A lot of introverts are looking for help in dealing with being an introvert in college. Why are introverted students the ones who have to be concerned or sometimes miserable? After all, introversion is a normal personality preference; it’s not a disability or disease. However, since we are the minority and many people do not recognize our traits as just as normal and valid as anyone else’s, we are faced with living in a world dominated by extroverts who have no idea what we’re really about.
So what’s making introverts unhappy in college right now?
Loneliness
If you feel lonely, try to figure out what is causing the bad feeling so you can know what you really need to do:
- Are you actually homesick, missing your familiar friends, family, and places? If so, that will pass as you get a new routine and some new friends, but sure, some new experiences will distract you very nicely.
- Are you really content to spend a lot of time alone but just see everyone else going crazy with social stuff and think it’s “supposed” to be that way? We see movies and read books and hear stories about people’s college experiences that make us think we must have football games, dances, dating, and loads of parties, or else we are missing our college experience – “the best years of your life.” Sure, college years are wonderful ones, but not just for those shallow reasons. It is a time to truly develop into the person you are, to find out what you like and dislike, and of course to get a great education to prepare you to work and live in the world. Relax and explore at your own pace. Of course don’t shut in your room all weekend – you need to be alone to recharge, not to hide.
- Are you really lonely and longing for friends or a boyfriend/girlfriend? Those things will come, but you should be in places where new friends can find you. Try joining some casual activities that don’t require a lot of social “overhead.” Do things where you can actually DO something instead of having to stand there making small talk. If you’re an animal lover, go volunteer at the local shelter. If you’d rather help build a robot, build a Habitat for Humanity, plant trees, or something else, find the group that’s doing that. It’s so much easier to get to know others when you’re doing something instead of just trying to think of something to say.
- Do you have friends but are worried that you don’t have enough friends, or that your friends are various individuals who aren’t all in one big group? Once again, don’t compare yourself to anyone else. If you enjoy your friends, can rely on them, and have great relationships with them, you are luckier than most people! Introverts don’t have huge groups of people they lightly call “friends.” We form deep friendships that can last for many, many years. Enjoy those friends and sure, keep your eyes open for new ones as they appear, all through life.
People Problems
If you are miserable because of what the people around you are doing when you want to be quiet or alone, try to picture yourself confident and not angry (even if you feel angry and not confident) and what you’d say in the situation.
- Hey, I have an 8:00 class, would you please use headphones after midnight?
- Thanks for the invite, but I’m exhausted and need some “me” time. I’ll catch you next time!
- Would you go to your girlfriend’s instead of her coming here tonight? I’m cramming for a test..
And I know that sometimes the situation is a whole lot worse than that. Some extroverts might be partying all night. Heck, some introverts might be partying all night! Or they might have friends or boyfriend/girlfriend in the room constantly. In this case, if the other person is nice at all, try to have a talk with them. A calm, polite talk where you look pleasant and speak pleasantly, with respect for both your own and your roommate’s preferences. Don’t call them names but don’t be self-deprecating and call yourself names either.
If you can’t work it out, seriously try to find someone else to room with and request that through your housing department. By the end of a semester or so, you should really know some quiet people who may be in the same boat as you! Nowadays you have forums, Facebook, all sorts of ways to “advertise” discreetly for someone who fits. And of course remember no one is perfect. There will be slobs, cell phone yappers, neat freaks, all kinds of people, and course they are getting accustomed to you too.
Remember, some colleges have private rooms available, so by all means get on the waiting list for one if you can afford it!
What else?
This post is only a beginning for us talking about the college experience for introverts, so if you’re having a problem or issue in college, or if you found a great way to deal with something, please leave a comment below. I’m hoping readers can help each other with these situations a bit – maybe someone can shed new light on a problem.
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{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
I can really agree with this post. I’m lucky enough to have my own room, but unfortunately live in a suite with other girls. Some of the girls are constantly having other kids stop by who can be the loudest people on earth, which makes it even worse because the walls are so thin, so even with the door shut, I might as well be in the same room with them. I just head to the library after classes (it helps me recharge even with other people around) until dinner, then go to the dining hall and stay in my room with the headphones on all night to drown them out.
Hi Brianna, That is so wonderful you not only have your own room but have a great plan to make sure you can recharge each day. It is annoying to have to hear the others through the walls, but at least you have those walls – and your headphones.
Thank you for sharing your situation with us – I’ll bet a lot of students who are reading this have similar stories and routines but may have felt alone in it or not realized that it’s part of being a normal, healthy introvert!
It’s a common myth that introverts cannot succeed and thrive.
But I agree that a college life is one area in which it could potentially be particularly difficult. Lots of 18 year olds, away from home for the first time… the extroverts become MUCH more extoverted and the introverts can often become even more introverted.
Brianna, it seems you have the right attitude in getting to the library and so on. What a shame you have to sit in your room with headphones though.
Would it not be possible for you to ask them about the noise levels? Or are they the type ofpeople you probably wouldn’t really approach about that?
I agree with you guys that college life is one of the most difficult to deal with in the entire school life. One good thing for the introverts is the introduction of online schools wherein students will no longer need to interact with others personally.
I agree with you Olive. If I were in the position of an introvert person, I would rather pursue a degree via online schools, wherein I could earn a degree without battling against the extrovert world.
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I have a story about a past college experience. My roommate and I were in our room. My roommate was studying and I may have been studying as well. But my roommate was having a hard time tolerating the noise that was coming from the students in the dorm room next to ours. My roommate made a couple of comments about how loud they were, and after a while, I got up the nerve to go next door and ask them if they could please quiet down. I was a little nervous about asking them but it had to be done, other wise my roommate would have just kept on complaining, since she was even less assertive than me, and I am not very assertive, at all. But out of the both of us, I had more of a mouth on me so I ended up asking. They agreed to be more quiet, but once I got back to my room, my roommate and I heard them making comments because I had asked them to tone it down. They made it seem like I had no right to ask them that and they also made comments about how they never asked my roommate and I to be queit if we were being loud. But the funny part is that if we were being loud, all they had to do was come knock on our door and ask us to please be more quiet. But they stuck to complaining instead of taking a proactive approach, while I took a proactive approach with them. It can be hard to do that but a lot of the time that’s the only way to get things done.
If Brianna comes back to this entry, I hope she reads this because I really think that she could voice a complaint to the other girls in the suite and possibly try to get everyone to agree to some ground rules about the level of noise in the suite. Or if she doesn’t feel comfortable voicing a complaint, which can be hard, maybe she can type up a memo about the problem and a suggestion of how to solve the problem, and then slide a memo under each girl’s room door so that they get it. If that doesn’t work then voicing a complaint is the other solution.
I totally agree with you JW. Being an independent by myself who used to go to university away from home, lived in dorm for four years, I somehow developed that courage of telling / requesting other people to become considerate of their surroundings (including an introvert me). Now that I am already working, but still prefers to live in an apartment, not only I deal with noisiness of other people but also their behavior on handling things inside the house. I do that memo thing which I hang on to wall (without a signature) reminding others to be considerate and this somehow works.
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I’m very grateful after reading your comment. Somehow, it enlightened my view on how students should voice out their concerns and outlive the introvertedness. I hope I could somehow do this thing. Thank you and more power to this blogsite.
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I am highly introverted at a large college, living on a dorm of 70 guys. This is my second year and I’m just now starting to read online how other introverts struggle in college life. It is a great relief just to know there are others just like me. I’ve basically been forcing myself to become an extrovert for the past two years, and although I gained many social skills and learned a lot, it’s been extremely miserable at times. Even now, I’ve been struggling with anxiety, loneliness, and feeling like I SHOULD be like all the other extroverts going crazy around campus. I worry that I’m not living college life as I’m “supposed” to because I don’t have hundreds of friends or big group of close friends. But it has been great to read these things tonight. It has helped to identify some of my problems and some things about me that are not problems. Any tips on how to work towards releasing these feelings?
Jon there are SO many people just like you and me, but many of us think we have to pretend to be extroverts so we won’t look unsociable or “weird.” I think it’s great you got lots of good social practice
so now when you do feel like going to a party or out with a group, you will be comfortable and will be able to meet people you actually enjoy doing things with. I know exactly what you mean about feeling lonely, and often a lot of that feeling is just feeling like you’re missing something – you “should” be having “the time of your life!” etc.
As for releasing the feelings, sometimes writing helps to clarify things for us. Of course you don’t want this to be a paper notebook that someone else could get hold of. Perhaps a Google doc or something like that. I was able to realize that I wasn’t really lonely when everyone I knew was away for the weekend when I clarified it: Instead of true loneliness, it was those “shoulds.” I thought I “should” be going out that weekend and no one “should” be spending Saturday night alone. After I analyzed it like that, I knew I had control of the feeling because I knew the “shoulds” were false. Thanks for your comment – and please come back to Introvert Zone soon. I’ve been trying to figure out more things to help students, and I really intend to have a lot more for you here.
I can relate to the college experience as an introvert. I had a semester where I lived in a private dorm that I mostly recall being an unpleasant experience. Because I’ve lived most of my life in private with just a few true friends in life, when I first moved out on my own and into a very social environment, the anxiety and what later turned into fear kept me in my dorm room almost all of the time. I’d hear a lot of people laughing and yelling down the hall outside of my dorm and it’d give me a small amount of grief every time. Often at night I’d turn my fan on max to help me sleep because I wouldn’t hear all the activity that was going on that made me feel like I wanted to be a part of.
But then I’d think sometimes that if I was actually out with some of the wild ones out there, that I’d probably not actually enjoy the experiences because it wouldn’t of really been what I wanted to do. My college didn’t have any clubs or communities I was interested in so most of my spare time (and a lot of that I had in college most of the time) was spent with the feeling that I should have gone out a lot, when in actuality I really didn’t. The biggest problem for me of course was not being able to easily meet girls when naturally as a college aged gent I really wanted to haha. I’m sure that’s a common problem among introverts. I’m now in my mid 20s and am just now attempting to build a small social life and meet others outside of work on an occasion.
Chris,
Just wanted to let you know I relate to your college experience. Thankfully, I’m only halfway through my 4-year degree and have made great strides as an introvert. I know exactly what you mean by feeling grief every time you hear others down the hall. By God’s grace, I have begun to conquer many of those feelings. I start my first classes as a Junior tomorrow. I’m still in the dorm, but learning how to cope more and more each day. It helps just to know that I don’t want or need to be going as fast and wild as the other extroverts on the hall. I can each day as slow as I need to, and enjoy each moment. Thanks for posting =)
Oooh! The Introvert Zone! *eyes glisten* This is fantastic. I’m a year short of a psychology bachelor’s. I don’t have many close friends and I really don’t have any here at college, aside from my husband. I’m also a mommy to a 3 year old, so even if I was an extrovert, chances are I wouldn’t be much more social than I am. But I’m happy! And I’m happy with who I am. I try not to focus on what people *expect* me to be, but instead I focus on who I am. I’m 25 and I’m not going to change any time soon.
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Good for you Sarah!
It’s great that you’re able to be yourself and not worry about what others *expect* or *should* or any of that other futile stuff. Sounds like you have a very full plate – and a wonderful “plate” at that. 
Oh my goodness, I can’t thank you enough for this article! I just finished my first year of college and am preparing to start my second, and this article describes the exact things that I felt during my first year: the extroverted roommate/neighbors who like to stay up late, feeling lonely but not really knowing why, feeling guilty because I didn’t like partying and staying up until 2 a.m….spot on. I felt like I was kicking my roommate out of our dorm room most nights just so I could sleep
I am getting my own room this next year away, and I plan on working with my college counseling center and getting more involved with campus activities so I can better utilize my strengths. Thanks again!!!
Erin I’m so glad to hear that this article was of use to you. I know it does make us feel so much better to have someone who’s shared the same situations, and yet we introverts often think we’re all alone in things like that. Very glad you’re getting your own room – and finding some good activities too. Please let us know how it’s going, as the school year gets going!
Whoops, it’s been about four months since I wrote that last comment and I haven’t gotten around to telling you how it’s going! Well, things are going very well. I love having my own room and doing things by my own time instead of having to worry about what my roommate’s schedule looks like for the day. I was worried that I’d get super lonely with my own room, but that hasn’t been an issue at all! I’m super-involved in campus ministry activities and am the secretary/treasurer of a club on campus. I’m quite happy this year
Introvert power, yeah!
Wow I feel the same way too. I just started my second year at college and have just completed week 1. I’m feeling so depressed these days for reasons I don’t even know. I feel a bit lonely, although for the most part, I normally like being alone, and now, I feel homesick. I’ve met some new friends and all my neighbors are really nice people although sometimes they could be quite loud (not my style). Btw, I have my own small little single room this year. Anyway, I’m trying to adjust and change from being a complete introvert to being a bit more social. Last year, all I did was go out for classes and for food that was it (my grades turned out to be pretty decent). So far this year, I’ve been trying to hang out with my new friends for about an hour each day, but I feel like I do not belong, because most of the time, I have no idea what those people are talking about (they have known each other for a long time already). Also, I am a slow reader/learner, so I normally have to take twice or triple the time it takes for others to get work done and that is why I feel like I need to spend all of my time on school work in order to not fall behind. Any suggestions on what I can do? Thanks
Hey Sandy!
I know just how you feel; sometimes I feel like I don’t belong with my friends, either, even though they do genuinely try to include me and want to hang out with me. Sometimes they just talk about things that I really don’t have any opinion about. I’d say it’s good that you’re hanging out with them for a little bit every day. I suggest trying to organize a small outing away from campus with your friends every few weeks; my friends and I like going out for pie at a local restaurant and driving around town, and we’re planning on getting away from campus even more this year! Also, if you’re not involved with any clubs or groups on campus, I recommend finding a club or two that interests you. It’s a really good way to socialize and to meet other people with similar interests to your own.
One other thing that I’d recommend is not spending so much of your free time in your room. I enjoy doing homework and working on my laptop in the common areas on campus. It makes me feel a little less lonely, even though I may not be talking to anyone. That’s been my experience, anyway. I hope that kind of helps!
I think you’re doing great! Erin’s right – just that little bit every day is a great start, and pretty soon there will be things to talk about that you all know about, as time goes on and events happen. Football games or midterms or other big things should be pretty universal. And always feel free to ask them, “Who’s Joe?” or whatever they’re talking about. That’s pretty natural and extroverts always feel free to stop people and ask to be caught up some.
Thank you Erin and Cb.
Hi everyone,
I’m guessing this is the place for introverts…Anyway, I am 19 and I have no idea what is wrong with me in the inside. It is the start of a new school year, I’ve met a couple of really nice people (neighbors), classes are eh…ok, but overall, I’m just not happy. I am already really lucky to be able to attend college and to be on my own, but at the same time, I don’t know why I am still so upset. Is it stress or is there something wrong with me? I have a decent course load, but it’s not like major overload or anything. Most of my classes end around 2-3pm, so I have quite a lot of spare time. My mom is a single mom who works her butt off everyday in order to support a family of 7. She is never bossy nor does she ever force me to do things. All she asks from me is for me to do my best in school. I already know that studying is the MOST important thing in college and yes I do try my best. However, the phrase “try my best” to me means, to spend every spare hour on studying, probably just a couple of hours for breaks, but aside from that, I feel like if I put my hours into studying, than that would be considered as my best (every hour I spent doing something else is an hour lost to my studying). I’m currently looking for a pharmacy technician part time or on-call job (for experience not money), but I don’t know if I can handle work with school or if anyone is even willing to hire me for a couple of hours 1-3 times a week. After all, I did mention that in order for me to do my best, I must devote every spare hour to studying. Am I overloading myself ? All I know is that I feel like crap. I am trying to find the right balance between schoolwork and social life, but as an introvert, I normally like to keep to myself. All of last year, all I did was go out of my room for classes and for food, otherwise, I shut myself away from the world. I don’t really have any friends at all, because everyone I meet just doesn’t make me feel comfortable ( I do try and meet people, but it very often fails). They often exclude me in small talks, never invite me to dinners, parties, or events and all they do is use me (as a chauffer because I own a car). I hate how all I am to others is a slave, not a friend. Normally, I am very nice to other people and try to befriend them, help them out if I could, but in today’s society, it seems that people could care less for other people. I guess maybe it’s just because I am too old fashion or something. A lot of people say that I am just too sensitive and that I just “want to be the queen” and have everything my way…but this is not true. All I am asking is for others to be considerate and to use common sense…but NO (this is a given respect people should know). People nowadays just piss the hell out of me. I don’t find anything in reality fun or funny anymore and I can only find joy while watching movies or tv shows. I am just so confused with myself. What should I be doing and how do I do it?
Hi Elena
3 years through college and i have seen a bunch of people rise and fall.
Studies go only so far. Have a heart to heart with your mother. Find her expectations. And redefine ‘try your best’.
Studies matter a lot. But the rest of the world matters a lot as well. It won’t matter if one has a 4.0 if one doesn’t know how to cross the road.
You are striving to strike a balance. And know that you have to make an effort.
You have already taken the first and most difficult step in my opinion. Kudos.
I would recommend trying to get out more. Go for a walk every day. Make a genuine effort to look around. You will find something interesting. A sport maybe. A local e-gaming cafe. Art. Tech. Anything. A part time job will do you good.
Find someone who watches the same tv shows/movies as you. Discuss the plot with them. Possible future line of the plot in the tv show.
There will be many people who piss you off in this world. Frankly speaking, it wont be fun with everyone agreeing to exactly what you are saying and thinking. Life would be boring. And among all these people lie the gems that become true friends. Its just a matter of sifting through all the garbage.
Elena,
I am also 19, an introvert and in college as well so I can really relate to you. Honestly from reading what you said I think that you may be unhappy because of the lack of good relationships in your life. Now, I’m not an expert or anything, but I’m just forming and opinion from my own experiences. I honestly think that no one can be happy alone. And being an introvert, I don’t like people just as much as you do trust me! But I think the key is to find balance. I think that as introverts since we prefer to be by ourselves better, that we tend to completely push people away unconsciously and then realize that we are not happy that way. I do this all the time… I push people away and then really that I’m not happy. Like I said I think that we need a balance between being alone and being with people in order to be happy. I know what you mean when you say that you just can’t stand people most of the time. I think that you shouldn’t give up faith in people… maybe if you found good people that you can have a great and long lasting relationship with that you’d feel better. If you don’t like the people that are in your life than you dump them. You should really try and find people that you can form a deep relationship with, people that can be a really good friend.. even it’s just one or two.
Elena,
I also don’t have any friend. You said —- “A lot of people say that I am just too sensitive and that I just “want to be the queen” … Those are the Extroverts who are stupids. Those people cannot understand the Introverted character. Eventhough not all extroverts are same. Some can understand the Introverts, but mosty many are like that, Saying…just go out..socialize more.Anyway,so there is nothing wrong with you.
Don’t worry.I wish you will meet like minded people as you soon.
Tasneem,
You are right that to find people to form a deep relationship with, people that can be a really good friend.. even it’s just one or two….
And mostly for the Introverts…It will be better to form a deep relationship with like minded people. But the thing is…they are not easily found. Some Introverts have good friends as they expect and some don’t have.I don’t have any friend in real life coz i have never met an Introvert like me.From online also i cant able to get a Introvert friend.
To outsiders, introverts can appear unfriendly and anti-social. This often leads to a self situation where dorm or classmates begin to avoid asking them out to social events resulting in the sense of isolation and lonliness. The key to surviving college as mentioned above is to keep a healthy balance between doing well in class, making new friends and maintaining old ones. At times, you may have to go out to events even though you’d rather stay alone in your apt. But hey, that’s part of life and a good skill to develop before you graduate and have to attend networking events to find jobs.
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I agree with you Charlie. Introvert could hamper your personal development and being a college student, you should outgrow the introvertedness.
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Hey guys,
This article has helped me a lot in dealing with the issues that i’m feeling. But i’d like to identify more specifically the way i’m feeling, in hopes that I could get some suggestions or ideas about how to advance.
I was a very social person in high school, went out alot. I guess you could say I was a partier. Naturally I had seen and heard all these rumors about how great college is. All the partying and fun. (I am now in my second year) I have lived off campus for the entirety of my college experience. In my first year I made some friends, not necessarily people that I had soo much in common with, but people who I generally enjoyed being around. I would go to parties and have a relatively fun time. Unfortunately I still felt like I was missing out on something. Like should be doing more or having more fun. In my second year these feelings seem to have intensified. My freshman year I found it a lot easier to meet people especially girls. So far in my second year I do not think I have made one new friend. This year when I go to parties I find myself standing alone, and often feeling very insecure, sensitive and out of place. I feel like the only place i’m truely comfortable is when i’m alone. But even then I feel down on myself, and alone. A few weekend ago I went to a party (surprisingly) I stood and observed everything that was going on. I started walking towards to door to leave and I passed by a girl who smiled at me. The feeling I felt was fear. This moment compounded all the feelings i’ve been experiencing of late. Even when people are genuinely friendly. There is still some disconnect, something holding me back. Now I spend my days going to class and coming home, having very little human contact in-between. What bothers me most is the constant feelings of unhappiness, of wanting more from my life. I feel so uncomfortable in social situations that not that long ago I really enjoyed.
Same thing happened to me. Not exactly partying. I live in a dorm. I used to enjoy staying with a group of friends huddled in the same room. And chatting/gaming etc. Now i am alone in my own room. It might have to do with a few of those ‘friends’ but it might be something else. Suggestions people?
Hey KD, you said you were very social in high school, so you’ve enjoyed being with people and known how to handle it in the past. It sounds like you had an ideal mental picture of what college life is like, and maybe you’re just extremely disappointed in reality, to the point of being a bit depressed? I remember I had various friends during college, each one right for me in a particular way, but none of them fit together, so I didn’t have a “group” of friends and I thought there was something wrong with that. Instead of thinking about the picture we get from movies and people’s college memories, I think we’d all be better off appreciating those one, two, or more individuals whose company we enjoy.
Since you’ve started to get really conscious of your interactions with people – to the point that they feel scary and awkward, how about getting with a person you feel very comfortable with and just hang out one night. Don’t worry about “keeping score” as far as how many new friends you make this year. Just pick the nicest guy or girl who you can be yourself with and do one thing or nothing. Then gradually work your way to being comfortable with more people. I’m going to tweet a link to your comment in the hopes that other introverts give their ideas too.
I am an introvert. Dealing with noisy people is my ultimate fear in college. The idea of online university even came up to me but I did not pursue it.
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I have a pretty hard time in college, as an INTP-type introvert.
I do want to have a reasonably outgoing lifestyle, but I want one that is superficial I guess? That sounds a bit weird; I don’t want to have an outgoing-10000-friends lifestyle. I mean, I want to go to parties and socialize, but I’m not looking to make meaningful connections with people. I like the alcohol, drugs, loud music, lights, dancing… I just don’t want to meet lots of new friends, which would force me to divvy-up my “me time” even more. I want it on my own time and I understand this means I must settle for superficiality which I welcome.
The worst, though, is that I feel almost like an outcast in my own mind sometimes. I am a very private person, but I crave human connection very badly. I can’t handle lots of friends, but I always need that one best friend, that one companion. I’ve never had a real girlfriend and it just makes me feel dead inside every time I see a man and a woman happy together. I even want those fights, the ones that are dirty and sometimes nasty but that strengthen your relationship after you work it all out, and make you grow closer together.
I feel like the introverted nature which I truly enjoy has betrayed me in that department.
Do you have any advice at all about good ways to meet that special introverted (or, hell, extroverted would even be fine) someone, and fulfill that primal need for closeness and companionship? Any words would help immensely as I basically feel stranded alone in my life right now, and not in the introverted good way…
Hey Chris,
I’m a 19-yr.-old introverted (ISFJ) sophomore in college. I understand what you’re talking about.
You want to hang out, but only when YOU feel like hanging out, right? I’m the same way; I find it hard to just “go” when I get invited to do things, because unless that event was already in my schedule, I have other things lined up. And yes, meeting a ton of new people means following up and going out to eat a meal together (etc.) and to me, that takes so much energy.
It’s so funny with introverts–we often don’t like people (although I think it’s just a matter of getting drained by extroverts rather than not liking them), but then when we finally get long stretches to be alone, we realize that…we actually need people? Fortunately/unfortunately, we do need people, just in small bites. It gets so lonely being an introvert because we’re in the minority in this society and especially in college.
The difficult truth in finding that “one person/companion” to fill that empty space beside you is that: if this does come to pass, you will most likely put too much expectation on that one person to fill the majority of your needs, and it’s even harder when they’re extroverted and need to get recharged by a lot of people (i.e. often leaving you by yourself). I had my first “real” (non-long distance) relationship last year, my freshman year of college, with a junior, and although it was lovely much of the time, I still felt very lonely because he couldn’t fill all my needs (naturally, that’s not anyone’s responsibility but mine), and on top of that it was so easy to just hang out with him and isolate myself from any other potential friendships. On top of that, he always wanted to see me, which left me torn because though I loved the thought of somebody wanting me around, I needed more alone time than school and having a boyfriend and sleeping was leaving me, and that probably contributed to our breakup.
If you are happy with who you are (and yes, that includes accepting and EMBRACING your introverted preference) and are willing to embark on the journey of healthy relationships with someone else, my advice to you: do things that YOU like in public places, so that you’re not completely isolated. Go out to events that interest you SOME of the time. Try to work on your air, if it seems unapproachable (as many of introverts’ seem unapproachable). Be assertive if you see a woman you’re intrigued by. If you’re more interested in finding an introverted woman, pay attention; for me, it’s pretty simple separating extroverts from introverts.
Good luck!
That is true about online schools you wont have to interact with other students but does this help you in the long run or hurt you. I would think that you should try to overcome your shyness cause when you get in the real world you will have to interact with other people.
Olive Sommers@Online Schools´s last post ..Further Your Career – With Online Learning
I do not think just interacting with other students will help you overcome shyness. You might want to talk to a therapist or try hypnosis. I heard hypnosis is very effective with this condition.
Olivia Unise@Online Universities´s last post ..Online Courses
Hi, I’ve been reading IZ for a couple of years now, and I just wanted to recommend a book that has helped me. “Introverts in the Church” by McHugh is obviously geared toward Christians, but please don’t let that deter you from picking it up. McHugh is an introvert himself and you will find yourself laughing and crying as you relate with his experiences in this extroverted world.
Best of luck,
Jon
I don’t have this problem too much, since I’ve got two roommates I’m friends with, and they’re both nice guys. Right now though, they both went home for the weekend, and I don’t really have anyone else to talk to. There’s only so much of yourself you can tolerate, you know? So now I’m out in the lobby with my computer. It feels better even though I’m still not talking to anyone.
I am not intervened but am living an intervened college experience… its my third year and I still haven’t made any friends… I go to a private school were every one if ueber focused on there career and I just want a party or two to meet people and talk to others every on else I know is blasting away in the social seen and I am stuck an feel like its too late to change
This is a great article. It’s amazing to see lots of article like this on the internet. It gives me more conviction. I’m sure others does feel the same way too. Because as an introvert actually we totally embrace who we really are but surroundings and circumstances always find a way to pull it slowly from our awareness.
To say it in simple words, I just finished the 1st semester. I have lots of acquaintance but just few friends, and only ONE best friend. I don’t have much trouble socializing if there’s just like two or three person and the surrounding isn’t too stimulating. Apparently 2 hours is maximum time to me when I feel full of energy and have things to say. Then I would become detached and walk away. It’s been like roller coaster to juggle between things, college life in general. But I have trouble with some people and my classmates opinion of me in general. Not all, but some.
While I admit that we shouldn’t hang out with crappy people or BS, I do find it somewhat…. helping if I introduce myself in the new class next semester along with my introversion, but in simple words of course. I don’t want to shove this idea to people. I just want my classmates to…. think. Need to make them at least subconsciously feel that introversion is normal, introvert who don’t know they’re introverted can benefit from this and extrovert would get a chance to re-educate themselves and make right of what is wrong, their perception. But I fear if this turn into something controversial or somehow things can go wrong. Any opinion on this? Thanks for reading.
Im in my first year in college, living off campus because i was late here, and i just hate it here. There are always parties going on over here, but i have little to no friends. Every time i try to go hang out with some people i get excuses as to why i cant. Im starting to think these people dont even like me because half the time they dont even respond to my messages. I have three roommates that are complete slobs and annoying overall, so they definitely dont help. I never look forward to weekends here because when im not on the phone with my girlfriend i could be crying my eyes out or just being angry at myself. My girlfriend says if i get out more tban friends and fun will come, but shes not at this school until next year. I feel so lonely over here, and sometimes i just wish i was alone at this school so i wouldnt have to worry about it.
I liked this post as it’s describing a most of me in it. I am in the second semester and have almost no one to depend upon in College. A girl talks to me nicely but she also isn’t stable in the sense that she keeps on talking in different groups, sitting with them, which I find uncomfortable. I have a feeling that guys feel am so proud and maybe others are jealous beacuse of my intellegence, maybe. It’s not like am not social, but i can’t tolerate fools, back-biters, fakers and oversmart people. And i think my class has all of them. I find myself lonely when everyone sits with his group and leaves my desk. I find hard to have lunch alone. Most of my classmates eat in hostel mess and i’m not a hosteler. I am sitting lonely in my room in weekends and my creative mind can think nothing else than my pity situation and possible solutions for it. And yes, I am slim guy and look clumsy most of the times in my dress, another reason i’m ignored for. Help me to set my routine in college so as i can spend good time there, have good education and can enjoy my lunch hours without depending on anyone.
Been through that man. You can see my post up here just a bit. The truth is, I’ve went to two college, the first one didn’t work out because back then I know very little about introversion. Plus, my hostel mates are just too hostile for a lone wolf like me. And I’m doing architecture back then. Friends, I barely made one. I know few people but the one that I made and don’t go overboard get to stick with me up to this day. But simply put, it was a total chaos and havoc year for me.
Now, I won’t say friends come easy to me. But to talk to people, is only if I have very good reason to do so. As in small talk. Small talk is draining especially if you have to do this at noisy place with lots of crowd over there. Or not noisy, just crowd which happens to be your classmate. Or otherwise if you talk too much to this one person the other one would wonder why you don’t talk to them too. That’s why I’m much more friendlier at hostel. We’re all not that super close, but it’s going somewhere at least although it’s a real slow process. Specifically there’s like five introvert and three extrovert there. But the exies don’t go overboard, and innies dude are mostly chill and laid back (except maybe this ISTP who could be so damn bold at times) so it’s pretty much a comfortable zone for me.
But I’ve read through quite much material to understand the right or the wrong way of doing things. So at times I’ve to take two step forward and one step back. When it doesn’t work you stop and find another way. In your case, I see no reason for you to join in the large group altogether. It drains your energy real first even if you try. Can’t really tell you how to set your routine. As for me I know what I’m capable of from my MBTI type. Also, from experience.
But bear in mind being an introvert it’s normal for people to get the wrong idea about you. Currently I’m trying to find ways to make more people in my college know of MBTI (without having me to talk it out to people one by one of course). Because by knowing it could prevent embarassment, shame and guilt.
It doesn’t matter much even if you don’t look that great as long as you know how to look good. Bear in mind most people don’t think of you as much as they do thinking of themselves. This is true to most extrovert from my experience. Plus, you can’t control others of what they think but you can always control yours, and your life. Never let others think you’re “not normal” or whatever nonsense it is.
I am currently debating whether or not to transfer to a school that is either 4 or 6 hours away from home, depending on which school I choose to go to. My highly intovert personality is what will be my biggest issue. I have never been away from home before and those 4 or 6 hours seems like a lot. Plus the fact that both colleges are on large campuses with a lot of students. The college that is 4hours away is where my brother and cousin both attend. If I do decide on going to the college that is 6 hours away, I will have one good friend with me for a year until he graduates. I just don’t know if I will be alright by myself when he leaves though. But that school that is 6 hours away is very prestigious.
There is another college about an hour/hour and a half away, and they have a decent program for my major, English Lit. but are not as well known as the other two colleges mentioned above. On the other hand, as you can see, it is a lot closer to home than the others.
Therefore I remain at a standstill on what to do.
Any advice?
Hi, I am having a really hard time in school. I have noticed that every time I join a new socialized setting I begin to lose my personality. I mean all of it. I start to hate studying, I stop taking care of myself, I talk to myself alot!, I can’t think, I have headaches, I get so sleepy, tired. I am an extreme introvert and over the years I have discovered that that is one of the reasons for my inability to make friends. I am just not on the same level with people. At all of the places I have lived, cuz I’ve moved quite a bit, it’s always the same cycle. I just really discovered that I am introvert and because all of my life I have been trying to be an extravert it has really taken a toll on my emotional intelligence. I just couldn’t be myself before because I was constantly surrounded by people and never really knew where I fit. Being alone in College, I got some perspective and I know who I want to be. But it gets so difficult because if I am around people a lot, I get over stimulated. I have a tendency to notice everything about people’s personalities and when they change it gives me whiplash. The point that I am trying to make, having moved to another University and social setting, how can I maintain who I am when there are so many people constantly talking and giving me headaches. Everything about my personality literally changes. On top of that I used to be a people pleaser, one of my attempts at extroverting, and now even when I don’t want to talk I do. This has gotten so bad that I think that I am having physical symptoms as a result. I don’t like talking that much and I hate meeting new people, at least I think I don’t because they always get the wrong impression about. Today in class, I literally ran out because I couldn’t stand all the talking, facial movements, side comments, the lecturer, even down to the way people dress (mostly because I sometimes read people’s personalities by the way the dress and some people can be too intimate or loud with their clothes). I am so tired of people, literally. I don’t want to be but they interfere with my ability to think, to feel like an individual, and just everything else. The alone time I got after leaving the classroom really helped. I don’t plan on returning/finishing the last three weeks. I think I would just die. What am I suppose to do?!!!?
p.s. I hope you can understand this because I don’t see that there is a logical order. My brain is too zapped.
Eleanor, I kept researching and you could also have something called Sensory Processing Disorder. I hope this helps.
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