Dear Introvert Zone,
I an just about at my wits end…
I am an extrovert, though I have some pretty introverted tendencies. The man I started dating 3.5 months ago is an introvert…. so I guess you already know why I’m writing this.
I am SO confused, really it’s to the point it has moved me to tears; this guy is great, amazingly great I have known him for 20 years and we just recently sort of started dating. I guess were dating… not like he’d ever say anything to that effect… he has me around often, we have sex when he doesn’t just want to cuddle quietly… he tells me “you’re lovely” or “you’re sweet” about 10 times a day, though he is usually very formal with me; he always addresses me by name, which you wouldn’t think would be a big deal right? but IT IS! its weird!
I knew I was falling for this guy, nearly immediately; he truly is a good catch… about 2 months in we had the “introvert talk” because I was feeling insecure. he was very upfront, and matter of fact about everything (which i did my best to understand) it’s just this guy is UNemotional… ALL THE TIME. he shows my dog more of his soft side than he shows me…
I have tried and tried to be conscious of my extroverted side and not be too in his face… sometimes I even bite my lips to keep myself from blabbering too much.
I’m compromising as best I can, but it seems to me that he isn’t making the same efforts.
last night was like a kick in the gut. he’d been gone for more than a week to a work conference… though I tried not to, I found myself getting very excited anticipating his arrival. he “permitted me” to pick him up from the airport. I got lost on the way to the airport and in the airport parking garage… I panicked that I would miss him coming from the gate, I ran as fast as I could to make it. he wasn’t there. I recieved a text from him saying he was at a different one… so I took off running again– the anticipation by this point was killing me– I turned a corner ( and though I wasn’t wearing my glasses, I could make out his red hair) my smile was huge, as I nearly tripped into his arms.
he laughed, gave me a half hug, addressed me by my full name and motioned to the escalator.
W. T. F.???
I sucked it up, and walked to the car with him, the whole way home in his adorable awkwardness he told me story, after story of his trip.
when we arrived he gave me a kiss and said he’d talk to me soon, I think he could sense (amazingly) that he kind of hurt my feelings, so he said maybe tomorrow??
I shuffled home after dropping off the car and noted he had left me his obligatory good night message.
which, as usual, just said sleep sweetly.
I ignored it.
he wrote me his usual formal good morning text as well… I did end up responding to that… but I tried to echo his formality as much as possible.
what the hell am I supposed to do here?
I don’t understand this?
I don’t mind taking it slow, but this is getting crazy!
it’s as if I’m not even there.
is this how it’s going to be?? I finally meet a man who lives a parallel life to mine, enjoys everything I do, is handsome, and sweet… but who just doesn’t show me any kind of interest whatsoever?
I’ve met two of his friend once (they are a couple), there are also awkward and quiet… and the only reason I had the opportunity to meet them was because the were moving very soon, and I thought it would be nice to see if theyd like to come and have me cook for them for thanksgiving so the could have a nice dinner together… otherwise, he has kept me from any social situation as if I have the plauge.
this sucks! what I find super frustrating as well it that I’ve seen pictures…. hundreds of pictures… where he is smiling, being silly, laughing and carrying on with friends or an old girlfriend… I try not to compare myself… but it’s hard, what’s wrong with me?
truly nothing, I know. I am a perfect girlfriend, I pride myself on saying that too. I am very, very pretty, sexual, well put together, funny, insanely thoughtful, nurturing… every boyfriend I’ve had in the past remains a friend to this day, and most of my relationships have dissolved due to crazy schedules, distance etc.
I am well-versed in “players” this guy is, without a shadow of a doubt, not a player.
please, PLEASE give me some insight into how to better handle/deal with this situation.
i joke with him all the time that he needs to take it easy on me, because I only have my introvert training wheels on…. well I think one has fallen off, and I’m about to bite the dust…
Photo credit: marc falardeau