Introverted student often at loose ends on weekends
I used to be extremely introverted but then I went to boarding school. I am doing much better socially, but I count on structure too much and can’t create my own social opportunities. I have plenty of social opportunities during the week already, but on the weekends it’s really hard and I have no idea what to do and I get so depressed. I’ve signed up for events, but if none of my friends are going everyone goes off in their own groups and I’m stuck by myself. Everyone usually stays on campus, so I can’t really make plans to go with someone. And since everyone else is socializing, they’re out of their rooms and I don’t know where they are. And since people are around each other 24/7, no one makes plans to just hang out days before hand. I would really appreciate some detailed advice. I’d appreciate anything.
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Hey!
So this is my first comment on here, just thought I’d at least say hi to you and I understand how you feel. When I start feeling sorry for myself on the weekends, I find that if I just do my down-time stuff (read, write, draw, cruise the interwebs) I get back to where I realize that I don’t need to focus on socializing to be happy. I tend to get so caught up in the social cycle during the week that when the weekend comes and I don’t have to be around anyone, I think there’s something wrong, something missing. But that might not be the case.
Long story short – embrace the down time. Things tend to fall in place that way.
I agree with Tina. I am required to be social during the week, so the weekends I prefer to have to myself. I have many hobbies, like yoga, cooking, and sewing, so I save these things for the weekends. In fact, I resent sometimes the amount of time I have to be with people during the week, as I would rather be home. And I do lots of activities by myself, like going out to eat or to a movie. When you do something really cool and then talk it up afterward, people want to spend time with you. I don’t usually let them, though.
I had the same problem my first year of college. I was so concerned about having a lot of friends, experiencing the typical college life, etc. Why wasn’t I invited out anywhere? I had friends but they seemed to “forget” about me when they were hanging out all the time. I wasn’t involved in any structured clubs, partially because I couldn’t find anyone to go with me. I was alone A LOT.
The truth is, it’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to go out and do things alone. Whenever I did invite friends out anywhere, they usually cancelled last minute or were only interested in drinking/getting f’ed up/typical college BS. So I learned to ignore the conformist voice in my head telling me what I *should* be doing. I pursued activities on the weekend that I was interested in or ran errands. I went to art galleries, museums, shopped, took long walks, saw movies, read in parks/coffee shops, etc.
Find some things you’re passionate about and go experience them! Stop worrying about what other people are doing, or the “friends” you should be with 24/7. It’s not worth trying to change yourself over.
You could find like-minded friends who share the same interests. You could take the initiative first. Try planning and calling these friends A WEEK in advance to see if they would like to go to a movie/dessert/special event/shopping/recreational activity/art gallery/etc. together.
I know you mentioned it’s not the norm for people to plan ahead, but with your situation with not living on campus, you might want to try. If that doesn’t work, I would suggest joining a club, a sport, volunteering or a fun class, taking place on the weekends, where you could meet new friends. From my personal experience, I’ve met lots of great friends from all of these places. Keep trying!
I think the reason behind this is because they have very few friends to mingle with and they are finding something new to do every weekend.
@Lindxi, I am cent percent agreed with you!
Regards,
Margarate
All About London
I’m kind of in the same boat. I’m a junior in college and during my freshman and sophomore years, I did things with my friends quite a bit since we all lived pretty close to each other in the dorms. Now we’re kind of spread out around campus and our schedules are all different, and I find myself getting a little lonely sometimes because my friends don’t really invite me to do things with them as much as they did in the past. We go to brunch on weekends occasionally and if I run into them at lunch or dinner (or if they run into me) we’ll sit and eat together, but whenever I ask if they want to do something, they’re usually busy. I’m more of a planner when it comes to events, but they’re a bit more spontaneous than me. I don’t get the sense that they’re being malicious and excluding me on purpose, but even though I’m not as social, I still need to have fun with people every now and again.
I’d say keep trying to plan events with them, but also try to find a club or activity that you can get involved in; that’s a great way to meet people without having to be extra social and outgoing and spontaneous. The events you plan don’t have to be anything big; try to see if you can plan dinner or dessert or a movie. But at the same time, don’t feel pressured to hang out with people if it’s not “you.” If you like to be alone and do solitary things, that’s fine. But I understand what it’s like to feel a little lonely if you feel like you haven’t seen your friends for awhile. Even introverts need to be social sometimes
For me? I love to be alone on weekends. I guess i just want to relax my mind. =)
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Well the best idea is to plan ahead of time. Maybe call up one of your friends and ask if they want to sleep over or go to the mall on the weekend. See if there is a cool movie so everyone can go watch it together. Find a nice restaurant that you might want to go to. That way when you call up your friend you already have something interesting to talk about.
Hope this helps.
All the best,
Eren
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I think you need a hobby
I think introverts just need a little push coming from theirselves to socialize. The more they think they are lonely the more they tend to be aloof.
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Have you ever turned down an invitation? People tend to never invite you again if you turn down an invitation, so sometimes it’s best to suck it up and go if you’re invited somewhere with someone for the first time and you’d really rather not. Another thing to keep in mind is how you can also invite them. It’s easy to feel rejected but if someone isn’t calling but when you’re not calling them either, it goes both ways.
I agree with Garrett, you need a hobby, do an activity that you feel fine, and you know you can do well. Swimming, chess, reading group, anything that can be done in a group will be useful for you. good luck
try to live with people who are like you, who has the same habits, same tastes. I’m sure you will find a nice group and be happy.
I think you should hang out to those people with different kind of habit and interest so you can know were you should be with.
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There is nothing wrong with going out alone on a party. It can be an opportunity to meet new friends.
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I think the best thing to do is to find out what events are going to be on weekends, and even if you don’t have any friends to go with you should go by yourself and to try mingle while you’re there. The most important thing is a right attitude, a charming smile and a desire to socialize. And if you are going to do that, i’m sure that many opportunities will come along.
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Once I got an altercation with my son. I find it so weird for him to stay at home when friends and neighbors are always busy on Friday night and weekend, I just him to be like them until He told me, he was not sorry for what he is doing, he enjoy staying at home and read books, and he doesn’t care if other will call him an introvert or a nerdy. He just love staying at home reading books or play around with his cousins so, I might as well be happy than worry staying up late to wait for a drunken son.
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I guess you have to make the most out of your weekend. If by chance that you are don’t have friends to share the weekend with then try to unwind and reflect all by yourself. I bet it is really therapeutic.
@raizhas You should be happy, seems like his interest is else where, I would not force him to be something he does not want to be. People often undervalue introverts, and don’t know how much they lose in doing so, it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society, from van Gogh’s to the invention of the personal computer.
I don’t think so, on the first place introvert people loves to be left alone so there is no reason for them to be at loose ends. They always find time to enjoy with themselves.
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You may want to take on some regular weekend activities, a class of some kind, something you are interested in, from self-defense or Spanish through cooking or manicure making.
Also, you can go coffe shops, libraries, sit and read in a park, who knows, you might even meet some like-minded people in the meantime. Good luck!!
I think if you think of a thing that you can only do by yourself will be very useful and helpful for you to also have time for yourself and not just spend every minute with your friends when you want to overcome your being introvert.
I think even an introvert can always find a friend (or friends). When this happens, the problem will be solved by themselves.
I love to be alone on weekends. ^^
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I like to be alone but you can try to live with people who are like you ^^
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There are times that I want to be alone but I can’t say that I am an introvert. Maybe they just need sometime to mingle with other people. Little by little, they will learn how to socialize and eventually, shyness towards other people will fade.
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An Introvert is not by him or herself all the time; they are surrounded with lots of thoughts which might be future tools for them.
It’s good to discover your inner thoughts.
So be introvert sometime
I agree with some of the earlier posts. you can make a friends who are your type, in otherwords on same wave length….maybe you dont go out with some of the friends on the campus, thats OK, explore, go alone to parties and meet new poeple or at least scout out new friends. You will find one ! Good luck.
If you are shy, try to find people with same plans, who enjoys the same things you like to do
how about attending yoga classes?
this is what i thought i should have done before while i was young.
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I was in the same boat as you when I’m on my freshman year. Everybody has their own plans while I’m just stuck in my room for the whole day. And to get rid of my “forever-alone-phase” I just grab my laptop. Talk to my high school friends on facebook, write articles on my blog. This routine went through out the whole year. Good thing though, I joined a club and I met new friends there and we usually hang out everyday.
Hi! Why don’t you try to be more approachable or other wise? Maybe you are too silent in your class that your classmates are having the thoughts that you are a snob person. If you are getting bored on the weekends try to go to the mall with you cousins perhaps. Or look for some hobbies that can makes you more active.
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One important thing to remeber is that there is nothing wrong with what you are doing!
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sometimes i like to be alone on weekends doing nothing. i call it my lazy day.
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Fantastic post, Maybe you are too silent in your class that your classmates are having the thoughts that you are a snob person. Thanks for the sharing.
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If somebody decides I’m a snob without ever hearing me talk, they are the ones being snobbish, no? Forget ‘em.
There’s nothing wrong with being alone on the weekend. Absolutely not. In fact, I sometimes work on the weekend, freeing up some time to relax during the week. Sometimes I have to work on the weekend, so I do it leisurely. If you’re looking for a social life, though, I’m not the best person to talk to. I decided to embrace solitude and focus on myself for the time being, and I love it. It has brought me tremendous growth.
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How about finding something to do at your dorm even if its weekend. There are actually a lot of things to do even if you’re not with your friends. You can hang out all by yourself like visiting your family, going out on malls, shopping, playing in the arcade even if you are alone. You can also clean your things at the dorm if you want. Don’t be so stressed out because you are alone during weekends, it is better to dedicate atleast a day for yourself only.
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