To say it in simple words, I just finished the 1st semester. I have lots of acquaintance but just few friends, and only ONE best friend. I don’t have much trouble socializing if there’s just like two or three person and the surrounding isn’t too stimulating. Apparently 2 hours is maximum time to me when I feel full of energy and have things to say. Then I would become detached and walk away. It’s been like roller coaster to juggle between things, college life in general. But I have trouble with some people and my classmates opinion of me in general. Not all, but some.

While I admit that we shouldn’t hang out with crappy people or BS, I do find it somewhat…. helping if I introduce myself in the new class next semester along with my introversion, but in simple words of course. I don’t want to shove this idea to people. I just want my classmates to…. think. Need to make them at least subconsciously feel that introversion is normal, introvert who don’t know they’re introverted can benefit from this and extrovert would get a chance to re-educate themselves and make right of what is wrong, their perception. But I fear if this turn into something controversial or somehow things can go wrong. Any opinion on this? Thanks for reading.

I’m a 19-yr.-old introverted (ISFJ) sophomore in college. I understand what you’re talking about.

You want to hang out, but only when YOU feel like hanging out, right? I’m the same way; I find it hard to just “go” when I get invited to do things, because unless that event was already in my schedule, I have other things lined up. And yes, meeting a ton of new people means following up and going out to eat a meal together (etc.) and to me, that takes so much energy.

It’s so funny with introverts–we often don’t like people (although I think it’s just a matter of getting drained by extroverts rather than not liking them), but then when we finally get long stretches to be alone, we realize that…we actually need people? Fortunately/unfortunately, we do need people, just in small bites. It gets so lonely being an introvert because we’re in the minority in this society and especially in college.

The difficult truth in finding that “one person/companion” to fill that empty space beside you is that: if this does come to pass, you will most likely put too much expectation on that one person to fill the majority of your needs, and it’s even harder when they’re extroverted and need to get recharged by a lot of people (i.e. often leaving you by yourself). I had my first “real” (non-long distance) relationship last year, my freshman year of college, with a junior, and although it was lovely much of the time, I still felt very lonely because he couldn’t fill all my needs (naturally, that’s not anyone’s responsibility but mine), and on top of that it was so easy to just hang out with him and isolate myself from any other potential friendships. On top of that, he always wanted to see me, which left me torn because though I loved the thought of somebody wanting me around, I needed more alone time than school and having a boyfriend and sleeping was leaving me, and that probably contributed to our breakup.

If you are happy with who you are (and yes, that includes accepting and EMBRACING your introverted preference) and are willing to embark on the journey of healthy relationships with someone else, my advice to you: do things that YOU like in public places, so that you’re not completely isolated. Go out to events that interest you SOME of the time. Try to work on your air, if it seems unapproachable (as many of introverts’ seem unapproachable). Be assertive if you see a woman you’re intrigued by. If you’re more interested in finding an introverted woman, pay attention; for me, it’s pretty simple separating extroverts from introverts.

Good luck!

I do want to have a reasonably outgoing lifestyle, but I want one that is superficial I guess? That sounds a bit weird; I don’t want to have an outgoing-10000-friends lifestyle. I mean, I want to go to parties and socialize, but I’m not looking to make meaningful connections with people. I like the alcohol, drugs, loud music, lights, dancing… I just don’t want to meet lots of new friends, which would force me to divvy-up my “me time” even more. I want it on my own time and I understand this means I must settle for superficiality which I welcome.

The worst, though, is that I feel almost like an outcast in my own mind sometimes. I am a very private person, but I crave human connection very badly. I can’t handle lots of friends, but I always need that one best friend, that one companion. I’ve never had a real girlfriend and it just makes me feel dead inside every time I see a man and a woman happy together. I even want those fights, the ones that are dirty and sometimes nasty but that strengthen your relationship after you work it all out, and make you grow closer together.

I feel like the introverted nature which I truly enjoy has betrayed me in that department.

Do you have any advice at all about good ways to meet that special introverted (or, hell, extroverted would even be fine) someone, and fulfill that primal need for closeness and companionship? Any words would help immensely as I basically feel stranded alone in my life right now, and not in the introverted good way…