Introvert with social phobia is sad that she’s missing out


Dear Introvert Zone,

I have a bigger problem than just being introverted, I suffer from a moderate social phobia as well. And to top it all I have a learning disability. This has caused me to become isolated. And at 52 years I still live with my mother, which drives me up the wall. For she suffers from social phobia and relies on me to help her. I have no friends and never ever dated in my life. I see others with partners and feel so left out. A couple of years ago I managed to go to my cousins daughters wedding, It made me feel so sad that she had found someone and here I was an old woman with no body to love or be loved.

Lonely heart at 52

Photo credit: J D Hancock



    • I agree.. It is never too late.. You just need to take & make a move! Don’t try too hard, just simply TRY, i am sure you will have some one that will try to take good care of you for the rest of your lives. You need to take care of your mother too.. as she is getting old. But you need to have someone for your old age too..
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  1. Oh darling, I’m so sorry. I really feel for you.

    I’m no genius, but here’s what I did.

    Find an online community based around something you’re interested in – forums and wikis are especially good for this, because they allow you to work together creatively and have shared experiences online, which are really good foundations for a friendship.

    Hang out there, get involved, and start getting to know people. If you’re really in a bad place right now, that itself might fulfil your friendship needs for a good while. The best thing is, it’s completely optional – you choose when you interact with them, and if you decide you want out, you just don’t come back! A social phobic’s heaven.

    When and if you decide you want more, you might think about organising a meetup. Maybe you’ll have made a friend you’re curious about getting to know in real life. Maybe you’ll even have a romantic interest. You can meet up in groups, or with individual people (though take the usual precautions regarding that). Meeting up with all these people you’ve only ever known as a username might be an idea you’re nervous about, but be strong! Many of the people you meet online will be introverts too, and probably feel just the same way.

    To this day, the friends I’ve met online are the only people I truly feel like I have something in common with. They’re my IRL friends now, and I know we’ll always be there for me – so long as I can wait a day or two until they feel like talking… šŸ˜‰

  2. I think realizing the cause of your misery is the first step to get out of that situation. Don’t worry about your age, it doesn’t matter that much in socializing with people. The first thing you need to do is to open yourself to the fact that you can gain friends through different channels – internet, local community, etc. Aside from joining online communities, why not join groups in your local area? Going to the gym, for example, is a very effective way to meet new people. Just be more positive in life. šŸ™‚

  3. It’s not too late for her to mingle with other people. She should start in her neighborhood. I was thinking what would happen to her if she keeps on hiding herself inside her house. What if her mother will pass away? Who will take care of her? She’s not getting any younger, it’s time for her to see the reality of the world she’s in. She should think of herself. Is she’s happy on what she’s doing to herself.
    Benson RiveraĀ“s last post ..Thinking of bringing an Asian Arowana home?

  4. Isolation and feeling as though you are distanced from society as a whole really does suck. I know this all too well. But what I do know is that you must take steps, no matter how small, in order to integrate with society and others if you want to make your situation better.

    For example, try to go walking somewhere where others are doing there exercise outdoors. If it’s a large park or something like that then logically you should know that most people aren’t paying attention to your every move and you might feel a little more part of what’s going on. Anyhow, all I know is that taking small steps worked for me. I hope the best for you.

  5. don’t be discouraged! There is still hope….remember that. The media era is great to socialize and meet ppl. Join a chat room like this one and you;ll be surprised at what you will find. True story. A friend of mine felt isolated and alone several year ago because nobody understood her but than she went online and meant this community of ppl who are like her. Suddenly she’s has ppl who love and except her for who she is.

    Its going to take time to get over this phobia, but take baby steps and you will be fine. Remember: What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

  6. Just hang in there. I know what you are going through because my current situation is similar. I recently turned 38 and like yourself I have no friends and my first date just happened back in May. I made a commitment back in January that by December this year I would have friendship/companionship but it did not happen. But the internet is very helpful finding social groups. I am a member of and
    Also write your feelings into a journal or notebook and take one day at a time. This really helps me. Lets stay in touch.

  7. Lonely heart, I feel sad that you are not able to experience more things in life. But I believe that all of us have a choice and it’s never too late to change. Take a proactive stand and do something about your situation. I hope you find enough courage to come out of your shell and explore life. Good luck!

  8. Dont be sad about it! You must be more happy))Un our country i mean Ukraine its only chanse dont loose our brain///only be happy)
    p.s. Sorry for mistakes I am sitizen of Ukraine)

  9. You’re not an old woman yet, not for 13 more years, legally. Live it up with the time you have! Get therapy. You have to stop living for your mother, and start living for yourself. Do something daring, join a dating website or eat in a restaurant. Life’s too short to live it behind closed doors.

    My Aunt got married at 57, with a man she met when she was 55. There’s always hope. Work hard on it!

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