Introvert needs advice on letting others in and enjoying her life


Dear IntrovertZone,

I’m Holly, a 18 year old student in New Mexico. (I just found this website and I was completely shocked at how helpful everything is!)

I just read your “The Introvert in High School” article and you had a lot of very good points. I have two main questions that I really NEED answered.

“I remember feeling an almost physical pain in the warm sunshine of springtime, almost as if I’d suffered a loss, when really the issue was just that I felt as if I were missing life, missing out on everything.” This sentence perfectly describes what I’m feeling. How in the world did you resolve it? I know the next sentence, “This sort of feeling definitely got resolved over time, as I learned to relax and let people who liked and appreciated me into my life.”, sort of describes how to resolve the feeling but I need more of a step-by-step plan and advice. I’ve had the same boyfriend for three years now and I still haven’t let him in. It’s really starting to bug him and that worries me. The issue is that I really don’t know how to let people in! Please, help me. I really don’t want mess up my relationship with him because of this.

Photo credit: Lizard10979



  1. We introverts have to balance between letting people in vs. making sure we have enough “down time” and freedom to recharge. If make it our top priority to preserve our independence and solitude, then we may find ourselves feeling a painful loneliness when a weekend rolls around and we see and hear everyone else out there having fun with their friends and family. But if we make an effort to let others in, maybe trying to stretch our comfort zones a bit, we may enjoy the immediate results – or we may find ourselves with more occasions when we have invitations to things we don’t care about and wish we could just go home. In a perfect world, we could let others into our lives and have more friendships and enjoyable times with them, and then we could be honest with them when we really want (NEED) to just go and be alone.

    What do the rest of you think?

  2. Letting others come inside your comfort zone is really challenging, but it does work. If you have difficulties witht his in the beginning, you can always start with something as simple as giving people warm smiles when walking on the street, or walking into a building. What do you think of this advice? It helped me big time…
    Emily´s last post implants

    • What is the research that proves that introverts are generally more educated?

      If you have no proof, it is inappropriate to make such statements.

      I am an introvert, but found this comment offensive.

  3. One thing why I do appreciate introvert person is that, they are to know what is the best to do in specific things without hurting someones heart…. They are silent in their way but well enough better than other… Cheer up for all the introvert….
    Mrs.White´s last post 1300 numbers

  4. Holly, if your boyfriend really loves you, he can wait. But of course you should give him also the chance to be with you at least three times a week if not everyday. You said you’re with him for three years now, then why you still hesitate in someways or hide things from him. Being an introvert is just all in the mind. Get out on that cabinet and let other people know that you are actually existing. Be more open with your boyfriend, that’s the only thing he is waiting from you. To feel you more and to know you more better.
    PrudenceLee´s last post ..Dating Tips for Men

  5. I think the introverts are not good in expressing their feelings and that’s the main point of raising problems, when you break this silence then all things will become all right also for introvert people it is good the other person should be outspoken.
    Pete Goumas´s last post ..Spartoo Coupon & Review

  6. I prefer to think of introverts as simply ‘internal energy’ people. They gain the best insight during their needed alone time.

    When you think of it that way, it’s just a matter of ensuring you make some ‘we time’ next. If you’re unable to do that, then think back to what your blocks are. We are all built to share. It’s typically historical experience that put up roadblocks for the future.

    You’ll get there, if you want to get there – so do you?
    Martin Cooney´s last post ..Healing Yourself: Do You Have What It Takes To Fix a Problem?

    • Hey there,

      I was wondering whether you could assist me now? 🙂

      I’ve got a Google Penguin slap against my site at the moment and it turns out that part of it concerns keywords in comment names as well as using KeywordLuv as well.

      So how can you help me?

      is there any possibility of you changing the comment name in my comments to ‘Martin Cooney’?

      The easiest way would be via ‘Comments’ in the Admin WP panel, search for and change them quickly from there.

      You might also notice a ‘Remove KeywordLuv’ link if that’s ever been used. Do please remove those as well.

      It would be very appreciated if you could do this for me as I really would love to get out of this ongoing issue which has been going on for more than 9 months now and little help from Google in telling me what I really need to do – sheesh.

      Thanks if you can do this.

  7. I really know where you are coming from and I have spent many relationships leaving my other in the dark. It was as if I could take on their problems and full self, but I was selfish not to be able to do the same to them. What I did was slowly share childhood stories of mine. Maybe just one on night and explained what they meant to me. Then the hardest part was what i did next which was after talking about myself I would ask her, what do you think about _________? And accept and get their opinion on the matter. It is hard to give someone that power to comment on something that happened to you but i found it was the only way to let someone in and feel valued and open. I dont know if this help but i wish you all the luck in the world. You are not alone out there!

  8. Pingback: Loneliness – A beginning of understanding | Introvert Zone

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