Introvert does not equal doormat!

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In the past few days, a reader named Bella has left comments on the post about how asking an introvert for an outrageous favor may make us hate someone, or of course a more accurate way of saying it would have been that we’d avoid someone. In Bella’s case, it is her own sister who asked an outrageous favor of her, and Bella would like to know what to do next time, since her sister totally ignored Bella’s straightforward statement that she will not be doing this again. Her comments and my responses are here.

We don’t know what Bella and her sister’s relationship is like otherwise, of course, but it looks to me like her sister is definitely not worried about inconveniencing Bella or even annoying her. So what would be a good way for Bella to get across once and for all that she does not plan to drive 30 miles each way daily whenever her sister takes a trip? I’m going to tell you my reaction as well as that of an ENTJ I asked, then I am asking you to leave comments below. One of us is going to come up with something that feels right to Bella.

My opinion: If this were a coworker or casual acquaintance, I’d indulge my instinct to avoid this person like the H1N1 for a while! I know that’s not the correct approach, but when someone treats me like that, I, an INFJ, really don’t want them around at all. But this is your sister, and I assume you want to keep a good relationship with her. Maybe it’s time for her to look at you in a new light though. If you can stand it until she goes on her next trip, have a nice time with her when you do things together, but then when she springs the cat sitting on you at the last minute, say calmly, “No, I’m afraid I won’t be able to.” That is all. You do not owe her any excuses, reasons, notes from doctors, anything at all. You’d already warned her, so here it is. Don’t be upset or snappish, just say it calmly. There are plenty of cat sitters out there as well as vets with boarding, and once she scrambles to find one once, this won’t happen again.

One ENTJ’s opinion: “I’d leave a big mound of cat food and big bowl of water so the cats would be OK, but I wouldn’t go back over there after once.”

We’ve all been in this position. Sometimes we are too damned nice! But why can’t we be our nice selves without pushy people running right through our boundaries? Maybe it’s time we conflict-hating introverts learn to take care of ourselves in a way that leaves us still speaking to everyone but commanding some common person-to-person respect, too. Readers?

Photo credit: tim eschaton

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40 Comments

  1. Based on what Bella gas written in the comments it’s clear that her sister, sorry for my honesty, is obviously lacking some empathy.
    I can only assume you didn’t say no because you are her sister and women tend to follow their maternal instinct in situations like this.

    Being an introvert, a vegan and who I generally am, I would probably say no. In the end it’s not my responsibility to pick up after people who can’t take care of their own life.
    If I were to say yes, I would be extremely clear that this would be the last time and really be specific on why.

    The reason I would choose to be so vocal and strict about this is not just because who I am, but people like your sister tend to float through life doing whatever they see fit as too few people explain what they are doing might be socially wrong.

    When I was younger I was too nice now and then, but with age (I’m not that old though) I’ve become more stern and have a stronger will. I don’t care if you’re family, the king or whatever, I will say no regardless. Sure, some might get pissed and hate me the rest of their life, but that shows how (un)important I truly was to them.

    You don’t always have to be direct either. I have a lot of close people who are non the wiser about the tactics I use to keep them at bay. I rather keep the peace with some distance, because if some of them are sadly too ignorant to understand that certain things they do to people are and can be very wrong.

    • Amen! I was a timid child myself, but like you as I got older I stopped caring about other people’s problems because it was a burdens to care for EVERYONE. I’ve learned keep my distance and mind my own buisness. I have no problem being there for people in time of need but I don’t deal with stupidity. I have better things to do thank you very much.

  2. Being that we don’t know the dynamics of there relationship, I can only comment on this with the little bit of info I have. I suspect that this type thing has been going on for a long time maybe not to this extreme.

    Just like kids testing there parents to see how far they can push them, we still do this to some extent when we grow up. Of course every body does it in different ways, her sister doing it in a some what of a bully manor. Just like we test our boss and our employees test us to see what they can get away with, her sister has done this with her.

    That being said, her sister is acting the way she has been trained to act. Frankly, Bella has let her get away with it in the past so she keeps doing, probably bigger things each time.

    I’m not trying to attack her, it’s just a reality. We can’t change the past, but we can change the future.

    The only way to solve this is to be straight with her, no fluff, straight to the point. It may not be easy but she will have much more respect for her and there relationship will be stronger because of it.

    This is only my opinion based on the limited info I have.

    Bella, Good luck with that situation, I hope I was able to help in some way.

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  4. Bella
    Being a female I know the feeling of obligation we go through, especially when it comes to family members. We have this tendacy not to want to hurt anyone feelings , but Xen and Nick got it right. Sometimes you just have to say “no” and stick to it. I have a sister myself so I know what you are talking about. The next time she asks for another favor literally sit her down look her straight in the eye and say “Look sis, I warned you. If you didn’t get the message the first time, here it is again…no” If she plays the sister card (which she will) say nothing and walk away. She’ll be fuming in her own frustration for awhile but the message will sink in. Its not a crime to care, Bella, but you have to be strong and stick up for yourself. Note: repeat this line “This is _______ problem, not mine.”

    Good luck : )

  5. Thanks, everybody, for the input (and the new thread on the topic.)

    Actually, my sister has not run over me in the past. What’s changed is that earlier this year I relocated to the city where she lives, moving across country. Ever since I got here, she’s been trying to control me, and make me do things for her. She was the one who encouraged me to move here, and paved the way…now I think I know why. We had lived in different cities for 30 years. We had a giant blowup a few months back, and had just re-established some fragile harmony when she pulled the catsitting stunt. It’s further complicated by the fact that she is bipolar, and is someone said, has little empathy for others. She reacts inappropriately to even mild criticism, so my tendency to go along to keep the peace really comes into play. And she knows, as an animal lover, that I’d never let her cats suffer because I’d like to make HER suffer!

    Again, I appreciate your input. Finding this site is like finding a handful of people from my own planet, here in this world of extroverts! (I’m an INFP.)

  6. I too am an INFJ. I have two kitties, and I love them a lot. I hate going away because I know they will be lonely, but I also know they don’t like strangers. I also could NEVER ask someone to come over everyday to take care of my cats. What to do?

    I suggest an auto feeder. Mine was $50 and it’s never failed us. And even better… I don’t have to feed the kitties when I am home either. :] We also have an auto litter box and water fountain, but they’re more for the kitties than us. We’ve left them for up to 5 days with no problem!

    I know my advice is more for the kitties, but frankly, I like Bella’s sister’s kitties more than I like her sister. She needs a reality check, but it will likely come from a significant other or friends. It doesn’t sound as if Bella really has a voice in their relationship. I don’t know why people think family is there to walk all over rather than lean on. Bella, maybe get your sis an auto feeder for her birthday (just so the kitties don’t suffer). :]

    • Well, I am certainly sorry you feel that way. Cats ARE social creatures, just the reason we have more than one. If someone came over to check on them, they would dart under a bed never to be seen. They are not comfortable around people with whom they are not familiar, so for them, it is much less stressful to be left alone. I also mentioned that I feel terrible for leaving them period. I’ve come home from trips early just to be with them. They are my children and I love them endlessly… I NEVER treat them cruelly. I put their happiness and comfort above my own, so you see, your assumption is pretty offensive and off-putting. I don’t appreciate it at all. Feel free to keep any further opinions on how I care for my cats to yourself. I wasn’t asking for advice, I was simply making a suggestion about a method that works well for me and my furry family.

  7. Thanks, AL! I leave my kitties with an autofeeder/autowaterer and an extra litterbox or two when I’m gone, and have someone check them for the bare minimum of visits. But I also cat sit for that person, so it’s an even trade.

    Now the whole thing has blown up into a fight, and do I need to say that my sister has done nothing wrong, and that it’s all MY fault? I’ll spare you all the details, it’s too twisted to follow anyway. I am cutting off contact with her, my other sister, who lives out of state, is going to keep tabs on her. Thank you all for your support, it has helped me a lot!

    • Ahhh the world of sisterly love…. sometimes you just need a break from each other. Whatever happens, I hope things turn out ok in the future.

  8. Not only introvert, actually all human beings are not obliged to do something for anyone, if they don’t feel comfortable of doing it. A favor sometimes can be complicated and being nice is good, but not until you suffer for it. Bella’s case is understandable, I’m agreeing what others are advising so here you got my vote as well.

    • Thanks Ching Ya! Yes, sometimes we just have to learn to say, “no” without getting ourselves upset or angry. It’s easy to say, but very difficult for me to do when it’s a persistent person who isn’t sensitive/empathetic to pick up on the gentler ways of declining.

      I think part of what makes me and some others so angry is that we would not ask someone for this sort of favor. We nearly kill ourselves making sure we don’t overstep other peoples’ boundaries, then when they don’t seem to have to follow the same high standards we have set for ourselves we are angry. I’m trying to learn to understand that not everyone is sensitive/empathetic, so maybe they don’t hear our first, gentle, “No.” 🙂

      • That’s true. Think none of these would have happened if everyone is being sensitive and thoughtful enough — the world will be so much different, probably a better place today. ^^

  9. Woah Bella! That’s quite a situation on your hands! I’m sorry about what you have to go through with your sister. My suggestion is as everyone else stated.

    Hope your situation gets better,
    Miyuki

  10. I’m an INFJ and i do the same thing, i distance myself from people who don’t treat me properly. My sister included.

    I hope everything works out for you.

    Aimee

  11. Thanks, Aimee. We’re still not on speaking terms, but I’m ok with that. I miss her in some ways but I wouldn’t allow a friend to treat me that way…she doesn’t get a special pass because she’s my sister. Maybe she’ll change someday…until then, I’m going my own way.

  12. As an introvert I’m always tied in knots when I have to be confrontational or assertive or, in fact, do anything that makes me leave my comfort zone. Saying no to someone is a huge worry for me and I have often ended up doing things I didn’t want to in the past just to keep the peace.

  13. I’m dragging this entry up because this seems like the perfect place to vent some frustration about this sort of thing which popped up for me today. If I end up rambling, my apologies in advance, but I need to get this out somewhere.

    Photography is one of my favorite hobbies. I love going alone to a quiet cove, pond or what have you and snapping pictures of whatever I see. Occasionally however, it’s nice to have the company of one my fellow photographer friends. Now, we’re both students still living at home, so I don’t have a car, and neither does she. If we need wheels, we borrow from our parents. Since this idea to get together and take pictures started, she has been responsible for the driving and we have gone exactly once. That was 10 months ago. I wasn’t licensed to drive until just recently, so after about a half dozen other unsuccessful attempts to go since the first time we went, where she would have to back out because she couldn’t secure a car (which wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t make it seem like she WAS going to able to drive), I was very keen to finally be able to provide the key piece of the puzzle that was always missing.

    So a few days ago I asked her if she was free and would like to go take some pictures with me today in the afternoon. She was free, so she said sure. I gave her a time, she affirmed it. Once that was done, I held up my obligation as the driver and I asked my parents for the car for today, and they very kindly switched around their transportation plans to/from work so I could have the vehicle all afternoon.

    Well, what a waste that turned out to be. I sent her a text a few hours before we had scheduled to go just to confirm we were in fact still good to go. She was completely non-committal. First she asked where I wanted to go, I gave her my suggestion, and she remarked “isn’t it a bit cold out for that?”, so I asked her where SHE would like to go that isn’t so cold, and she never offered up anything. By this time I’m getting fed up and I said I am going out regardless and if she wants to join, she could let me know and I’ll pick her up. She never did. Why? Because the last text I received from her was a semi-explanation. Turns out she had a meeting that morning and wasn’t “dressed appropriately” to go taking pictures, and again offered no solution.

    To put it lightly, it pissed me off. In fact, I don’t think I had felt more insulted in my entire life. Hell, it’s not just insulting to me, it’s insulting to my parents who had their schedules altered as well. When I proposed this, she was very keen on the idea, saying she hadn’t been out taking pictures all winter. This was two days ago, she had PLENTY of advanced notice to make the necessary clothing preparations. I took care of my responsibilities, but once again, she is the one who puts the brakes on the entire operation. This is something like the 7th time we’ve been unsuccessful in joining up, all 7 times, I was ready, she wasn’t. Only this latest time, she has no excuse, as all she had to do was be ready and available at our pre-decided time since I was taking care of the transportation. Given that, I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

    The sad thing? It’s neither surprising nor entirely unexpected. But I was hopeful that since the only obstacle in the past was the car, we could finally get it right this time. Boy was I wrong. I’m expecting her to offer up some kind of apology in the coming days, but what good does that do? Right now, I am seriously debating giving her an ultimatum if and when this comes up. We’ve tried her driving, and that didn’t work because she would never get the car. We’ve tried me driving, and again, that didn’t work because apparently my time isn’t as important as hers. If she really wants to get together and go take pictures like she keeps saying, she can provide the transportation or we’re not going. I am not a doormat.

    I am an ISTJ. Where my word is my honor and I hold others to the same standard. When somebody doesn’t reciprocate that, especially someone you value as a friend, it’s like shoving a railroad spike right through my heart.

    So what did I do? Well I wasn’t going to not use the car. Another photography friend of mine happened to be free so I picked him up and then WE went taking pictures and had a most enjoyable few hours, even if it was a bit chilly. 🙂

    Ah, I feel better. Thanks for giving me this place to vent.

    • Hey Andrew, I can definitely relate to how you feel when it comes to people having a lackadaisical attitude when it comes to showing up on time and holding up their end of the bargain. Your story reminds me of an incident that occured when I was in college. I was teamed up with some other students for a project for a communications class. Well, when it comes to group projects, I am of the mentality that people should stay on schedule about when things are due and if we are supposed to meet somewhere to work on the project, I make it a point to arrive at the place, either early or on time. I am not a rigid person, and I understand if people are sometimes busy with other things and therefore get a bit behind schedule, but what I don’t like is when people make no effort to let others know what is going on. So when I was working in this group, the other members of the group seemed very lackadaisical about letting me know what was going on. I was the leader of the group, so I definitely needed to know what was going on with every0ne else, so that I could make necesary changes to things, according to what what going on with the other group members. But they never checked in with me and didn’t seem to respect the fact that my time was just as valuable as theirs. The whole experience just really ticked me off, and I ended up not liking and not having any respect for those group members, because of their behavior. And you sometimes do have to set ultimatums with people, so that they know that you are serious.

      • Emily Roberts on

        Man, I can relate to your and Andrew’s stories very well, JW; I am on the forensics (debate/drama) team, and I was partnered with an acquaintance/friend to practise a duo (two-man skit) two weeks before the tournament where we had to perform it. Well, we only meet twice a week, and for the first week, we were still organising our scripts, pulling bits out and rearranging the lines so that they fit within the required 10 minute time frame, and after that we only had a week to get all our lines memorised, and only two opportunities to practise them in front of the coach to get feedback. Well, this friend of mine, I knew to be somewhat of a procrastinator (once he waited until the day before a tournament to get all his lines for a poetry piece memorised) but I didn’t expect him to be that way when he had a partner on the line. Needless to say, he skipped out of practise entirely on Tuesday with some vague excuse that I don’t even remember, so I had no one to even go over my lines with, and on Thursday, two days before the tournament, he showed up half an hour late and with only half his lines memorised! Needless to say, I was not impressed. Somehow though, he managed it; he got those lines down in two days flat and was ready to perform on Saturday. I was amazed. Still, the worry and annoyance he put me through during the last week was not at all appreciated.

    • OMG, that makes me mad too! Yes – I have been so angry at flighty friends before. Once we settle on something or I understand I’m supposed to do my part, then I proceed, even if it’s a lot of trouble. But let something else catch these peoples’ attention and they’re off to something else, forgetting all about the original plan!

  14. I’m 100% introverted, and I often do a lot of favors for people. Sometimes I will even do things without being asked. I just hate that being nice seems to make me a doormat. In the last week I’ve been thrown two short notice and outrageous favors by my co-workers. One person wanted me to take their evening shift because they’re going on a two-weeks holiday. They knew this weeks ago but didn’t ask until the day before they were leaving. They also didn’t leave instructions on things that were done, and no reminders to certain of things that were due.
    Second person drops me an email Friday evening ( a couple of hours ago) after I have left work that they’d like me to come in over the weekend to help them out despite knowing how difficult it is for me to commute to work on weekends ( my usual bus doesn’t go, and my alternative only goes a few certain times) and then help out during regular work days. Apparently they’ve already ok-ed with my boss, but no one told me until just now.
    So right now I’m in the midst of helping person one, and I desperately want to say “NO” to person two. I also promised person three that I would help them with something else at work months ago (but that got pushed back till now). I am the point where I just feel like I hate everyone.
    Can someone teach me to kill the nice guy on my shoulder who always seems to make me say yes to things I don’t want to do without suffering from my guilt complex?

  15. Wow, it seems like your whole workplace is set up to teach you to stand up for yourself. From the bigger picture, that’s great — you are getting a good education. From the day to day picture…yikes.

    They both pulled the classic trick on you (the same one my sister pulled on me with the catsitting) which is not giving notice until it’s so late that you can’t say no, or you’re the jerk. Obviously they sense that you just might have the strength to say “no”, so they’re pulling out all the stops to get their way. I think with the email person, just reply on the weekend and say you had other plans.

    I hope that these people are telling your boss that you had already agreed to these things, and not that he/she is scheduling work in your off hours without your consent. I would start there and put a stop to that. This will protect you in another way also, because if they say you’ll cover their shift and you haven’t agreed and then don’t or can’t, then you look like the irresponsible employee. You’re entitled to time off of work and to have some input on what hours you will work. Grab those reins!

    • Well said, Bella! Heck, if I dared wait ’til the last minute then email someone asking them to do something, with my luck they’d be the type who doesn’t even check their email regularly and I’d end up having to make other arrangements REALLY at the last minute. How do some people live like that, taking for granted that they can get someone else to fill in or do whatever, at the last minute? I hate having to say no to this sort of thing too; it’s not a comfortable feeling. So therefore it takes practice to make it comfortable! 😉

  16. I can totally see that I’ve become the workplace doormat, but I don’t want that role anymore. There’s just no respect for me at all. I like planning these things well in advance, not last minute. If I had a choice I would probably like to have the rest of my month, if not year, planned out for me. Perhaps you can call it being inflexible, but being constantly forced to bend backwards by other people will eventually break my back.

    I think even some of my nicer co-workers have noticed it and have started telling me to stop helping all the time. One person told me once: “You always have a choice. When it’s an unreasonable request just say no.”

    I am not a fan of this “classic trick” (sorry to hear your own sister pulled this on you Bella). It only makes me feel that this person is extremely selfish and uncaring for other people. I am thinking of telling the email person exactly as you said that I have other plans. cb also has a point, how can they be so sure I would check my email in time for Sunday? What if I had been away, or gone to another town for a short trip? Just that aspect in itself annoys me.

    I have no idea what they’ve told my boss. I am not even sure they told my boss because my boss only shows up to the work place once or twice a month and seldom tells me anything. I don’t want to seem like an irresponsible worker, but I don’t feel it’s my responsibility to take on other people’s responsibilities. I am not an on-call employee, is there some way to tell people that?

    Saying no is rather uncomfortable. Are there any crash courses available?

  17. I agree, that “classic trick” is a dirty trick. It is selfish.

    Most of us know what our work hours will be, and I know I like it that way. I don’t think that makes me inflexible, I think it means that I want a balance in my life. I’m entitled to that, and so are you.

    I know that it’s hard to learn to say “no”. But understand this one point: your coworkers aren’t forcing you to bend backwards. They’re suggesting you bend backwards, and trying to stack the deck so you will, but you’re allowing them to do push you. You may be angry with them, but I think you are angry with yourself as well.

    Here’s an article on being a “people pleaser”, which I think a lot of us introverts are by nature, and how to stop being one.

    http://www.kalimunro.com/article_pleasing.html

  18. What you say makes sense. I think I probably need to get my own message across that I don’t mind doing things for people sometimes, but it has to be within reason.

    That article was very interesting, bringing into thought some of the things I’ve been feeling lately (which I had started to suspect was random depression). I’m definitely going to try some of those suggestions and hopefully I will stop being angry with myself so often for promising people things I don’t really want to do.

  19. Good for you, sounds like you are on the road to reclaiming your life and energy.

    It’s a very different experience, helping someone because you want to, versus doing it because you think you have to. The first one energizes you, the second one is draining.

    You might find it easier to go cold turkey for a while and take a break from helping people until you’ve got your balance back. One day you might feel the urge to help someone and really enjoy doing so.

  20. I was a people pleaser during my high school years, but after that- I finally learned to say “no” and mean it. One of my friends kept asking to stay at my house, and I said “yes” every time because she pushed me until I gave in to her request. Resentment built up inside of me, and I started phasing her out after we went away to different colleges. She came back to my city for homecoming weekend and dropped hints that she wanted to use my parents’ house as a free hotel. I totally ignored her hints, and after that- she never spoke to me again.

    Heh, it’s amazing how “friends” disappear into thin air once I tell them “no.”

  21. I have to agree with Xen. I have had similar problems with this in my life with my brother. It all determines on the person you are dealing with. We do not know what she is like or what the relationship is like however we do not want is generally right and wrong.

    Most people also learn in different methods, ways, or experiences and I think sometimes we can get our point across with a lot more ease if we new how to minipluate this a little into our favor.

    For example I have brother who is going to be a great leader however if he can’t stop being a leader/boss to everyone else around him even when he’s not in the position yet. He doesn’t even realize what he is doing is wrong. So rather than be upfront with him as I new he would get defensive and ignore me I decided to take a different approach and turn the tides back on him.

    I asked him how was his day? Of course out come all the idiots! I stopped him. I don’t care about them, so what did you do today? blah blah… comes back to the idiots he wants to life coach.

    So I said they don’t interest me if I wanted to know about them I’d ask. Also its not your job to tell them what to do, if they aren’t doing their job it reflects badly on their managers not you. So why do keep insisting on cleaning up after the managers when you don’t have too? Because I have too, if noone else is! Not yet brother, very soon, if you put your head down and get your bosses job.

  22. I agree, I do believe that we introverts need to learn how to stand up for ourselves against ANYONE. I am currently in a crazy ass situation were I don’t think I would be in if I spoken up for myself. Additionally, I use to feel like a doormat all thought out my school years to people I didn’t even like. However, I grew to be a little wiser and stronger which blocks some of those push overs. Furthermore, I think that their should be workshops, support groups, and pages like this + facebook (where Introverts can connect with each other and be their selves), or a group for Introverts on Facebook, etcetera. BECAUSE I KNOW THERE ARE ALLOT OF INRTOVERTS THINKING THEIR ARE ALONE AND THAT IS NOT TRUE.

  23. I can relate. I suddenly found a HUGE upsurge in bullying, manipulation, lying, obstreperance, cheating, and just plain old rudeness and all-out harassment the minute I left pro-intellectual environment, even though I was never one to stand for wing controlled or lied to. I went from being obviously smart and well-put together and tough-minded but fair and non-judgmental to “neurotic, anal, dumb, naive, mean, stupid…” basically everything people put on introverts, especially when they’re young and female). It’s like people target obvious introverts ?or anyone alone and fitting society’s idea of less-than or a ‘victim profile’? as marks for all that stuff.

  24. Yeah sometimes I consider myself too nice. But I’m not really in intervert though. I like to help people and do favors. I just have to learn how to say no more often. Having said all that my friends really wouldn’t consider me a push over. I tend to do too many favors in the computer world. Because I’m a computer nerd everyone thinks they can come to me for tech support. Sure I’ll spend 3 hours of my time doing you a favor. Sometimes people forget that it sometimes takes a long time to fix certain things.
    Sarah@h1n1 symptoms´s last post ..Is it h1n1 swine flu or the regular flu?

  25. It’s not easy to be “good”. Simply put, some people decided to be jerk because they want to avoid responsibility or maybe their life is really *that* crappy and the only way to “get out of it” is by believing others are no better than them too and they can do and say whatever they want, playing with others like some kind of puppet.

    I see patterns in people’s behaviour. Sometimes there’s things that you don’t like about this person for example – he love to curse and making putdown statement. And then he expect you to do the same. But in my head I’m already thinking “how can I change this dude anyway?”. But it’s useless. Because the crappy ones, would stay that way until something *big* hits them in life that makes them question their own actions, sayings etc. And maybe by some “miracle” they would change (sigh).

    That’s why with some people I can be real friendly with them at first but once I see some kind of “pattern”, and intuitively I know what this guy is thinking of me, (as if I’m just some inferior ‘loser’ you can call of names and all) I just completely ignore them. In my head I’ve already labelled them “crap”. In a more rare, extreme case I would find ways to encourage others not to befriend, or ignore this person (usually most others don’t like this idiot jerk too so it’s not much big deal).

    In my principal you don’t “fix” people that has too much BS in them. It’s not going to work, but at the same time ironically I do think these kind of person *should exist* so that others could appreciate those that have manners and don’t treat others like dirt. Still, they’re parasites, and parasites drain your energy and will keep on sucking you up dry.

    So you ignore them, perchance they will think “maybe the way I act made them to completely ignore me” but usually this is impossible. But it doesn’t matter anyway, if people want to become crappy and ruin their own life in the long run that’s their choice. It’s just the beginning of their fall.

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