets go do this, that, and the other all at the same time. Always up for meeting new people, in conversations with other people i find it’s usually her that’s saying things and if something does come out of my mouth i feel that much awkward. I find myself getting stuck and having to understand why and she just flows right on. I’m still learning who i am and this page helped alot ya know..i am who i am and that’s alright with me.
I can relate to that – I sometimes feel like I’m having a “fake” conversation too, as thought I don’t really want to make random chitchat. I prefer not to say something unless I feel it.
I would like to clear up something that a lot of people here don’t seem to understand– the word “anti-social”. I have a very clear, awful memory of a group of girls who used to harrass me in high school calling me “anti-social” because, in their eyes, I didn’t “socialize” enough or properly. The term “anti-social” is a term used to describe a person who is against society, often who wishes harm upon society, people like Timothy McVey and the Unabomber. These people have an actual mental illness. That does not describe me or most other introverted people. It is a very VERY different beast altogether. Please don’t use the word if you don’t know what it means. (just saying this in general, not to anyone here)
good,
I like your saying that introverts are just like laptops, extroverts are like basketballs.
it means extrovert relies on people to have some energy, introverts relies only on their own resources.
I am an intorvert and i am satisfied with my life by spending my life with family and avoiding mess of people..
your post is really nice.
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Thank you. Very interesting and thoughtful analogy
I am an introvert too, I just love being alone and I am satisfied with it.
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I ‘m glad I found this site too. On the rare occasions when my wonderful boyfriend goes home, and the kids go out, I am alone without the TV on, in my head I’m saying YES YES YES!!!
I have always been uncomfortable around people who chatter with the words just falling naturally out of their mouths so easily. Sometimes I can do that with a certain person, usually one on one who I can connect with. I avoid parties and group events, even tho I wish I could go and be comfortable. Luckily, now that I’m older and aware of how I am, I can allow myself to embrace the introvert in me!
I wish I could have changed all those years of feeling inadequate…
I work alone as a a designer / draftsman, I have a wonderful, creative career and still, I must muster up enough courage to present and sell my ideas to clients. My dog rides with me (she is an introvert too! ) and after a meeting, we stop at a trailhead and go for a hike … Yes, to recharge!! Then I can carry on.
Thanks for reading!
Sounds just like me; introverted with a desire to be creative, don’t like big parties , need to recharge. Funny it never occurred to me until well into my adulthood that there’s a class of people like that; before the internet they seemed invisible. You’d only hear the talkative people’s point of view
Thank-You for sharing your great comments. It wasn’t until just recently that I realized I am an introvert, which explains partly the “weirdness”. In American culture, people are expected to be extroverted. In fact, extroversion is such a social norm in the U.S. that introverts are quite often dubbed as strange, aloof, too quiet, anti-social, backed into a shell, observing from a perch, and what else have I heard??? Yes, I enjoy being alone, but I also love to be around people that I trust. My friends are few at the moment, but they are close and carefully chosen. Over the years, I have known many great people and had wonderful friends, but the energy only rebounds during those precious alone times. Real friends, great friends, understand this! Have a blessed day.
Most people saying being alone is a bad thing are probably extroverts. Just because it doesnt make sense or seem foreign to you doesnt mean it seems completely normal to an inrovert.. Everyones mind is slightly different.. Everyone thinks what they do makes sense to them.. I dont understand why ppl feel the need to argue over things.. Thats a reason I like to be alone. Cant ppl understand that everyone they meet is not going to be like them.. For christ sake we aee minisculw compaeed to the rest of the universe
that’s one of life’s mysteries – why some people seem to think everyone is (or should be ) just like themselves. Same values, same thoughts, same judgements.
I am a introverted person first of all, sorry if my English is sucks or some of my grammar is wrong i just want to express myself.
I am a introverted person I hate crowds, i hate people that are noisy, I hate people who are not letting me alone, I hate people who always letting me ashamed, i hate people who always forced me to express myself, i hate people who always forced me to be a extravert or friendly person sometimes i am nervous when i talking to somebody, at home i am a little bit extravert but in school and in my friends i am a introverted some of my classmates always encouraged me to be friendly at school, i am very quiet some of my classmates will sarcastic jokingly talk to me and give me a pet name of “hey noisy girl” but it is fine when some times our teacher ask us to make a bookmark to our friend sometimes i received one or two bookmark not so many while my other classmates received many bookmarks i am the only one who received two bookmarks sometimes in my classroom majority of my classmates are extraverts they are noisy and easily bored when nobody talks to them and in my society too majority are extraverts because in my country the majority of people are friendly by the way i am from Philippines sometimes my classmates look down on me because i am a introvert person sometimes I experience discrimination but it is fine to me but I like to express myself in drawings sometimes if I am lonely I draw weird pictures and when I am happy i draw lonely people I don’t know why but that is the way how I express myself often I express myself in making a short story about me but in a different character but same personality and I finish my novel I spend my time alone in making some novels, drawings, and sometimes imaginary character. and I am not trying to be a arrogant here but i am a kind person and I am so very polite that’s why some other people always think I am weird because i am very polite but being a very polite here is weird for majority i don’t know why i enjoy my time for being alone, i feel more comfortable, i speak up only if they need me to speak up or when recitation and when i find this sites i am totally comfortable because when i am with some introverts like me i feel comfortable he-he that’s all thanks for your time
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I’ve read many of the postings from people stating they’ve discovered they are introverts based on the story. I agree with much of the article, but don’t consider myself an introvert or extrovert. So then where do I fit in? I love my alone time, and most people exasperate (sp) me. Mostly, I don’t want the hassle of being “on” around other people. But I also love having parties, having friends around and game nights, sometimes. My problem is that most relationships I’m in are very superficial. That’s great for a game night with friends, but it doesn’t work well in my home life. I’ve been married 27 years and I’ve always fought an internal battle. I’d like my closest relationships (my husband and kids) to be substantial. But I don’t think introverted people can have the same definition of a substantial relationship. Whereas I think my family is too distant, my family thinks I’m too clingy. How do we make a compromise that works under those circumstances?
Thank you so much for this article; for so long I have been struggling with myself, trying to understand who and what I am. I googled simple terms, and the Introvertism came to light.
Honestly, now that there is an explanation to everything I have always wondered, I feel, somewhat special
HAVE MANY FRIND THEY NOT TO INTREST TALK WITH ME THEY ARE SAYING IN FACE YOU ARE BORING AND BRAIN EATER . GIRLS ALSO THOUGHT
I’M WASTE CANDECT ALL ARE SAYING I WAS THE ASS HOLE OF THE COLLEGE
So this is what I am? I didn’t really know how to describe myself until I found this site. I thought I was antisocial or something because I deleted my facebook and I hardly want to hang out with people (even if sometimes I do feel the need of sharing time with others), and I hardly respond to text-messages or phone calls. Two friends that were really close to me in elementary through high school have tried talking to me and want to hang out, and I don’t respond because I don’t feel like I have anything in common with them now. Like it bothers me how they cuss and go out and have sex with someone they hardly know and things like that, am I a bad person because I don’t respond to their calls? I’m also afraid to hurt their feelings, but I just don’t know what to do. I don’t think I’m better than they are so what should I do? I also want to be a nurse and I love children, but I have noticed I get very anxious and nervous when there’s a lot of people around like in stores or at school. I hope I can be patient with people in a hospital setting.
I disagree that introverts “need help to be brought out of their shells” as some people have suggested here. I’m perfectly happy as an introvert, thank you very much. It’s not a disease or a mental illness. I am not suffering because I don’t fit the expectations of extroverts and the perpetually sociable about how I “should” be.
I am lucky enough to be surrounded by family and friends who have known for years that I am an introvert and recognise that not needing to interact with them all the time is not disapproval of them.
One of my friends put it best when I heard him say at a party: “Neil’s in screensaver mode again.”
I liked that.
Well said Neil. I am also perfectly content (after finally figuring out who I am) to be “within” myself. Nothing wrong with that! Nothing wrong with us!
I feel like when I come home I just want to relax and be quiet. I want alone time and then I go into my room and do something but then I miss being with my wife after like 5 minutes..then I spend time with her and when she leaves I realize that I haven’t spent enough time to recharge my batteries….it’s frustrating
Now I am single. I usually work lone. However, I need a new girlfriend… for my life. ^^
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I ran across this just at work after whimsically Googling the phrase “I just want to be friendly” – a momentary thought cast into the virtual universe.
It took me several years to figure out that I needed time alone more than other around me. Time to recharge, renew, think, rest, and be ‘centered’. I spent the majority of my school days feeling on the one hand that I enjoyed a lot of my time alone working on my own creative projects, but also feeling lonely at times because I wanted to connect.
Having just found this blog, I can echo many of sentiments expressed. I’d have loved to have had the ‘net when I was growing up; it might have been a great resource for connection and self understanding.
Even now I sometimes feel awkward at simply making conversation for the sake of it, or chatting on the phone – the phone is a medium where things feel odd if you’re not constantly talking – and my battery dies at some point as well. I find the battery metaphor fairly apt in describing myself. I do need charging, and then connection to a circuit to let some electricity flow. But the times I really feel great is with my own inspirations – creating, or just “being”.
It’s as though introverts have a discovery to make, i.e. that it’s mainly the extroverts who do most of the talking and they naturally tend to define the world as they see it. So the main points of view you hear ‘out there’ in the world, the media, etc. are extrovert-centric, group-centric conventional wisdoms expressed mainly by extroverts. It can be a lonely feeling because by the very nature of introversion you don’t get to hear from others like you that often. Moreover, some will put up a ‘front’ in order to go with the flow or try to fit in. It took me a while to realize that if introversion is good enough for Albert Einstein, it’s natural and meant to be. Everyone has their own path, and challenges along the way.
I used to say my ideal world was like a playground full of individual sandboxes .. .each of us were kids playing around, building something in our own sandbox. When a friend nearby needed help, I’d get out of our own box and come over to lend a hand. We’d talk for a while about the great sandcastle he or she was building, maybe help make the moat deeper, then I’d return to my own sandbox to continue my inspiration. I think that’s why I like working with my laptop at a cafe
Happy sandcastles!
@Chris C.
Thank you for such a wonderful description of how you view things! It is so very refreshing too see such a Positive approach in dealing. Often times, I have heard remarks of being Anti Socialable, Mental Illness, awkward, too bi polar, you name it, I have heard it about myself or others that are Introverts. I use to believe that as well or that Something was totally wrong with me and they did not Get me, for the longest time until I found others like myself and on this site. Giving the horrid nature of Today’s Dogmatic World, that can be cruel, it is a kind and peaceful thing to read utmost thoughts of Other’s that are genuine. We are not crazy, nor are we mental, we are a league of our own, Peculiar in deed. As we chase down our demon’s, accept them or find the good, bad and ugly to be a blessing in disguise, we are who we are. At finding many Psychic Vampires that never endingly seem to exhaust our energy, or are more takers than givers, makes it easy to understand the Introvert lifestyle as too why we hate to answer the phone, or the door, or go out or even go out for long periods, for to be honest, there is so much Drama that is so needless in the So Called Real World that we have to deal and live in. That to me is not Life, it is an exscuse for the way People blame it on Life, for we see Life differently and not so problematic and find solutions that seem to not fit in the Real World’s Agenda. We tend to be very Empathetic to other’s that are not Introverts and very Dramatic or Problematic, and We feel their emotions, pain, etc and it can be draining. They never change it seems and the one solution that still can be draining for me is that I just listen to them, and comfort rather than destain or give any adivice for sometimes my advice is in vain any how. So I seek out other’s like me, that still love too share, but I can see when they need to alone time and they can see when I need mine. At times, I am great with words and at times, I can totally sound so way out there on Pluto, so then I refrain from even talking, LOL. We need time to collect ourselves, in order to create but the World see’s it as Selfish but that is the World’s bad, not ours. All of my life, I spent it, going with the flow to fit in and then one day, I stood on that edge, being pushed, torn, laughed at, scorned, blamed, and I stopped running, and turned around and looked at each individual, how Lonely they must be and without a Life to chase me down, point fingers, compare how great they were to Me and then I laughed…….and none could figure out why I was laughing! And I challenged them all to even dare to be brave enough to go it alone, and none could, but I could. It is a second nature to Us, another way of life, a great stregnth in our own ways. If the world could only accept that No two snowflakes are alike and accept the differences in each, it would be at Peace. I love my Alonement, sometimes I get lonely and go out, and so relieved to get back home to My place, with my animals and the wilds of the wilderness, Nature. We are naturalist really and nature is very calming in a competetive and negative world. When I do go out, I by pass the negativity and smile and if I am comfronted with Psychic Vampires which are many, I try hard to keep my witts as to not lose charge of my battery. Love makes us Sound. Namaste
It’s a matter of their ignorance, and I definitely hope a lot of people will learn something about what introversion is – and that as much as they may *wish* we had their same personality traits, we do not!
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you’re right, it *can* be draining listening to extroverts keep talking , especially about their issues – it’s gpod to be supportive, but we must learn to keep the battery from running on empty.
Namaste.
sorry, that last comment was @Fran
I think that the biggest thing that helps me is humor, altho it is after the fact that everyone has finally went home, finally stopped calling and finally stopped complaining, and I finally escape to many days alone to centre myself, I resemble the Lady Madusa!! Rather than lil Cindrella that is merely happy with her Fairy God Mother and a few Church mice, LOL. I love people and believe in them which are my friends, family and enemies, but for the life of Me, I can not see why they do not believe in themselves for they are very predictable with the same unsolved issues each time we meet, and so I just rewind the recorder in my head for certainly it is inbedded from their previous conversations over and over and while they are complaining or insulting or both, I am saying mere words such as Wow, naw, oh you didn’t or OMG, for after all, it is their Story, they do not want to hear Mine because my lifestyle is so obsolete in their world, I am the loser and they are the winner’s so they say…. for as I mentioned earlier, it is totally in vain to give any Solutions, for after all, I am the Odd one with No life, They Think! We may as well have a Photographic Memory for We know each time basically the outcome that they do not even hear themselves and it is us that hear and listen and yep it can run the battery down, and then is when I am of the kindred spirit of Linda Blair and the crowning Epic screen Line on the Exorsist….my head is spinning round and round, tongue out, ranting and wanting so badly to say….”Get Out”…and a few more choice words that I won’t say on the Movie, LOL…..but, I end up suffering in silence as most of us do, to get any Peace….but the advantage of it is that I already know the forecast of it all when the phone rings, or door bell tings. So humor is my best defence in a very offensive world. I am very thankful for this Post and being able to give and receive feedback and we are not Alone, altho we love our alonement more and more and are an encouraging people. Namaste!
It is a remarkably thin line, isn’t it? We need more space, time and, well, space than others do but that needs to be finely balanced so as we don’t find ourselves alone more often than not. I struggle to articulate just how much I value my own time – I’ve been very fortunate to launch my site which has granted me time alone when things get too hectic and I need some peace, but at the same time, introverted or not, I need to know that those I love are still available to me.
Introverts can certainly get lonely. We’re introverts, not cold monsters who don’t need love, right!?
Anita x
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