A reader sent in this request for advice. As an introvert, he naturally does a lot of thinking about everything, but the excessive reflection and analysis going on in his head during and after conversations is causing him to be very unhappy and to react to others in a negative way.
I am a guy from Chicago.
I think the sole reason of all my problems is only one-: thinking way tooo much!! I know its rather a common trait of an introvert to ponder more over each issue
its outcomes ,thinking before doing even a silly chore and most thinking is involved when we try to judge other people’s mind or their ideology over something we might have told them.This is the greatest problem I face while conversation.
I dont know whether its sort of inferiority complex that I ponder too much before saying anything to a person so that its not offensive to him and I try to copy someone else’s personality(not wrong to guess I think most of the people have better personality than me and I am born blank).In one to one conversation,even having said something completely normal, afterwards I think what if he extracted this or that bad meaning from my completely straight talk.In what you can say is a round table conversation(imagine 8-10 friends eating on a dining table) its way worse.I completely try to keep myself away from being”central point” or “theme” of conversation but eventually someone would say something about me(mostly low intensity teasers never something good) and believe me friends at that time I think why this asker guy was ever born on this planet.I would defend me in a polite manner that I am not attacking the asker too.suddenly someone else will point out something else in support of earlier guy’s arguement and whoa!!!! everyone is now talking about me (mostly giggling trust me I am now used to see others giggling as piercing thinking its something about me)obviously I cant answer all of them and their loud voices and giggling(this is most painful) seems like colossal of hell.
Every statement hurts and shakes me to the core.this results in my meltdown!I end up saying something like @#$% you ****** *** and leave that place. now I am physically somewhere else but mentally there only.hours and hours over thinking what I have done why this always happens to me , am I mad ..what others would think about me and so on.This happens too frequently.I think my lack of confidence and mostly inability to hear even slightest criticism is responsible for this more than others’ harshness.
How to not take something told by others seriously?how to just be myself? how to think less and be indifferent?how to be more confident and have self esteem? these big how to’s if properly answered can probably change my life.so guys please help me if you can!!
Photo credit: Giuseppe Bognanni