For the many years I didn’t know what an introvert was, I told people close to me that I guessed I was a “loner.” It was the only way I could describe the fact that although I might chitchat and joke around with others when we were all together, when it came time to run errands I enjoyed just taking off alone. It usually did not occur to me to ask someone if they wanted to come and look at [clothes, sofas, books, plants, cat food] with me. After all, I was the one who needed whatever it was, and I can definitely think better and make better decisions when no one is talking to me. As I’ve said before, I have a lot of great friends I’ve made over the years, and I really enjoy their company. But it’s just in my nature to head out on my own when I need to do something. For lack of a better term, I used the term “loner” to label myself quickly when people would express hurt at being left out of all the fun I was having. (Sadly, the news media and people who just don’t know any better often use that term to mean someone who’s actually antisocial: one who hates society and may even do active harm like mass shootings).
Although I need to be alone a certain percent of my time, and I have a blast when reading or doing other things on my own, I’m also capable of being really lonely. Once in a while I have found myself in a situation where I was alone for a weekend and wanted to do something with a friend but for some reason the ones I’d try to contact were unavailable. Maybe it was a holiday weekend or just a coincidence, but I have found myself alone on a weekend with no plans at all and realized I was terribly lonely. By late on a Saturday afternoon of such a weekend, I have actually been the one who’s raking or weeding in the front yard, talking to any and every neighbor who walks by, or walking a few miles, hoping I’ll run into someone I know as I go. When that happened, I wondered – am I not a loner like I thought? What happened to the woman who loves to run out alone to do her own thing? It just didn’t add up! The answer is, it’s not that I want to be alone all the time. I like people and enjoy them very much. I just can’t be with people all of the time. I am an introvert.
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As an introvert, my battery has to be charged, just like the battery of a laptop. When the battery is fully charged, a laptop runs great and is quite valuable. No one would say a laptop is weird or bad because it has to be recharged. We simply learn that that is how laptops are designed so we make sure we charge them before we need them. Extroverts are more like basketballs. As long as someone is there doing something with them, basketballs have plenty of energy, which they get by being bounced by a person. When they are left alone, they aren’t bouncing anymore. No one would say that a basketball is useless just because it doesn’t jump off the shelf and bounce by itself. We understand that basketballs need people to give them the energy to go.
If you love to run errands alone or love to eat lunch at your desk at work or anything else like that, don’t let anyone make you feel as if you are “odd” or “aloof” or worse still, “antisocial.” If you recharge your batteries best when you get some time alone, you are most likely an introvert, and just knowing that is so awesome and explains so much. Now you know why you start feeling anxious in a long meeting or when house guests won’t leave. That feeling is totally expected for introverts, and now you’ll know that you need to break away – alone – in order to feel and function at your best. Likewise now you can understand why you may feel lonely today, when it was just yesterday you were craving some time alone. Introverts are normal human beings (despite what you may have heard) 
and of course we need others. In fact we form very strong and deep connections, when we find people we really like and like to be with. Once we understand our needs for companionship vs. solitude, we can come closer to the right balance where we get plenty of blissful and refreshing alone time, yet we never get all the way to lonely.
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Absolutely, I am an introvert. I found this site after Googling “Alone Time”. My failing marriage is what prompted this search. I am apparently the “Bad Guy” in our 23 year marriage, and I always have been. The true root of our issues is that I Never, Ever, get any “Alone Time”. I make my living in sales (oddly enough) so I am forced to deal with unbelievably difficult people All-Day-Long, only to come home and have my wife in my face and demanding all of my attention. We have two wonderful sons (22 & 15 years of age) and it seems like both of them “Get Me”. They seem perfectly okay to let Dad re-charge and enjoy one another’s company in small doses. My Wife, on the other hand, can’t be alone in a car for 5-minutes without filling the air with mind numbing blabber. I have tried to expain the concept of comfortable silence to her, but it’s like trying to expain Dawinism to a Catholic Priest, or trying to explain Christ’s plan of Salvation to an Atheist, or trying to explain Socialism to a Republican (you get the picture), it ain’t gonna happen. I am so happy that I found this posting. Ahhh, kindred spirits…
J.C.
I totally get the “alone time” thing. When I get home, I crave desperately to have no one to talk to and no one to please. I also have a very social job. I need to be patient and listen all day. When I get home, I want to stare blankly at something (a television, a book, a computer)
Ironically, I feel alone as a loner. I dream of vacations by myself. Not because I like myself so much, but because I don’t like dealing with people. I’m a horrible smoozer, I smooze, but I don’t enjoy it. I can smooze people who are humble, but I abhor smoozing people who think they are all that.
I can enjoy people, but people who aren’t up tight and pretentious. People who can understand a soulful silence. There are times to talk and there are times to listen. listen to the sounds of a creek or the wind through the aspen. There are times to talk and to listen. Listen to your own mind and hear your own self. Silence isn’t necessarily ignoring—sometimes silence is just observing.
Marcha, isn’t it wonderful to just get so alone, away from everyone and sit against the tree and look into the forest, listen to the gentle birds, feel the Sun and the wind gently brush by. At nights, I sit for hours to just listen to all the Birds sing a night time Lollyby until the last bird sings. All of the other birds hush and listen to it and it will sing and sing, almost as tho all of God’s creatures are just listening to him. Silence is the absense of noise and a beaut to it, calm, a place that once we keep going there, it becomes a place of no return. Being in the social life or sales or serving people, etc can be harshly a toll breaker on a person. We are the bad guys or gals it seems when we want that alonement. I finally got it after I dreamed my way to it. After having much socialism in my life, much competition, much what all the world has to offer, I finally decided that my fear of living alone in a remote area that you would never had found me doing when I was younger, is my Paradise now and my need to be ALONE and a Retrovert was greater than my need to be with anyone. With so many homes in disharmony this day and time, I found that the answer to it all is simply Silence. But you can not get them to see it is why they babble and do not listen. I would rather listen for it keeps the you centered, grounded, at least for me. I also believe that Introverts are Empath’s, until they have to take much much time, alone and just breath.
Jamman, I applaud you! I too am an Introvert, despite the Locals see me as peculiar, weird, anti sociable, etc. or even a split personality person, if I do choose to go out and mingle, once in a blue moon and can be the life of a party, to resume back home in my solace place, ALONE. I even had questioned my own self until I found this site and saw that what I am, is perfect for me and like minds. You have to deal with neons of personality’s on your job. When you get home, all you want is Quiet or Space. Your zone. Your kids get this for they too have to deal with neons of personality’s and for now it doesn’t bare on them as much. As far as your wife……. in my belief that she is the personalty that does not grasp the need for the Sounds of Silence nor respect it. I get phone calls from people constantly and if I do not answer the phone, they call my landlord and or my family and get in a cycle and I think to myself…..OMG can not you all leave me alone until I call you! People of some natures have a hard time with imagination of Life and boundaries and this is what creates the division. This is my perspective and works for me but may not for others. I am not an exspert, only a happy go lucky Introvert that is thrilled with having pets as my companion and wildlife to heal. Nature teaches alot. For me, Silence is the Medicine of God, good to heal the soul after so much Congestion of Noise. We are appreciators of Less is more and of Life for after all, Silence is Golden. Tranquilty is a must these days! Good Luck! The Mind needs space, else it suffocates and so it is the Introvert will as well. For me, I become frazzeled and withdrawn when suffocated constantly with chatter and compelled to be more alone. I have lost alot of friends due to being a Loner or Introvert, but no one needs friends that are unwilling to accept who you are. Not everyone is a barrier crosser and still has some morals. If the people do not make it too your future, you did not need them. Introverts are very independent minded and need to feel whole and a consistant, kill joy, babbling person sucks the life out of them, how I know. Take Care.
Wow….It’s truly amazing people, in a sad attempt to put a label on themselves, use words incorrectly. First of all, stop with the need to try to make yourself unique or special with labels. Second, if you’re going to ignore the first, at least use words correctly. You are not even close to the true definition of introvert. For that matter, you’re not even unique. Everyone enjoys times alone sometimes. Using your intellect, every person in the world would be an introvert.
Robert, That is your perspective and everything has a name, label, or spirit and who is to say it is not the correct definition? Science? Lamens Terms? Dictionary’s? Psychiatrist? Well that is entirely wrong for in everyting, there is No end of an explanation and everything is unique in it’s own way and to be prescise, it is up to every individual to find their Unique way, for we are All Special. Even Psychiatrist, whe they can not find what is wrong, they create a name for it. When Science can not prove something, then it is not Valid to them, but, we as humans are to be very much applauded for searching for Who or where we belong. Encouragement is wonder, discouragement is not. We use our intellects very well, us Introverts. Life is so much more than being a bummer! Life is creating what we want in it and what we do not and what we can live with or without and only a Strong person would use their intellect to Listen, and Knows that we are Love and Love has no end and Real and sure beats a bummer world. An Introvert enjoys alot of Alone time away from the ones that do not understand, and if they want to be a hermit for a while, perhaps they have their reasons, they will come out when ready. What works for one, may not work for the other but we have that one basic thing in come, Oneness, Alone, to collect ourselves, that is why we are Introverts and Unique and Special and again everyone is Unique and Speical in their own way, and I just love it. Whether it is a state of mind or whatever it is, everyone has to have an identity or people of kindred spirits, it is hope, understanding, soothing, in a world that is very Dogmattic on being Politically Correct. However I am certain you will disagree and that is okay, for We Introverts are Okay with ourselves, it is the ones that are not Okay with us that feel the need to say so. Everything begins with Mind and the mind can be infinite as far as it wants to go or finite. Thank God for the immagination! For without it, we would not be here or alive.
Wow Robert- you seem like a really pleasant person to be around ;p
Thank you. Very interesting and thoughtful analogy … I’ve always loved the fellowship and parties …. After this article I began to doubt and began to notice that sometimes I’m better alone
Being alone and recharging our batteries in peace..is good for anyone, introverts, and extroverts alike. But isnt not good nor healthy to close off totally to our loved ones, to not join in life and live. Extroverts can be homebodies, and love the normal and boring, but want to be together.
People who love you dont want to change you, they accept you for who you are, but its not healthy for anyone to be a hermit. But independence and different interests, shopping alone, or a museum, but sharing your experiences with your partner.
So true…we like to work on OUR schedule!!!
I really liked the way how Robert said it. Being an introvert is all in the state of mind. Let’s just be happy for others and for ourselves of who we are.
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It is not healthy to be introvert all the time. People who are over-friendly also need time to be alone and vice versa. What we need is balance in our lifestyle.
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Introverts need good friends who will encourage them to go out of their shell and be back to normal. Right? I was able to overcome that too.
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Robert: I’m not sure why you think the writer here used the term “introvert” incorrectly, but from a scientific standpoint she used it just fine. Introversion and extroversion is determined in large part by an area of the brain called the reticular formation. This area controls awareness and energy, for lack of a better word. People with highly active reticular formations are introverts; less external stimulation is required to keep the brain entertained, and too much stimulation can exhaust the person. Too, there is a whole range of introversion and extroversion; many people need alone time, the amount of needed alone time will vary.
I have to totally agree with you Ashleigh.
All the best,
Eren
Thank you. Very interesting and thoughtful analogy … I’ve always loved the fellowship and parties ….
I don’t think there is something wrong with being alone sometimes or lets say often? It does not mean that you do not go out with your friends just for the sake of going out and not having fun is something that you should be really be pained for. I like the fact that I have time for myself and me alone.
Thank you so much for writing this. I honestly thought I was the only one and felt like everyone around me was a lot closer just because they all want people around them all the time. I get uncomfortable when I begin to get close to somebody but when I pass that barrier its not problem when they understand I don’t like staying over, nights in (or out). I feel better, its perhaps sad that this made me cry because I am so relieved to feel understood. Thank you.
I So perfectly understand and I too was one that was so misunderstood. I was a very out going person once, the life of the Party so to speak, but could not wait to get alone, a sufferer in silence individual was me. Doctor’s, Psychiatrist, Therapist, Priest, Family, Police, all, thought me as a very perculiar one. Of course, that leaves a heavy stigmata on a some people, that they do not even feel comfortable and botch words and sentences and so forth, tongue tied, embarassed, and always having to answer to people as too why they did not answer the door, phone or stop by. Some pushing dates on me, saying a pretty lady should never be alone and so I would listen and found that the company did not want to go home or wanted me to stay with them and so forth and I would feel absolutely pushed at that point, very pushed and could not again wait to be alone. Researching helps, but can lead you to many avenues and tho it seems comparable to fit into certain groups, the gut feeling always say’s Nah, this don’t feel right either. So then I found this web site and a long time I just read and listened and thought of the pro’s and con’s and that I was not on a Pitty party as some would say, but in search of truth, for the greatest journey in life is finding out who you really are, inside, not outside. Often we are people to please everyone until we find we never did make them happy, so we begin to introspect ourselves. I would cry often as I am sure anyone that has been at this point did, get angry, even a bit nuts at times. Things we enjoyed did not feel the spot either once as it did but we find other things beyond ourselves and then think Wow, I am still strange and aloof and so sad. I lost contact with friends for they always wanted me to go out, lost contact with family for they always wanted to fuss, lost contact with all that was discouraging for as in Introvert, all things are possible and there are solutions to all answers, but for some there is never an answer it seems and I begin to stear clear of that kind of person, to help myself, or else the blind lead the blind into the ditch. I am an author of several books and enjoyed taking the time, delving into mysteries and what if’s and that was priceless for me to be a publisher, yet I love to be aloof and hand out Novela’s to a total stranger for fun and then run! I love people, but I love being Alone, it is a uniqueness to finding like minds. Who is to say that we can not have our own language, imperfect and not politically correct? Or to create or add to who we are as individuals. I do not speak fluent, nor spell great, nor always on track and way off key but isn’t it time for those of us that relish Silence of the Minds as a totem, a natural gift for everything changes and this is a grand opportunity to give ourselves a chance to explore the FACT that until Who Ever you believe in or if One believes in God, or not, that one thing is for sure, we are co creators of our Story and until whatever we believe in to be surpreme comes down and tells us we are wrong, then we keep on keeping on, not when society say’s we are wrong. My heart goes out and encouragement to you and anyone in search of themselves, the Reality of a Real meanning in life, beyond this labrynth of so much doubt in the world to awaken a sound in the silence that steadily can calm us, where there is so much dismal, so much doubt, so much misunderstanding and lack of compassion, a sound of silence that can awaken the sleeping butterfly’s within us all, the true nature of ourselves, rather than the ordinary. After all in the end, only kindness matters, my kindred spirit friend!
Yep so I’m definitely an introvert… I’ve always wished I was extroverted since I know you need connections in life, but truth is I just feel much more “at home” when I’m alone.
I’m an introvert. 100%. Going out has never ever appealed to me-I’m perfectly content to sit alone somewhere with my iPod and a book and my journal and I can sit alone for hours and be content. I love being alone and I just don’t get enough alone time.
Alone time is essential to my well being and health. If I don’t get it I get cranky and go off on people. I’m one of those introverts that never ever gets lonely.
Dude i’m like so glad i found this page. For awhile i always thought that something was wrong with me. I really don’t like going out much or talking to people, always considered by my friends as “anti-social” or “a coyote” i just didn’t get it. when i’m alone i feel like i could do anything..give me a project it’s done as long as i’m working alone. I find myself thinking to myself internally also watching and observing people lol ontop of it all i’m a virgo so i’m so introverted haha. I get easily tired i could be doing nothing and find that i’ve tired myself out mentally with all the thoughts i’ve thought all day. I hate that people won’t just let me be I always feel like i’m being strange because I rarely come out of my comfort zone, people always think i’m so sercretive or aloof. My friends think i don’t like them because, I don’t like expressing myself..I tell them it’s just that I deal with my problems a different way..they still don’t understand me. Sometimes not being so social does have it’s down fall, like whenever I’m talking to people I tend to not “feel” a connection I like i’m being fake and just laughing just to fit it. I love music mostly toro y moi or nujabes type vibes really get to me i feel music is my only connection to this world speaking of the world I adore her. i hate littering. On days when the weathers just right i find myself wishing i could just fly ya know? go live on a cloud and bum it out to some really groovy tunes. My girlfriend is Extroverted so sagittarius (sigh) she’s such a lady but i find myself worried that my “anti-socialism” is getting to her. She’s all lets go do this, that, and the other all at the same time. Always up for meeting new people, in conversations with other people i find it’s usually her that’s saying things and if something does come out of my mouth i feel that much awkward. I find myself getting stuck and having to understand why and she just flows right on. I’m still learning who i am and this page helped alot ya know..i am who i am and that’s alright with me.
good,
I like your saying that introverts are just like laptops, extroverts are like basketballs.
it means extrovert relies on people to have some energy, introverts relies only on their own resources.
I am an intorvert and i am satisfied with my life by spending my life with family and avoiding mess of people..
your post is really nice.
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Thank you. Very interesting and thoughtful analogy
I am an introvert too, I just love being alone and I am satisfied with it.
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I ‘m glad I found this site too. On the rare occasions when my wonderful boyfriend goes home, and the kids go out, I am alone without the TV on, in my head I’m saying YES YES YES!!!
I have always been uncomfortable around people who chatter with the words just falling naturally out of their mouths so easily. Sometimes I can do that with a certain person, usually one on one who I can connect with. I avoid parties and group events, even tho I wish I could go and be comfortable. Luckily, now that I’m older and aware of how I am, I can allow myself to embrace the introvert in me!
I wish I could have changed all those years of feeling inadequate…
I work alone as a a designer / draftsman, I have a wonderful, creative career and still, I must muster up enough courage to present and sell my ideas to clients. My dog rides with me (she is an introvert too! ) and after a meeting, we stop at a trailhead and go for a hike … Yes, to recharge!! Then I can carry on.
Thanks for reading!
Thank-You for sharing your great comments. It wasn’t until just recently that I realized I am an introvert, which explains partly the “weirdness”. In American culture, people are expected to be extroverted. In fact, extroversion is such a social norm in the U.S. that introverts are quite often dubbed as strange, aloof, too quiet, anti-social, backed into a shell, observing from a perch, and what else have I heard??? Yes, I enjoy being alone, but I also love to be around people that I trust. My friends are few at the moment, but they are close and carefully chosen. Over the years, I have known many great people and had wonderful friends, but the energy only rebounds during those precious alone times. Real friends, great friends, understand this! Have a blessed day.
Most people saying being alone is a bad thing are probably extroverts. Just because it doesnt make sense or seem foreign to you doesnt mean it seems completely normal to an inrovert.. Everyones mind is slightly different.. Everyone thinks what they do makes sense to them.. I dont understand why ppl feel the need to argue over things.. Thats a reason I like to be alone. Cant ppl understand that everyone they meet is not going to be like them.. For christ sake we aee minisculw compaeed to the rest of the universe
I am a introverted person first of all, sorry if my English is sucks or some of my grammar is wrong i just want to express myself.
I am a introverted person I hate crowds, i hate people that are noisy, I hate people who are not letting me alone, I hate people who always letting me ashamed, i hate people who always forced me to express myself, i hate people who always forced me to be a extravert or friendly person sometimes i am nervous when i talking to somebody, at home i am a little bit extravert but in school and in my friends i am a introverted some of my classmates always encouraged me to be friendly at school, i am very quiet some of my classmates will sarcastic jokingly talk to me and give me a pet name of “hey noisy girl” but it is fine when some times our teacher ask us to make a bookmark to our friend sometimes i received one or two bookmark not so many while my other classmates received many bookmarks i am the only one who received two bookmarks sometimes in my classroom majority of my classmates are extraverts they are noisy and easily bored when nobody talks to them and in my society too majority are extraverts because in my country the majority of people are friendly by the way i am from Philippines sometimes my classmates look down on me because i am a introvert person sometimes I experience discrimination but it is fine to me but I like to express myself in drawings sometimes if I am lonely I draw weird pictures and when I am happy i draw lonely people I don’t know why but that is the way how I express myself often I express myself in making a short story about me but in a different character but same personality and I finish my novel I spend my time alone in making some novels, drawings, and sometimes imaginary character. and I am not trying to be a arrogant here but i am a kind person and I am so very polite that’s why some other people always think I am weird because i am very polite but being a very polite here is weird for majority i don’t know why i enjoy my time for being alone, i feel more comfortable, i speak up only if they need me to speak up or when recitation and when i find this sites i am totally comfortable because when i am with some introverts like me i feel comfortable he-he that’s all thanks for your time
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I’ve read many of the postings from people stating they’ve discovered they are introverts based on the story. I agree with much of the article, but don’t consider myself an introvert or extrovert. So then where do I fit in? I love my alone time, and most people exasperate (sp) me. Mostly, I don’t want the hassle of being “on” around other people. But I also love having parties, having friends around and game nights, sometimes. My problem is that most relationships I’m in are very superficial. That’s great for a game night with friends, but it doesn’t work well in my home life. I’ve been married 27 years and I’ve always fought an internal battle. I’d like my closest relationships (my husband and kids) to be substantial. But I don’t think introverted people can have the same definition of a substantial relationship. Whereas I think my family is too distant, my family thinks I’m too clingy. How do we make a compromise that works under those circumstances?
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