Help a nice guy with his relationship with an introvert

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Hi all,
I would describe myself as a mixture of intro/extrovert my girlfriend describes herself as introvert
This is the first time Ive ever done anything like this but need help
I’d really appreciate your advice on a few things.
I have the most amazing, beautiful, funny girlfriend anyone could hope for, thats how I feel and know for the majority of the time.
However there are a few things that just down right confuse me and makes me think that things arent all they seem.

When we’re together I feel so loved, so cared for and the most important thing to her, as I feel a loving relationship should be and exactly what she is to me, weve discussed things in our future, her meeting my children, us marrying one day, setting up home together, places we’ll visit, I want it all with her and sometimes she says that its the same for her. She comes to a partners group for my support group, she helps me looking for new jobs and a new home.
All sounds great so far eh? thats the thing when its good its amazing, when things arent that way its devistating and so uncertain. She knows everything about me, warts n all, there’s a lot of really bad things and I wanted to be totally open and honest with her as I knew very early on that it was getting very serious and I wanted her to be fully aware of what she was getting into before she fell to far. When it comes to knowing about her and what she’s been though I’m pretty much in the dark, she says that I shouldnt take offence or take it personally but its bloody hard not to.
She’s had things in the past that have caused her problems, she’s allouded to that with me but is unwilling to tell me anymore.She says its because its because she’s an introvert, but she speaks to her friends about things and loves an online blog.
Is it just me she doesnt want to talk to and share things with, or am i being paranoid???

The other bit of advice I wanted is linked. like I said the majority of the time when we’re together all of my needs are met, when we’re apart it does make me feel a little out of sight out of mind, I rarly hear from her and feel I cant call her as its me ‘suffolcating her’. I know I am very full on and very needy with her but I have improved on things, and start counselling next week from her suggestion, I am totally dedicated to making myself the best for her and to make her proud to be with me.

I dont want to make her feel that she doesnt want to be with me, but I also dont want to feel like crap either, whenever I get the courage to speak to her about it I put it in writing so that I can makesure what Im trying to say comes accross in the right way and it often gets ignored, no reply at all, it really hurts, I open up myself to this when I try to talk to her about things and often i read back certain things that i write and they really nice things to hear that someone feels about you, but still I dont get a response and the next time I hear from her it gets ignored and the subject changed, she said to me once when i pulled her up on it that she doesnt like doing deep by text or email, i get that, so I try to avoid doping it as much as possible, but at least aknowlege what ive said when I do and say we’ll talk about when were next together? but that doesnt happen, i dont hear that from her, just ignored and never mentioned again, together or apart.

The final thing is this, much of the times she instigates and dictates when we see eachother, I am really happy with this as it means that I cant go over the top and outstay my welcome (as Id see her 24/7 if I could), however, weve had a few issues recently and she’s said she needs some time apart and on her own, thats fine as I want her to be happy, but I am confused as she’s been saying she cant get enough of me and wants to be with me as much as possible and I honestly have left it up to her to say as and when we see eachother, but I feel the blame has been put on me that we are together too much. I’m getting such mixed signals.

Please help, is this all in my head, am I being too needy, is she confused as to how she feels about me? am I worryiong over nothing?

Please be honest and brutally frank as I really do adore her and want to spend my life with her, so need to know what to do to make her happy

Thank you for listening to my mad ramblings. Dave

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6 Comments

  1. As an introvert, I can personally attest to having a hard time with people who are “needy”. People who are close to me must understand and be ok with me spending time alone. I find that the needy ones often admit up front that they are ok with it, but it’s often just lip service. They eventually break down and get upset with me for not giving in to their pressure for frequent attention.

    A healthy introvert has strong, thick boundaries. They are hard to penetrate. People who don’t respect my boundaries, no matter how much I love them, will eventually get shut out. I would rather love someone from afar than feel smothered and drained of energy.

    Perhaps your girlfriend is dictating when you see each other as a way of enforcing some boundaries? You ask “Am I being too needy, or is she just confused about how she feels?” Honestly, it could be a bit of both.

    Try to remember that it’s not your job to make anyone happy but yourself. Also understand that introverts tend to be quite content when they’re alone. It’s how we replenish our energy. Any time you cross her boundaries to seek acknowledgment through emails and phone calls – however short they may be – she may feel like you are sapping her mental and emotional energy.

    Good communication is key in any relationship. Keep working at it. But give her the time and space to process what you’ve said to her. We introverts like to think on things for a while before we respond. Don’t be afraid to follow up with her though! She may not feel comfortable breaking the ice. Help her feel safe and don’t pressure her too much. Trust will grow over time and she will grow more comfortable opening up to you. I wish you the best!
    Teri´s last post ..Who Needs A Calendar To Celebrate Life?

  2. As an introvert I always used to have complications in my relationships, fortunately I’ve found my husband who can handle me and leave me alone if he sees I need that. I feel so lucky with him!
    Sabine´s last post ..Fettabsaugen

  3. it seems to me like you’re incompatible. At first i thought that you just needed to give her time and that eventually she’ll open up to you like you have with her but then i read on and she ignores you too? It feels like you try to express your issues and pour it out to her but she doesn’t take action, right? I feel like the more you try to get your point across the more she’s gonna resist and take it as you being clingy/needy. Sadly i just don’t think you’re compatible. You could try giving her some more space and let her come to you instead of always being the one going to her for emotional support. But honestly for how long are you willing to do that? It’s up to you at this point. I know what i’m saying is harsh but i just don’t see how i could be with someone who ignores me and doesn’t take action when i pour my heart out.

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