It’s a very different experience, helping someone because you want to, versus doing it because you think you have to. The first one energizes you, the second one is draining.

You might find it easier to go cold turkey for a while and take a break from helping people until you’ve got your balance back. One day you might feel the urge to help someone and really enjoy doing so.

That article was very interesting, bringing into thought some of the things I’ve been feeling lately (which I had started to suspect was random depression). I’m definitely going to try some of those suggestions and hopefully I will stop being angry with myself so often for promising people things I don’t really want to do.

Most of us know what our work hours will be, and I know I like it that way. I don’t think that makes me inflexible, I think it means that I want a balance in my life. I’m entitled to that, and so are you.

I know that it’s hard to learn to say “no”. But understand this one point: your coworkers aren’t forcing you to bend backwards. They’re suggesting you bend backwards, and trying to stack the deck so you will, but you’re allowing them to do push you. You may be angry with them, but I think you are angry with yourself as well.

Here’s an article on being a “people pleaser”, which I think a lot of us introverts are by nature, and how to stop being one.

http://www.kalimunro.com/article_pleasing.html

I think even some of my nicer co-workers have noticed it and have started telling me to stop helping all the time. One person told me once: “You always have a choice. When it’s an unreasonable request just say no.”

I am not a fan of this “classic trick” (sorry to hear your own sister pulled this on you Bella). It only makes me feel that this person is extremely selfish and uncaring for other people. I am thinking of telling the email person exactly as you said that I have other plans. Christie also has a point, how can they be so sure I would check my email in time for Sunday? What if I had been away, or gone to another town for a short trip? Just that aspect in itself annoys me.

I have no idea what they’ve told my boss. I am not even sure they told my boss because my boss only shows up to the work place once or twice a month and seldom tells me anything. I don’t want to seem like an irresponsible worker, but I don’t feel it’s my responsibility to take on other people’s responsibilities. I am not an on-call employee, is there some way to tell people that?

Saying no is rather uncomfortable. Are there any crash courses available?

They both pulled the classic trick on you (the same one my sister pulled on me with the catsitting) which is not giving notice until it’s so late that you can’t say no, or you’re the jerk. Obviously they sense that you just might have the strength to say “no”, so they’re pulling out all the stops to get their way. I think with the email person, just reply on the weekend and say you had other plans.

I hope that these people are telling your boss that you had already agreed to these things, and not that he/she is scheduling work in your off hours without your consent. I would start there and put a stop to that. This will protect you in another way also, because if they say you’ll cover their shift and you haven’t agreed and then don’t or can’t, then you look like the irresponsible employee. You’re entitled to time off of work and to have some input on what hours you will work. Grab those reins!