I am an introvert girl and I’m currently dating an ambivert guy. We’ve been good friends and have quite a lot in common. However, I’ve had a very hard time explaining to him that I really need time to myself. I’ve spoken to him quite thoroughly over the array of wonders that my ‘recharge’ time does for me. I’ve also explicitly explained that my alone time does not translate into “I don’t care about you.”
To him, showing that you care for someone is shown by spending time with them. I’ve tried multiple things at least once, ranging from bringing a book or my laptop to our outings, to taking 2 hour naps at his house, calling and texting him as much as I can, and even sacrificing study time or time spent with my family to ready myself with an evening with him.
I’ve read much of the advice on here and usually the ‘extrovert’ half of the couple has other activities they can pre-occupy themselves with while their introvert partner rests… but the things is: I -am- my partner’s activity. He has cleared out nearly his entire life to make time for me. He literally waits for me at his house after work for me to call and say whether I’m coming over or not, to which I’ve rarely said that I’m not. I’ve told him that he didn’t have to give up his friends or hobbies for me, but he insists that I’m his “number one priority”. Maybe girls are supposed to be flattered by this, but I don’t know if he realizes how much pressure this actually puts on me. He has also said that he has become emotionally dependent on my presence. If I don’t see him, his day is shot.
I like everything we do. He’s brought me out of my shell in a lot of ways. I also know that he truly cares for me. But this one thing has been an issue for me ever since we first began dating four months ago. If I want to go home, he thinks that something is wrong, no matter how I might reassure him that nothing is wrong.
Please help me shed some light on this situation. This has become a near daily issue for us. I’ve tried my best to stretch myself as far as I can manage and then some, but I’m afraid that I’ll snap if I go any further.
Photo credit: Leland Francisco