Extroverts often think introverts are not very intelligent

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There they are, talking so loudly, often interrupting each other in the meeting, all of them just full of great ideas and talking on and on and on. What’s wrong with the guy who’s in that seat nearest the door, doodling, looking at his watch, and looking as if he only wants to leave? Well – nothing at all!  He’s an introvert, and if he had anything to say that he thought would be of value or end this meeting, he’d say it! But he is not going to talk just to hear the sound of his own voice or “one-up” the others in the meeting. He’s thinking about the topic, or when the extroverts start wandering off topic or even saying the same things over and over again, he is then a million miles away thinking of something else.  But he’s thinking, no matter what!

Over ten years ago I had an acquaintance I’d see in a group that went for drinks occasionally, had parties, etc. I knew her for years locally, and we even traded social visits. Then she moved over a thousand miles away and we started writing to each other. Soon she wrote something I found very strange. She told me, “All these years I never knew how funny and smart you are until we started writing to each other!” At the time, I was a very ingratiating person, so I responded with something like, “Thank you!” Nowadays, I’d more likely say, “And I find your personality much easier to take from 1200 miles away also!”  You see, I am an introvert. That doesn’t mean I hate people or that I am a “weird loner.” It means that although I find social interaction fun, it is draining to me, and my way to recharge is to be alone and read or surf the web or even just daydream while I do my housework.  Extroverts are the opposite and recharge by talking to others.  This great gap in understanding between innies and outties is almost as complete as that between men and women.  Twice this week I have heard references to introverts.  About a very quiet guy: “He’s not very smart, is he?” (Simply because he was quiet)!  And about another quiet guy: “I’m glad we don’t have someone with a good personality in that position because they’d feel isolated in that room.” 

I used to be so miserable in meetings that once people started saying the same things over and over again I’d start making lists of things I needed to do after work, draw pictures, or any other thing to take myself totally out of the room, mentally.    Now thank goodness I do have a great boss who is interesting and never lets things get boring.  Also, I go to meetings with a different mindset.   I go in sort of like someone going to a job interview –  ready to try to find out more, and also prepared to talk about what I’ve been doing.    My boss gives each of us a few minutes to talk about what we’re working on, and I used to just hit the extremely high spots – in 30 seconds or less.   🙂  But I noticed my colleagues go into great detail, so now I write a list, with details, ahead of time and refer to it when it’s my turn.   I may not interrupt people or repeat things over and over again, but this introvert is no one’s dummy, and everyone knows it!

Photo credit: ghindo

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51 Comments

  1. Again you’re spot on when it comes to introverts. It’s a real pleasure reading your blog. 🙂

    I’ve fallen victim to that far too often. Just because I don’t interrupt someone when they speak, or constantly boast about my accomplishments, talk loader than everyone else and continuously repeat myself; people think I’m not that bright. The main difference is that I prefer being polite, brief, sticking to the subject and think twice before I speak.

    That is one thing I’ve started to address to people who interrupt me when I speak, I tell them to stop doing it as it is extremely rude. If they can’t wait for me to finish, why bother talking to me?
    And I can’t help but laugh at people that constantly repeat themselves if they think you don’t get what they are saying or if you seem to disagree with them.
    Not to forget the annoying thing that they think you want to know everything about them and that you have to listen to them flap their lips. I’m sorry, if I want to learn something about you, I’ll ask. 🙂

    • Wow! Good comments. I hate it when people won’t let me finish talking either. I thought for years it was just me, but luckily with age and experience, I realized that most of the time, these people are not only no more intelligent than me, but are more interested in hearing themselves than listening. I have finally come to realize that they are to be “pitied” a bit. Many times they are extroverts, but very insecure, so they try to finish your thoughts or sentences to show how ” intellegent ” they are, but it is only a cover for their own insecurity.

  2. Thank you Xen! And – that sounds great you are able to address the interruption problem with people. It definitely is rude. I started to tell a group of extroverts something the other day that I really wanted them to hear the end – the end was important. I actually began by saying, “Now the end of this is important, so please let me finish once I start.” They looked so shocked and just stared at me while I told them the three little sentences I knew they wouldn’t have been able to resist interrupting. And by the second sentence, they DID look like they wanted to jump in but knew I’d told them to wait. 😀

  3. This reminds me of a church I used to attend. I was the quiet drummer in the ministry team, for about two years. The Pastor gave a great sermon one night, and it really touched me. I wrote to him in an email how it had effected me and what I thought about it. His wife came up to my wife, at the next service, and said, as a comment to my email, ” I didn’t know Sean was so deep.” It’s not that our pastor and his wife were dense, they had just never taken the time to talk to me directly. They spoke with the people who demanded their time and who just could not contain their thoughts, while I, being polite and an introvert, did not try to monopolize their time. It was totally their loss.
    Business meetings are exactly the same way. All of the extroverts are blurting out their ideas, covering the same ground over and over, vying to be heard. We introverts are listening to what is being said, not adding our voices to the same ideas that were covered over and over and over by the extroverts. We are consolidating our ideas and speaking when it is necessary.
    One thing I have noticed – extroverts love to shoot down the ideas of introverts. They agree whole heartedly with other extroverts, but seem to have to shoot at introverts when we speak up. I have learned to hold my ground and not back down. I have found that when they have nothing further to say against me, and when they shut up and have no more comments, I have brought my point home.

    • You know, my first reaction is I wouldn’t want everyone discussing an email I had meant for ONE PERSON. Especially coming back and talking to my own loved one about it as if I were a child! And the attention to the squeaky wheel is exactly what happens in my own church too. The people who talk the loudest and “heartiest” and push themselves forward are the ones who the ministers really know and appreciate. Great way to put it – “their loss.” 🙂 That’s right!

      Business meetings with extroverts who won’t give us a chance really make me mad. Good for you standing your ground! Yep – I never see a point in saying something that’s already been said, but those guys are getting a lot of mileage out of it! 🙂

  4. Repetition has always bothered me as well. I feel like my intelligence is being insulted as they clearly think I wasn’t able to grasp the concept the first 4 times it was said.
    I have a very difficult time in meetings because I need time to formulate my opinion and understand things fully before speaking. I always feel put on the spot and stupid.

    • Hi Sara, yes, I remember thinking when I was younger, “Why can’t I ‘think on my feet’ like so many other people can?” But I guess that’s one good thing about the fact that the extroverts say the SAME THING over and over at meetings. It gives us time to process what was said (the first time) and to think of something important that really needs to be said or asked. Welcome to Introvert Zone, and thanks for your comment!

  5. I’m a bit confused. I’ve never known any extrovert to think introverts are stupid. On the contrary in fact. I find them intriguing, and often times deep and mysterious. Personally I find extroverts to be unbearable a lot of the time. They come off as superficial (Even others who share my MBTI (Especially my type in fact…)) and not incredibly bright. I’m jealous of the introvert’s quietness on many subjects and being able to think before he says. I might just be an extroverted introvert, but I definitely don’t find myself as outgoing as the extrovert ideal. I hate repetition, and I can see your frustration on that, but I don’t think extroversion has anything to do with people thinking your unintelligent. Perhaps ignorance is truly the word?

    • Hi Waffle! Thanks for the comment. I’ve read that people who speak up in meetings are often considered more competent and knowledgeable, even if they’re just spouting stuff that’s already been said. 🙂 I appreciate that you understand that we are thinking! 🙂

  6. I am an introvert. In meetings or group situations where people are brainstorming and such, I might be quiet while I’m waiting for the rest of the group to get over socializing, repeating, and getting caught up on irrelevant issues. I’ve always felt that much meeting time gets wasted by people speaking for attention, not because they have anything worthwhile to say. I’m quiet because I tend to think acting as an example and not adding to the mess is the best thing I can do to help keep things moving forward. Telling most people to focus is usually over their heads and results in more mess. By the way, I don’t expect much to get done by most groups of people.

    I had the pleasure of hanging out with a circle of friends, (my then-boyfriend’s brother’s friends) who happened to be architects. They were articulate, didn’t repeat themselves, I don’t think even once, and best of all, when they spoke, it was actually to add something to the table. It renewed my faith in humanity.

    • Oh, that gives me a warm feeling too!

      And yes – I’ve tried being a good example, but some people would never see it or learn. Sometimes when a meeting that should have been over long ago is dragging on with people keep saying the same thing over and over, I’ll close my notebook, put my pen away, and think SURELY this is OVER…but no.. some folks just love the sound of their own voices!

  7. Thank you for putting it right on point!! So often are we misunderstood. Glad to have found this site. Kudos!

  8. I have come across a situation where I have been imo extremely insulted by someone that I was seeing at a point and time.
    He was an extravert… the extravert of all extraverts… full of stories and life.. very outgoing and very intelligent.

    I remember sitting one day in his car, daydreaming away out the window, not about anything specific that I can remember.. just recalling those feelings and thoughts, shifting here and there in my mind.
    Then he asked me what I was thinking about and I couldn’t answer him, I couldn’t use words to explain what I was thinking about… I felt stuck and stupid
    He then proceeded to list off all the things he was thinking of, random worldly things.. and still that only made me feel more stuck.

    Then he said it..

    “your very simple minded aren’t you”

    That was such a blow
    It made me completely question myself and my intelligence
    Its something that I have always worried about.. I have never wanted to come off boring or meek
    I don’t feel that way inside
    I feel like there is this whole other person living inside me, wanting to come out but is trapped behind this wall of … i don’t know.. i don’t know what stops her from coming out
    I feel that it’s unfair to be judged so harshly!
    I geuss the key is just to stay around people who accept and understand you…
    It’s definately been a constant struggle to be content but i figure everyone has their own struggles… this is mine

    ..just no more jerks haha

    • What an IGNORANT jerk! He’s like many of the possibly expensive but actually worthless objects we see around us in life: fascinating and seemingly wonderful on the outside, but what we see on the outside is ALL there IS! Amanda what you had going on in your head that day is the awesome thing that a lot of us introverts do. Yep, there’s no putting it into words, but maybe a painting might approach it someday. 🙂 Do you know your MBTI type? I’m INFJ, and I think the N is what really puts me out into daydream land a lot.

      How ’bout this – find some really deep, detailed information about your field or a field of interest to you, ahead of time. Then next time a superficial person asks what you could possibly be thinking about, tell them you were wondering about (and make it really full of big words… ) and talk about your topic for a second. 😉

      • cb
        haha
        thanks for your support
        And i completely agree that it’s totally something that only a painting could describe…
        feels good to have someone on my side!
        do i find out my MBTI through that Jung personality test online?
        i’ve done that before ( i have a new job as a receptionist and have been doing a lot of personal homework online cause i’ve got a lot of spare time on my hands, so why not use the time for self discovery? ) and found it very interesting and accurate.
        but i can’t quite remember what I was specifically, but I’ll take the test again

        that topic of interest tip is also a good idea haha.. and a possible conversation starter as well! better do my homework 🙂

  9. Hey cb and Amanda, I can relate to your story Amanda. I tend to start daydreaming, as well, especially when I am in the passenger in a car. My mind tends to wander from one thing to the next, making random connections, and it can be hard to put into words. Some introverts, more than others, have a difficult time articulating what they are feeling or thinking. As cb said, knowing MBTI type is helpful. I found out that I am an INFP, which really made a lot of sense. INFPs tend to have a difficult time expressing themselves and are also known as “The Dreamers” or the “Idealists”.

    When I was younger, the people I lived with tried to make me feel incompetent and tried to make me feel like a dunce just because of the way my mind worked and my behaviors were a bit different from theirs. It didn’t help that I was clueless when it came to finding things, and they used that quirk to try to justify how “simple” I was. Much later, when I started to learn about introversion and the different personality types, I finally realized that a lot of people have the same characteristics/personality traits that I do, and I’m not “simple” and I’m not a “dunce” just because of certain quirks/behaviors. But the people I grew up with would have led me to believe that I was so much “slower” than everyone else, when the truth of the matter was that they were the ones who were quite ignorant to a lot of things. They tend not to understand or better yet, don’t care to understand, anything that is not right there in front of them. They don’t try to make any meaningful, deep connections about much of anything. Everything is very shallow and superficial with them. They can be overbearing and overly critical about the slightest differences or percieved weaknesses that they see in other people, so at some point, I had to distance myself and not communicate with them as much as when I was younger and was forced to be around them.

    • Thats really unfortunate that you were treated that way, especially by the people who were suppose to be a support group.
      But I am glad to hear you have found yourself out a little more.
      I have always been told I was slow
      To my knowledge i never took it in a negative way tho
      i just thought, well .. thats the way I am
      I don’t feel slow, but, I am always the last to finish whatever it is that i’m doing.
      whether it be finishing a meal, reaction time.. whatever.. I’m gonna be the last one.

      a common phrase i enjoy is the classic “slow and steady wins the race!”
      I tell people that i’m slow, but i’m slow because i am thurough and do a good job”

      • Thanks, Amanda. Yeah, exactly, the people you grow up with are supposed to be a support group but what I have come to realize is that a lot of people don’t get the support while growing up and end up basically having to figure a lot of things out for themselves, so it’s a common occurence. That’s good that you never took the “slow” comment negatively. You recognized it for what it was and made it into a positive. I, on the other hand, became more self-conscious and had low self-esteem for a while, because of the negative comments. I have become a lot more confident in my twenties.

        I can be slow and thorough or fast depending on what I am doing. I hate to do housecleaning/organizing but if I am in the mood, I tend to go slow and I can be quite meticulous, but other times, I can be fast with what I am doing.

  10. so i took the test again
    and this time i got artisan composer
    last time i got idealist councillor

    haha… so this only adds to the confusion..

    maybe third time is a charm

    • Hey Amanda. When I first took the test, I got ISFP, as well, which is the Artisan/Composer. But since then, I retook the test a few times, and I always get INFP. The INFP profile fits my behavioral patterns a whole lot better. Im my opinion, I think that it is best to answer the questions according to how you behave on a regular, consistent basis and not based on the type of behavioral characteristics you would like to exhibit.

  11. Wow, thank you all for hitting this right on the money! It makes me feel more secure knowing there are a lot of people like me out there. I , too am an INFP, which makes it extremely hard to convey what I’m thinking, or what I’m feeling. I’m a Pisces as well, so i’m like, extra extra introverted.
    Starting in my teen years, I’ve been afraid to say anythingat the wrong time, or to the wrong person. There are verrryyy few people I feel comfortable around, and I agree with Amanda, I feel like there’s this whole ‘nother person inside me waiting to come out and shine. Sometimes I feel alone just because everyone that surrounds me seems to not really ‘get’ me on a deeper level. They must think I’m this shy, quiet girl that doesn’t know much because I just don’t really know how to explain my thinking. I FEEL intelligent, but those extroverts just interrupt me literally evert time I try to tell a story. It’s like, wow, do you really need to do that? Is the fact that you haven’t spoken in 10 seconds that terrible? Jeez they need to give us introverts a chance sometimes!
    I also have trouble starting, and fueling a conversation with somebody who is quiet like me. Because I feel with too many people, the sheer awkwardness when you’re in a room alone with a person. I don’t know if anyone else gets that way, but I’m constantly worrying about what to say, if they’re feeling awkward, what should I do, things like that. I’m very easygoing, I’m just a people pleaser and need to know whether the other person feels comfortable or not. Wow I’m just spilling my guts to you and I apologize, haha . I really needed to tell people who understand, about my situation. Thank you. 🙂

    • don’t appologize!
      i enjoy reading what you have to say cause it’s exactly how i feel
      feels good to have company!
      haha
      yeah it’s too bad it’s so difficult for us(introverts) to communicate with each other in person, cause i think we’d get along just fine! haha

      • What would be ideal, is if we introverts could communicate telepathically, transmitting our raw thoughts and ideas. I agree that words are just so limiting.

    • Wow, a lot of what you said is what I feel as an introvert. There are a few people I’m comfortable with. I just got my first job review and it was mediocre at best because I don’t contribute enough in meetings and talk at work in general. It’s just seems impossible to overcome, but I will definitely try. Like you, I don’t know what to say! I have quite a bit to say when “intelligent” conversations come up. But I can’t even think of an idea to improve the workplace in a meeting! And my boss telling me that I’m quiet makes me even more quiet and “scared” if you will because now I feel pressured to change. I feel like my true self is trapped, and it won’t come out. And don’t you hate it when those extroverts put you on the spotlight with a comment around others, and you don’t know how to respond? It’s a terrible feeling, but I just tend to laugh it off or keep quiet. Anyways, nice to find this site and seeing that I’m not alone.

  12. I hate being an introvert – sorry everyone, but I’m sick of it hindering me..
    I just got fired for not talking enough in meetings and not being gregarious or assertive..

    I can be all those things just not in large groups of people… Is there somneone we can see to get of this affliction and blockage…? Has anyone managede to overcome it?

  13. Yes, I have, and constantly am overcoming it. There is a very effective way to get off this “affliction and blockage”: it’s called growing up as a person. Without coming to terms with who you are, you are just going to be mediocre in life. Knowing how our mind works is the only way to make it work the way we want.
    First of all, be sure you are an introvert? Let’s face it, you could just be shy… If that’s not the case, then just understand that we introverts don’t work the way extroverts do. Understand it, accept it, get over it.
    Then, just use your strengths. You can’t play the extroverts game, for it’s a game where they have more talent, experience and, sure as hell, more fun. Be what you can be, no more, no less. Do your best, TRY to adapt to your coworkers personality, but there is a limit. Never force that limit, as it only brings frustration and a negative image of yourself. Instead, compensate what you can’t do well with what you do best.
    The most important thing is never, EVER consider your personality as a hindrance, but always as a TRAIT, something that makes you different, unique and therefore valuable.

  14. Tiago –
    Thanks for your kind words and support, I really appreciate it..
    But reality is that it is a disadvantage…. or everyone wouldn’t be whinging about it..
    Can you intoverts please tell me what jobs you do and if you’ve had much success?
    Anyone happen to be in marketing?
    It is a fact that our society idolises and celebrates extravert personalities… Us introverts, should all go live in the East, where passive personalities and behaviour are respected and valued.

    • Hi, Chloe

      I am in marketing for approximately 15 years now. I am an introvert and I am shy as well. I understand they are two different things. I have been fired for not being outgoing enough, not “communicating” well enough (code for I’m not outgoing enough). I’m lucky I found a job where I’m pretty much accepted for not being a gadfly. I do have tremendous difficulty speaking up in meetings. I try to say something, anything. Even if just to acknowledge the ideas of others and that seems to be good enough. Some extroverts are not satisfied with you being kind and giving the minimum. I understand that too. My dream is to get out of the 9 to 5 and freelance. I too can deal better one on one. So maybe that’s your answer? You may also have to fake it a little. It’s painful, but with practice you can learn to kick it up a notch at work with your voice and mannerisms. I learned that overtime. Essentially I am introvert at my desk, in public, and home alone.

    • I’m not sure if I want to go live in the East for the rest of my life because America deserves to tolerate introverts. After all, this is a free country. Therefore, everyone’s free to be introverted whenever they want.

  15. Introverts suck.
    Just kidding. I am heavily introverted (scored a 12/100 on an introversion-extroversion test, with 0 being total introvert and 100 being total extrovert… ’nuff said.) I also have a very high IQ, I have been told it’s 200+ but I believe it’s more like 166 as someone else told me. I like being an introvert because I flourish on my own. I also am pretty friendly when people talk to me, and I have made many friends at school despite my introversion. Not saying that extroversion is bad, but introversion is equally beneficial. Just my 2 cents.

    • Wrong way to be introverted. If you really are, then don’t make that joke about my fellow introverts ’cause that makes you sound like a traitor to them.

  16. I am both introvert and extrovert, at different time and situations, according the need 🙂 But once I’ve been extrovert, I need my quiet time to be introvert. Maybe because I am a Gemini? 🙂
    However, we are all people with different personalities and no one’s is superior. I have been rejected over a job interview recently because the guy (for 20 min interview) gave feedback that, he can;t imagine me doing the job because of my introversion. I could not stop laughing 🙂 In general, I do not feel the need to “show off” because I do know my real worth and abilities, and feel safer in “watch” than “attack”, and “attack” when is the right time and the right person. Unfortunately, some people just don;t get it 🙂
    It has nothing to do with introvert or extroversion I am trying to say, but about emotional intelligence and having the sense of other peoples needs.

  17. @bi : Great said brother. Even i am an half introvert and half extrovert. People of my kind of personality and also extroverts feel very much comfortable with me. Its requires more time for me to build bridge with complete or more introverts.

  18. There is this one fellow, who is an extrovert introvert who was so persistent and persevere getting under my skin! As a matter of fact, he was so good at it, he got what he was looking for. During our conversations via Messenger, he described me as “inaudible but readable” – meaning to say that he finds me talkative in a nonverbal description whereas I don’t talk much in person – in meetings especially! – hence, I am inaudible. And I can tell a whole novel in just a few minutes when I have to write or type them down – hence, readable! He’s the only person of the opposite sex who got this close and in depth with me to the point that I bother conversing with him on the phone. Our relationship is what I’ll call a stroll down the park with an “intellect buddy”. I guess he got this far simply because he had a good intention and the conversation was and still is going somewhere. Otherwise, I would not spend a minute talking to him. Boy, it sure is nice being an introvert! ; )

  19. Great post, really struck some chords with me. I was just randomly searching for a few items on the subject as I feel have become much more introverted over the last few years. It never occurred to me their would be a whole website dedicated to being introverted but its actually a great idea. Keep the good posts coming!

  20. Hi, Im an introvert too. Its very draining at times you just want to be alone with a book far far away from people. I do enjoy company of good close friends but not acquaintance, hate the awkwardness. And because I dont raise my voice and get interrupted alot when Im talking to staff, although I find that rather rude but I dont know how to point that out or dont respond much to my boss (cos he just goes on and on for 10 minutes when asked yes/no question), people dont think im on top of things or capable. why does my voice have to be very loud to be heard? i have to shout at staff to get respected? its really tiresome at work to go through this and just because i dont give my boss hourly updates he is saying im slow. but how do you update someone who everytime you update him will just start rambling? half your day is gone! dear god…

    really enjoyed this post, will keep coming! 🙂

    • Shari,

      That’s a tough one. What you could do is send him e-mail. Print out the e-mail for yourself. Go in to see him or phone him and read it off? I don’t know the exact situation of course, but I cc my manager on everything I do. Occasionally I pop in and ask her if she got it or if she has questions as applicable to the situation.

      Extroverts need to know you’re doing something and they need to see it and hear it to be convinced. It doesn’t have to be brilliant. You should practice at home speaking louder and interrupting these people. I’ve been doing that. My deal has been not contributing to discussions enough during meetings. I’m introverted and a little shy with a soft voice, but certainly not dumb or slow.

      I find if I can prepare a little before hand or get an agenda from somebody it helps. I also say a lot of that’s a good question, or good idea or I agree. Just to be talking. That way I’m seen to be part of things even when I don’t have anything earth-shattering to say. I have also used the extrovert trick of repeating what someone else already said in different words.

      You have to learn how to live in their world and get over the fear of interrupting or feeling like a phony by talking when you don’t have much to say. These things are actually acceptable and preferable to remaining dead silent. With your boss you are totally going to have to interrupt him. Like Boss, you’re making some great points but all I really need to know is- interject your point. If he goes on, so that’s a yes then? Thanks, and get out of there. I do this with my extroverted husband all the time, works like a charm.

  21. My grandfather always told me (and still tells me) that I am a dark horse, the unknown racehorse who rises to glory when least expected, outrunning all the best horses in the race. I think this is probably the best example of an introvert. They don’t seem like much, and how could they? They’re not popular, they hardly ever talk! But they have no idea that one day, no matter how many jobs we were denied because of our “undesirable” nature, we will be the champions when they least expect it. They are so busy talking, trying to stay connected, and trying to rise in position that they never realize that we, the true introverts, are more content with out lives.

  22. I love this! My boss recently told me to stop being introverted, as if I can just change my personality overnight. The thing is, I feel the exact same way in meetings. My boss uses the phrase “Like I said…” over and over and over and interrupts everyone often. I think instead of criticizing me for being quiet, he might want to take a few pointers from my introverted personality and realize just because he’s talking, doesn’t mean he’s really saying anything.

    • Cali,

      I am a 52 year old black woman who has been an introvert all her life. I had the same thing to happen to me just a month ago from a women who is a contractor on my job, but who have been given the title to be my superior. She is person who likes to bully and intimidate people. She is an extrovert who just talks to be talking because she wants to make people think shes know what she is talking about. She is rude, she cuts people off when talking. She has even go as far as putting her hands in people face to tell them stop and be quiet. Another reason she does this is because she is a contractor and she wants continue to show the management that she is needed.

      Well, in a meeting where I am giving a status of the project I am working she starts throwing out questions to try to embarrass me in front of our Director. The questions were information that we had discussed in a previous meeting so she knew the answers and the Director also. Individuals who work with me have stated that she talks to me hateful than others on our team. They will ask me if I’m alright after she says demeaning things to me and I would reply with yes I’m okay. I realized that this lady had some issues. To make herself feel better she would target me or others who were quiet who respected her and was kind to her the most. Everyone else would run to the director and tell on her. I did not because I accepted for who she was and I could see through the insecurities she had. Besides it did not do any good, director needed her. He was new and did not know what he was doing and depended on her to walk him through everything.

      I never did not retaliate with unkind words to her because when she would say things to me, I basically tuned her out or would be thinking how I would respond. When she attempted to throw me under the bus to the director by telling me I need to more like three other individuals on the team and granted these individuals were no smarter, they just talked a lot. That really got to me. I was working on a project that was very difficult. It almost like she wanted to blame me for the project going south which it was not. I went back to my desk and I thought about what she said and how she attempted to blind side me. I said to myself enough is enough. I marched into her office and shut her door. I told her I am 52 year old woman, I am not like the others on the team who run and tell the boss on her like they are in the middle school. I am a grown woman and grown enough to tell her to your face how I feel and what I think. First, I told her I did not appreciate how she spoke to me in the meeting. Then I told her do not ever compare me to anyone else on the team again. I am who I am and if you don’t like it, tough. Then she asked me if she said in front of the Director, I replied yes you did and I did not appreciate that also. Basically I told don’t do it again. I told her she will respect me and talk to me as an adult, not a child. Her eyes bugged out and since then has not talked to me that way again. By the way the way, how I said it was not in harshness but with assertiveness in a professional manner.

      I am a Christian, and what I have found in my lifetime that the Lord made me this way so that I can see things with more clarity. I did not like it most of my life, but I had to accept me. My husband is an extrovert. He is a Christian also, but sometimes his view is not as clear on issues especially when it comes to dealing with people. He is more black and white on things. Where as things are not black and white, but are more complex. This is where my view comes in along with the word of God and my husband receives it and thanks me for providing another view point. It does not mean his view is not right. We compliment each other in our walk with the Lord. My introversion gives me a deep love for him and others. His extroversion gives him a voice to speak up to defend individuals and let people know that they are loved. People are comfortable to open up to him and receive wisdom that he has. He did not have this liberty during his upbringing.

      Even in the church we use to attend, I was treated pretty badly and extroversion provided my husband the voice to speak to that Pastor. He told him was not going to treat me with disrespect and told him we were leaving the church. Which was one of the best decisions we have made.

      What I have learned is to accept and love how God has made me. People even those who claims that they are suppose to love and accept everyone do always accept you. I had to accept that I am unique in the Lord eyes. I am not anybody else and He does not expect me to be and I should not expect myself to be. People still treat me certain ways. Some think I am stuck up because they don’t understand me. But that is okay, because there are so many people the Lord has brought into my life that do appreciate my uniqueness and value my thoughts. They see the creativity and deep thought and see it as a blessing. Many compliment me and see things in me that I have not even seen even at this age. This helps me not to change who I am, but to continue to embrace who I am and see all the Lord has placed in me. I am assertive when I need to be and I am observant when I need to be. Life is great! In my middle age and later years if Lord allows me, I want to live my life to the fullest and this is what I am trying to do everyday. Be blessed.

  23. Pingback: how do i change to be more extrovert? - Page 3 - www.hardwarezone.com.sg

  24. The behavior of extroverts is understandable; I mean, we don’t act like they do. It is Human Nature to think everything should be the way that you want it to be. That said it does really get on my nerves when, just because I don’t talk that loud, I say something, and then someone else says the EXACT same thing and gets the credit for it.

  25. I am not really talkative as it
    may appear; the contrary,
    and withdrawn also.
    in college, they used to say I
    am proud, arrogant and I am
    too ‘intelligent’ to have
    anything to talk with ‘regular’
    people about. I was so hurt
    that I started talking just
    aimlessly to fit in, when deep
    within I am dying to see us
    part so I can find my peace in
    silence and solitude. I prefer
    thinking, daydreaming,
    remembering and looking
    into life and how people
    handle issues.
    I am lonely when people are
    around, (but pleased when
    alone.) This is because I never
    know what’s on a person’s
    mind, nor how to approach
    them or start a conversation
    in a way their way. it is even
    hard to know their type of
    topics of talk. Most extroverts
    ignore this and only assume
    everyone else is on the same
    wavelength as them.
    introverts go through alot of
    pain in such cases. and worst
    is trying to force a
    conversation and being
    ignorant to noticing their
    attempts (in a polite way) that
    they prefer to be quite.
    I think the world will be
    better if all talkative people
    can use one day to read
    about non-talkative people,
    understand them and stop
    drawing unintended
    impressions and conclusions.
    some things are not easy to
    change if possible at all.
    humans learning to contain
    each other is a pretty good
    solution.

  26. Pingback: Introverts in Meetings | Leadership Savvy

  27. Really loving all the comments you all posted : ) .Well my life is full of ups and downs an turn arounds.15 years old by the way, I love waking up everyday and going to school, but hate being judged based on my apperence or behavior. I mean it happens in life but it’s when people do it for the wrong reasons that bothers me.As an introvert im fascinated in thinking and daydreaming making little movies in my head an perfect little worlds an my interest in world history an the world..I’ve never been able to fit in the popular groups, the things they do an say makes me want to puke.During the day someone would ramdomly ask me if im ok or is there something wrong with me because im not talking( in a sense of something being abnormal about me) an im like theres nothing wrong, im usualy happy in my days..In other words its like stealing the feathers off a bird an telling it to fly.I’m open minded towards everything everyone.Its also difficult to say whats on my mind unless written becuase i cannot think while speaking, get my picture? Theres this unreadable feeling that comes dealing with arrogant people, i mean everyone is great and talented an beautiful but is what arrogants say to credit themselves or hurt others or to heal.Any body is capable of anything and never let the world get you down only turn negatives into wisdom and energy thats my mindset. I wish my comment could of been as good as everyones on here lol.

  28. Okay my first comment is kind of mismatched but heres my point.Introvertes tend to be more open minded and intellectual, but the problem is that the inner character of us intos is crumbling in a dark corner trying to find a way out.What we intros need to do is prosper ourselves, becuase we sometimes dont agree with the winning sides and we stand out alone as a one man army.Joining the winning sides wont make us feel any better infact they make us feel worser than our usual position.Hear me!!! Standing out in the open an standing your ground with full authority shows that you are not playing finish to the top first.When extros see you’re a one man army they’ll know you have authority but will not say anything.We intros can read what extros are thinking we can read they’re characteristics, be careful becuase extros will test your strength, just give them the *u mean buisness an use ur fucking common sense look* Stand your ground!!! You dont need to be extrovert, you need to be HARD with a nice personality.The comments above are really helpful, great!! Everyone!! 🙂

  29. Your blog captures the essence of what introverts go through in their personal and professional lives when they are forced to conform in an extrovert majority world. It is even harder for people like me who are introverted women. We tend to attract the labels of “weird” or “freak” like moths to a flame. I am beginning to reconcile to the fact that introverts cannot be “changed” or “converted” into extroverts by our more extroverted peers who claim to have the best of intentions towards us.

    If the chasm of understanding between introverts and extroverts were to be narrowed, extroverts (who are the majority) would stop misjudging us and be able to draw the very best from their relationships with us and vice versa. The first thing that extroverts should understand is that introverts are not being rude, stuck-up or anti-social when they are silent. It just means that they’re a little uncomfortable being in the spotlight in a social situation and need space and time to recoup. Introverts need to take advantage of situations wherein extroverts intentionally draw them in and encourage them to participate.

  30. This blog is great. It gives us introverts a better understanding of who we are as individuals. As a child people thought I was weird. My family thought I was weird. I love to read books, love history, I had a vivid imagination. Even my dreams are very vivid and detailed. As a child I was very creative and loved writing stories. I am a researcher and deep thinker. I day dreamed a lot about what I could do and what I could be. I was bullied all through school. And now sometimes an adult, people attempt to bully, ignore and walk over me. Because I wanted to fit in so bad when I was a teen, I would do things that were damaging to myself and self-esteem to please people. I found out even when I did those things, people even family members still did not accept me. Even now, people don’t know how to take me. It is rare to find friends who really understand my personality. But I do have many who do.

    Recently, I attended a going away luncheon for a friend who was transitioning to a new job. To add excitement to the luncheon, she invited all attendees to play a trivia game. As she asked the questions, a lot of the answers I knew. I would blurt them out and was ignored. One question she asked was “Which war was Florence Nightingale known for participating in? No one knew the answer. I did, so I answered the Crimean War. My friend looked at me like I crazy and kept asking the question and I kept repeating the answer. She did not accept it and kept waiting for anyone else besides me to answer. Her assumption was I did not know what I was saying. When she showed the answer and it was correct, she asked how did you know that? A person who does not know that well answered before I could and said because she knows history. I am so glad they answered. You know why? I have had to explain myself all my life and frankly at 52, I am sick and tired of explaining myself. And now I don’t even try. As long as my immediate family which they do love and accept me for who I am that’s all that matter. I am not going to try to get an extrovert to understand me because they can’t because of who they are. And I don’t try to understand extroverts, I can’t because of who I am. Stay true to yourself. Speak up when appropriate and be quiet and observant as appropriate. Being an introvert has hurt in some areas of my career, oh well maybe that just wasn’t the job for me. As you get older and wiser, you start to learn what you think is so serious, is just not that serious. I am living my life to attempt to do all the things that I did not do in my younger years. I am a in a singing group where I lead praise and worship music. I play the piano. I work in the computer field which I love. I write devotionals and songs. I speak at conferences for domestic violence where my voice is heard and not ignored. I speak to young women about life choices and how to make them better.

    Introverts are not unintelligent and as many have said, we process thoughts differently and sometimes we can’t express our thoughts as fluently as others. I am completing my Masters in Computer Information Systems with a Concentration in Computer Security Management in December. My grade point average is a 3.88 and because is that high, I was able to participate in the graduation ceremony in August without completing my last course. I also have been inducted into two college academic honor society at 52 year old. The work is very hard and it has not been easy for me, but anything worth doing isn’t going to be easy. Achieving my degree just assured me that whatever anyone says about intelligence and me is not true. It is my responsibility to believe in myself and carry on with my life. One of my goals for next year is to self publish a book. I have been approached by a individual that is going to help me go through this process.

    What is funny is that those particularly in my family who thought I was not that bright will try to convince me not to do things because they don’t have the confidence fulfill their dreams. They will say negative things. That doesn’t stop me. Those who don’t understand introverts see it as a weakness, when actually it is something that God gave us as a strength. Case in point, I attended a church that was going in the direction of a cult. Because of my introversion, I used my ability to think things through. I questioned a lot that was said and taught. Where others were afraid, to question I did. Things I believe did not line up with the bible, I researched and found what was said was not true. That and other things led my husband and I to leave the church. So embrace our introversion. See it as a strength. A lot of time we can see between the lines when others can’t. And we really don’t care what people think of us. This is a gift that God has bestowed on us to keep us going and living a life of joy, love, peace and happiness. Have a wonderful day. Peace and blessings in your introversion.

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