Introverted student needs advice about dorming!

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Hi, I have to decide on both my college and whether or not to dorm by the end of this month. I’ll most likely go to a college that’s nearby so I can commute. I’d like to live at home to have more space and privacy to myself.

But then again I hear it’s easier to make friends and to meet people if you dorm. Considering that I’m not that good at putting myself out there and making new friends, maybe dorming would help me make new connections. Also apparently going off to college (aka moving away) is supposed to make you more independent.

On other hand, I dread the thought of dorming and college in general, and I feel like I’d be miserable. Maybe if I got a single room it’d be ok but there’s no guarantee. I think that maybe it’s better not to force myself to suddenly jump into such a big change. Just going to a new school and adjusting to college is already a step for me.

I read some of the articles about dorming on IZ already but I’d still like to ask for your advice.
If you commuted or dormed, do you regret it or do you think it was the right choice?
How do you know if you’re going at your own pace or simply letting your fears limit you?
If you dormed, was that what you needed to make new friends, or did it just make you unhappy?

Thank you for your help.

Photo credit: Tostie14

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28 Comments

  1. Live in a dorm! It’s almost impossible to make friends otherwise, ESPECIALLY as an introvert. And dorm life is such a quintessential, ridiculous, memorable part of college life. Sometimes you end up with a rotten roommate but for most people it works out just fine, and sometimes even amazing (my freshman year roommate ended up being my best friend!). Even in worst case scenario, you can switch rooms, and life will go on. In my opinion — as an introverted only child — it’s an important growth experience and worth trying for one school year. But it’s all about attitude: it’s fine to be nervous (I sure was!) but if you decide you’re going to be miserable, you will be. If you treat it as an adventure, it will be an adventure.

  2. It’s really tough to be an introvert. And dealing with introvert child is like eating iron nuts. My daughter is introvert. I am trying my level best to bring her out from the misery is going through. Hope God will listen to my prayers. 🙁 I think you should come out of this and be strong. Making new friends will really help. 🙂
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  3. When I transferred to a 4 year school, it was a small private college. I had a roommate the first year and I wrote to her (this was 1995 and believe it or not, people didn’t use e-mail too often, so I actually wrote real letters) as soon as I found out we were going to be roommates which helped. I wasn’t as introverted then as I am now. I have to admit that having a roommate and living in a suite with other transfers that first year did help me because those were my friends the time I was there. After the first year, I had my own room the rest of the time. However, if I had attended a large university with really tiny rooms, there is no way I would have chosen to live with a roommate. I need my space. I would look at the dorm rooms first and go from there to make a decision. You can always try it and if you end up miserable or with a terrible roommate, you can change it. Nothing is permanent.

  4. I’d actually avoid it like the plague! I went over the deep end when I had to stay with other people (shared university housing, not even a dorm). Just seeing near-strangers first thing in the morning and at night— shudder. And of course I did want to be friends but because I just COULDN’T participate socially as often as they thought fit, it made me a bit of an outcast. I actually trace my former alcoholism to that time.

  5. Maybe this is the step that you need to take to get out from your comfort zone. Do not look at this change in dark shades because it might surprise you in a good way if you want this think. Going to college is supposed to be a good thing, you should embrace the idea of sharing the room with others and if you do it, eventually you will meet new people that can become you new best friends. You have to overcome your fears and not all the people are scary and mean, some people are really nice and i’m sure that they will be very pleased to know the real you. Good luck , everything is going to be alright!

  6. If you are dorming, you will always find new friends and there will be some introverts in there as well. So don’t worry and be yourself, you can manage very well.

    Thanks for sharing.
    -Jerome
    Jerome Key´s last post ..how to seduce a woman

    • You are right. I knew that. At college, I thought I couldn’t find a friend in our dorm but at the end of the semester all my dorm mates became my friends. All real friends!
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  7. There is a certain camaraderie that forms among people who dorm together. I dormed for a while in college and my classmates were also my dorm mates. It was nice experience. But it will really depend on the type of people you will dorm with. If you’re lucky, you may have introverts for dorm mates too or even extroverts who know how to respect your need for solitude.

    I suggest to look and see first or even meet potential dorm mates before committing.
    Hope this helps.
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  8. I dormed several years–terrible experience. First roommate would lock my out while she and boyfriend did their thing, so where do you go when this is home and you can’t get in most of the night. Next one could handle no noise at all, even pages turning or pen scritching across the page so I always had to go to the library to study and it closed at 8. I did most of my studying in the stairwell. Next roommate, no lie, was a hooker and would bring her ‘dates’ home to our room. She was always high/drunk. The last one actually sold drugs out our window like a drive-in. My parents would say take care of it myself and the dean of students told me to get a boyfriend of my own………I dropped out. If you have a good support system and can change your mind, go ahead and try it. My sister roomed with a friend from home, worked out well for them.

  9. Personally I regret not having dormed for at least the first year of college. I got along with my classmates but didn’t make lasting friendships in college. My daughter on the other hand (she leans toward the introvert side) dormed her first two years and was glad she did. She made many friends and it helped her figure out early how to succeed as an introvert in such a busy environment.

    I would also recommend the book Introvert Power by Helgoe. I have recently read it and I think it would be of great benefit for any introvert. It’s validating and offers wonderful advise on how to make your way in the world as an introvert.

  10. You don’t need to be affraid for this change, I think many students are of the same thinking. When we first start our college life most of us have same feelings and dorming is a good option to make yourself more confident and it helps you in taking you out of your comfortzone.
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  11. Honestly, it’s all a matter of luck. People can tell you to avoid or to absolutely choose a dorm. But you will not know until you are given a roommate. I’m an introvert and I do not mind a lack of space. Heck, I could live in a closet if I had a laptop. It depends who you are whether you will enjoy the dorm life. Even if you find your roommate to be distasteful, most colleges have the option of changing rooms within a specific time period. What I can tell you is that if you wish to take the chance of receiving a kindhearted roommate, then take that chance. For we introverts absolutely relish in relationships that are close, and with a roommate, friendships are pretty easy to form since you are around them all the time…

  12. my first experience with dormitory was good. I had many friends. It was fun. I enjoyed the company and most of them always go back to their homes every weekend so i had my time alone.

    but in my recent dormitory, i don’t like my new roommates.

    it would depend on you and your roommates.

  13. If you do get stuck with a truly obnoxious roommate there are ways to survive without going nuts. Spend time studying at the library, hang out in a cozy coffee shop. Have your “me time” in your dorm room scheduled when the roommate is in class. That way you are sure to get some down time. Good luck.

  14. In my opinion, she should not fret a lot on dorming. Like in any place, we will find people that we will get along with.

    To be honest, dorming is a good idea for if you see a person almost everyday, some feelings of intimacy will surely develop.
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  15. For sure you are still doubting what you are going to decide right now. Being an introvert is really hard to be with other people. However, you must need to be strong and get out to your cage for you to discover more. Mind you, it is really beautiful to discover everything around you. I know you are hesitant to do it but nothing will loss on you when you try to dorm near in your university. Whatever your decision is, I know it is right for you. Good luck on your college years.
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