There they are, talking so loudly, often interrupting each other in the meeting, all of them just full of great ideas and talking on and on and on. What’s wrong with the guy who’s in that seat nearest the door, doodling, looking at his watch, and looking as if he only wants to leave? Well – nothing at all! He’s an introvert, and if he had anything to say that he thought would be of value or end this meeting, he’d say it! But he is not going to talk just to hear the sound of his own voice or “one-up” the others in the meeting. He’s thinking about the topic, or when the extroverts start wandering off topic or even saying the same things over and over again, he is then a million miles away thinking of something else. But he’s thinking, no matter what!
Over ten years ago I had an acquaintance I’d see in a group that went for drinks occasionally, had parties, etc. I knew her for years locally, and we even traded social visits. Then she moved over a thousand miles away and we started writing to each other. Soon she wrote something I found very strange. She told me, “All these years I never knew how funny and smart you are until we started writing to each other!” At the time, I was a very ingratiating person, so I responded with something like, “Thank you!” Nowadays, I’d more likely say, “And I find your personality much easier to take from 1200 miles away also!” You see, I am an introvert. That doesn’t mean I hate people or that I am a “weird loner.” It means that although I find social interaction fun, it is draining to me, and my way to recharge is to be alone and read or surf the web or even just daydream while I do my housework. Extroverts are the opposite and recharge by talking to others. This great gap in understanding between innies and outties is almost as complete as that between men and women. Twice this week I have heard references to introverts. About a very quiet guy: “He’s not very smart, is he?” (Simply because he was quiet)! And about another quiet guy: “I’m glad we don’t have someone with a good personality in that position because they’d feel isolated in that room.”
I used to be so miserable in meetings that once people started saying the same things over and over again I’d start making lists of things I needed to do after work, draw pictures, or any other thing to take myself totally out of the room, mentally. Now thank goodness I do have a great boss who is interesting and never lets things get boring. Also, I go to meetings with a different mindset. I go in sort of like someone going to a job interview - ready to try to find out more, and also prepared to talk about what I’ve been doing. My boss gives each of us a few minutes to talk about what we’re working on, and I used to just hit the extremely high spots – in 30 seconds or less. 
But I noticed my colleagues go into great detail, so now I write a list, with details, ahead of time and refer to it when it’s my turn. I may not interrupt people or repeat things over and over again, but this introvert is no one’s dummy, and everyone knows it!
Photo credit: ghindo
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Again you’re spot on when it comes to introverts. It’s a real pleasure reading your blog.
I’ve fallen victim to that far too often. Just because I don’t interrupt someone when they speak, or constantly boast about my accomplishments, talk loader than everyone else and continuously repeat myself; people think I’m not that bright. The main difference is that I prefer being polite, brief, sticking to the subject and think twice before I speak.
That is one thing I’ve started to address to people who interrupt me when I speak, I tell them to stop doing it as it is extremely rude. If they can’t wait for me to finish, why bother talking to me?
And I can’t help but laugh at people that constantly repeat themselves if they think you don’t get what they are saying or if you seem to disagree with them.
Not to forget the annoying thing that they think you want to know everything about them and that you have to listen to them flap their lips. I’m sorry, if I want to learn something about you, I’ll ask.
Wow! Good comments. I hate it when people won’t let me finish talking either. I thought for years it was just me, but luckily with age and experience, I realized that most of the time, these people are not only no more intelligent than me, but are more interested in hearing themselves than listening. I have finally come to realize that they are to be “pitied” a bit. Many times they are extroverts, but very insecure, so they try to finish your thoughts or sentences to show how ” intellegent ” they are, but it is only a cover for their own insecurity.
Thank you Xen! And – that sounds great you are able to address the interruption problem with people. It definitely is rude. I started to tell a group of extroverts something the other day that I really wanted them to hear the end – the end was important. I actually began by saying, “Now the end of this is important, so please let me finish once I start.” They looked so shocked and just stared at me while I told them the three little sentences I knew they wouldn’t have been able to resist interrupting. And by the second sentence, they DID look like they wanted to jump in but knew I’d told them to wait.
This reminds me of a church I used to attend. I was the quiet drummer in the ministry team, for about two years. The Pastor gave a great sermon one night, and it really touched me. I wrote to him in an email how it had effected me and what I thought about it. His wife came up to my wife, at the next service, and said, as a comment to my email, ” I didn’t know Sean was so deep.” It’s not that our pastor and his wife were dense, they had just never taken the time to talk to me directly. They spoke with the people who demanded their time and who just could not contain their thoughts, while I, being polite and an introvert, did not try to monopolize their time. It was totally their loss.
Business meetings are exactly the same way. All of the extroverts are blurting out their ideas, covering the same ground over and over, vying to be heard. We introverts are listening to what is being said, not adding our voices to the same ideas that were covered over and over and over by the extroverts. We are consolidating our ideas and speaking when it is necessary.
One thing I have noticed – extroverts love to shoot down the ideas of introverts. They agree whole heartedly with other extroverts, but seem to have to shoot at introverts when we speak up. I have learned to hold my ground and not back down. I have found that when they have nothing further to say against me, and when they shut up and have no more comments, I have brought my point home.
You know, my first reaction is I wouldn’t want everyone discussing an email I had meant for ONE PERSON. Especially coming back and talking to my own loved one about it as if I were a child! And the attention to the squeaky wheel is exactly what happens in my own church too. The people who talk the loudest and “heartiest” and push themselves forward are the ones who the ministers really know and appreciate. Great way to put it – “their loss.”
That’s right!
Business meetings with extroverts who won’t give us a chance really make me mad. Good for you standing your ground! Yep – I never see a point in saying something that’s already been said, but those guys are getting a lot of mileage out of it!
Repetition has always bothered me as well. I feel like my intelligence is being insulted as they clearly think I wasn’t able to grasp the concept the first 4 times it was said.
I have a very difficult time in meetings because I need time to formulate my opinion and understand things fully before speaking. I always feel put on the spot and stupid.
Hi Sara, yes, I remember thinking when I was younger, “Why can’t I ‘think on my feet’ like so many other people can?” But I guess that’s one good thing about the fact that the extroverts say the SAME THING over and over at meetings. It gives us time to process what was said (the first time) and to think of something important that really needs to be said or asked. Welcome to Introvert Zone, and thanks for your comment!
I’m a bit confused. I’ve never known any extrovert to think introverts are stupid. On the contrary in fact. I find them intriguing, and often times deep and mysterious. Personally I find extroverts to be unbearable a lot of the time. They come off as superficial (Even others who share my MBTI (Especially my type in fact…)) and not incredibly bright. I’m jealous of the introvert’s quietness on many subjects and being able to think before he says. I might just be an extroverted introvert, but I definitely don’t find myself as outgoing as the extrovert ideal. I hate repetition, and I can see your frustration on that, but I don’t think extroversion has anything to do with people thinking your unintelligent. Perhaps ignorance is truly the word?
Hi Waffle! Thanks for the comment. I’ve read that people who speak up in meetings are often considered more competent and knowledgeable, even if they’re just spouting stuff that’s already been said.
I appreciate that you understand that we are thinking! 
I am an introvert. In meetings or group situations where people are brainstorming and such, I might be quiet while I’m waiting for the rest of the group to get over socializing, repeating, and getting caught up on irrelevant issues. I’ve always felt that much meeting time gets wasted by people speaking for attention, not because they have anything worthwhile to say. I’m quiet because I tend to think acting as an example and not adding to the mess is the best thing I can do to help keep things moving forward. Telling most people to focus is usually over their heads and results in more mess. By the way, I don’t expect much to get done by most groups of people.
I had the pleasure of hanging out with a circle of friends, (my then-boyfriend’s brother’s friends) who happened to be architects. They were articulate, didn’t repeat themselves, I don’t think even once, and best of all, when they spoke, it was actually to add something to the table. It renewed my faith in humanity.
Oh, that gives me a warm feeling too!
And yes – I’ve tried being a good example, but some people would never see it or learn. Sometimes when a meeting that should have been over long ago is dragging on with people keep saying the same thing over and over, I’ll close my notebook, put my pen away, and think SURELY this is OVER…but no.. some folks just love the sound of their own voices!
Thank you for putting it right on point!! So often are we misunderstood. Glad to have found this site. Kudos!
I have come across a situation where I have been imo extremely insulted by someone that I was seeing at a point and time.
He was an extravert… the extravert of all extraverts… full of stories and life.. very outgoing and very intelligent.
I remember sitting one day in his car, daydreaming away out the window, not about anything specific that I can remember.. just recalling those feelings and thoughts, shifting here and there in my mind.
Then he asked me what I was thinking about and I couldn’t answer him, I couldn’t use words to explain what I was thinking about… I felt stuck and stupid
He then proceeded to list off all the things he was thinking of, random worldly things.. and still that only made me feel more stuck.
Then he said it..
“your very simple minded aren’t you”
That was such a blow
It made me completely question myself and my intelligence
Its something that I have always worried about.. I have never wanted to come off boring or meek
I don’t feel that way inside
I feel like there is this whole other person living inside me, wanting to come out but is trapped behind this wall of … i don’t know.. i don’t know what stops her from coming out
I feel that it’s unfair to be judged so harshly!
I geuss the key is just to stay around people who accept and understand you…
It’s definately been a constant struggle to be content but i figure everyone has their own struggles… this is mine
..just no more jerks haha
What an IGNORANT jerk! He’s like many of the possibly expensive but actually worthless objects we see around us in life: fascinating and seemingly wonderful on the outside, but what we see on the outside is ALL there IS! Amanda what you had going on in your head that day is the awesome thing that a lot of us introverts do. Yep, there’s no putting it into words, but maybe a painting might approach it someday.
Do you know your MBTI type? I’m INFJ, and I think the N is what really puts me out into daydream land a lot.
How ’bout this – find some really deep, detailed information about your field or a field of interest to you, ahead of time. Then next time a superficial person asks what you could possibly be thinking about, tell them you were wondering about (and make it really full of big words… ) and talk about your topic for a second.
Christie
haha
thanks for your support
And i completely agree that it’s totally something that only a painting could describe…
feels good to have someone on my side!
do i find out my MBTI through that Jung personality test online?
i’ve done that before ( i have a new job as a receptionist and have been doing a lot of personal homework online cause i’ve got a lot of spare time on my hands, so why not use the time for self discovery? ) and found it very interesting and accurate.
but i can’t quite remember what I was specifically, but I’ll take the test again
that topic of interest tip is also a good idea haha.. and a possible conversation starter as well! better do my homework
Hey Christie and Amanda, I can relate to your story Amanda. I tend to start daydreaming, as well, especially when I am in the passenger in a car. My mind tends to wander from one thing to the next, making random connections, and it can be hard to put into words. Some introverts, more than others, have a difficult time articulating what they are feeling or thinking. As Christie said, knowing MBTI type is helpful. I found out that I am an INFP, which really made a lot of sense. INFPs tend to have a difficult time expressing themselves and are also known as “The Dreamers” or the “Idealists”.
When I was younger, the people I lived with tried to make me feel incompetent and tried to make me feel like a dunce just because of the way my mind worked and my behaviors were a bit different from theirs. It didn’t help that I was clueless when it came to finding things, and they used that quirk to try to justify how “simple” I was. Much later, when I started to learn about introversion and the different personality types, I finally realized that a lot of people have the same characteristics/personality traits that I do, and I’m not “simple” and I’m not a “dunce” just because of certain quirks/behaviors. But the people I grew up with would have led me to believe that I was so much “slower” than everyone else, when the truth of the matter was that they were the ones who were quite ignorant to a lot of things. They tend not to understand or better yet, don’t care to understand, anything that is not right there in front of them. They don’t try to make any meaningful, deep connections about much of anything. Everything is very shallow and superficial with them. They can be overbearing and overly critical about the slightest differences or percieved weaknesses that they see in other people, so at some point, I had to distance myself and not communicate with them as much as when I was younger and was forced to be around them.
Thats really unfortunate that you were treated that way, especially by the people who were suppose to be a support group.
But I am glad to hear you have found yourself out a little more.
I have always been told I was slow
To my knowledge i never took it in a negative way tho
i just thought, well .. thats the way I am
I don’t feel slow, but, I am always the last to finish whatever it is that i’m doing.
whether it be finishing a meal, reaction time.. whatever.. I’m gonna be the last one.
a common phrase i enjoy is the classic “slow and steady wins the race!”
I tell people that i’m slow, but i’m slow because i am thurough and do a good job”
Thanks, Amanda. Yeah, exactly, the people you grow up with are supposed to be a support group but what I have come to realize is that a lot of people don’t get the support while growing up and end up basically having to figure a lot of things out for themselves, so it’s a common occurence. That’s good that you never took the “slow” comment negatively. You recognized it for what it was and made it into a positive. I, on the other hand, became more self-conscious and had low self-esteem for a while, because of the negative comments. I have become a lot more confident in my twenties.
I can be slow and thorough or fast depending on what I am doing. I hate to do housecleaning/organizing but if I am in the mood, I tend to go slow and I can be quite meticulous, but other times, I can be fast with what I am doing.
so i took the test again
and this time i got artisan composer
last time i got idealist councillor
haha… so this only adds to the confusion..
maybe third time is a charm
Hey Amanda. When I first took the test, I got ISFP, as well, which is the Artisan/Composer. But since then, I retook the test a few times, and I always get INFP. The INFP profile fits my behavioral patterns a whole lot better. Im my opinion, I think that it is best to answer the questions according to how you behave on a regular, consistent basis and not based on the type of behavioral characteristics you would like to exhibit.
Wow, thank you all for hitting this right on the money! It makes me feel more secure knowing there are a lot of people like me out there. I , too am an INFP, which makes it extremely hard to convey what I’m thinking, or what I’m feeling. I’m a Pisces as well, so i’m like, extra extra introverted.
Starting in my teen years, I’ve been afraid to say anythingat the wrong time, or to the wrong person. There are verrryyy few people I feel comfortable around, and I agree with Amanda, I feel like there’s this whole ‘nother person inside me waiting to come out and shine. Sometimes I feel alone just because everyone that surrounds me seems to not really ‘get’ me on a deeper level. They must think I’m this shy, quiet girl that doesn’t know much because I just don’t really know how to explain my thinking. I FEEL intelligent, but those extroverts just interrupt me literally evert time I try to tell a story. It’s like, wow, do you really need to do that? Is the fact that you haven’t spoken in 10 seconds that terrible? Jeez they need to give us introverts a chance sometimes!
I also have trouble starting, and fueling a conversation with somebody who is quiet like me. Because I feel with too many people, the sheer awkwardness when you’re in a room alone with a person. I don’t know if anyone else gets that way, but I’m constantly worrying about what to say, if they’re feeling awkward, what should I do, things like that. I’m very easygoing, I’m just a people pleaser and need to know whether the other person feels comfortable or not. Wow I’m just spilling my guts to you and I apologize, haha . I really needed to tell people who understand, about my situation. Thank you.
don’t appologize!
i enjoy reading what you have to say cause it’s exactly how i feel
feels good to have company!
haha
yeah it’s too bad it’s so difficult for us(introverts) to communicate with each other in person, cause i think we’d get along just fine! haha
I do wish we had the option of a screen upon which we could project pictures of these amazing thoughts we have that we can’t seem to put into words!