Extrovert wife’s drama is exhausting to introvert


Dear IntrovertZone,

My wife was out of town for work for six weeks. While she was gone, we talked on the pbone twice a day, and not for a very long time as she understands that long phone calls are exhausting for me. Having been together for 7 years, i found the time apart somewhat reenergizing. My wife is now between jobs and having not been around me for 6 weekz, it seems like she’s trying to catch up on lost talking time. One trait that she’s developed since coming back, or at least using much more often is to say things with alarm in her voice when there is no alarm. This is really starting to put me on edge, because every night I come running thinking one of our dogs is ill or inured and it’s nothing. I have tried to explain how unsettling this is for me but am not finding the right words. Any suggestions?

Photo credit: macahanc6r



  1. encourage her to talk to her girl friends (or other friends who may be women who love to talk on the phone as much as she does). it’s not your problem to absorb your wife’s behavioral issues. but you can help her to deal with it effectively. and if she doesn’t have any other girl friends then encourage her to make some. she is an extrovert. she should have no problem making friends.

  2. Dialogue is essential. But for introverts to be a decisive person is very hard, and try to say something serious is almost impossible. But you should advise her to talk to their friends, and instructs her to consult a psychologist. Conversation is the key to any solution of problems.

  3. its very difficult to understand introvert people, because they don’t show their feeling, but I agree with wedding Favors, the extroverted side of the question needs to know about the problem.

  4. It is difficult understand her situation but a good communication with her will surely make the things clear. Tell her to explain you what difficulty she is facing and what is the reason that she is behaving like this. May there be some outcome. Best of luck that the situation is resolved.
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  5. You have to talk to your wife. I’ve been married to an introvert for about 10years, and sometimes it is really hard but now I already can handle him. I your wife understands your needs, she will be patient.
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  6. Don’t be offended, but I’ve noticed my three-year-old doing the same thing! He’ll freak out over nothing “Where’s my water cup!” at the table, when if he had just asked in a normal tone I’d have put it within his reach. What I realized is that I had conditioned him to this. He realized that I’d react more quickly if he sounded upset. So ask yourself this – have you been as responsive to your wife as you should be since she got back? Is she using the alarmed tone of voice because it’s the only way she can get your attention? She might be just as frustrated with this as you are. Talk with her and tell her how she’s worrying you to death, and make sure she understands how to get your attention without acting like the house is burning down. And you’ll need to commit to responding to her immediately when she does it the right way. Hopefully she’ll be open to working on it and your communication will improve.

  7. I am not by all means married but your relationship seem to be very similar to my grandparents. My grandma is….uh…vocial (to put it politely) and my grandpa is quiet. From watching them its funny the way my grandpa simply just ignores her when she is talking. I guess that come years of marriage. True story.
    back to your problem: like in all relationship, tell her your thoughts. You can work out your problem from there and find a solution that will suit you both.

  8. Annie-the-Ambivert on

    Clearly, something happened during her 6-wk absence. Sounds like your wife is under stress, but why? Perhaps she is making up for lost time with you. Perhaps she became used to taking care of only herself and figured if you can take care of the dog(s) when she’s not around, you can do it when she is home, too – especially if you’re avoiding her (you did say you “come running” to find out why her voice sounds so urgent, which tells me that you’re not even in the same room with your wife). Perhaps she is wondering if you love her and is subconsciously testing you. Perhaps she is really worried about whatever – if she sounds alarmed, she probably is. She was gone for 6 wks, right? Or it could be something much more serious, and it’s manifesting itself in that fashion.

    The thing is…Her problem is NOT only her problem; to possess that mindset – well, that’s the typical selfish attitude of the modern culture and, I’m sorry to say, of one too many introverts. I suspect you are tempted to selfishness, because you did not use your introspective ways to figure out what is wrong – you are only concerned about your own comfort and finding a way to get her to stop calling you with alarm in her voice.

    You two are a married couple – a partnership that you entered of your own free will. You have a *duty* to help her and hopefully, that duty is accomplished with love. When she is experiencing a legitimate problem, or is having a bad day or bad week, or suddenly shows a change in attitude or behavior, sit up and pay attention and find out what is wrong and how you can help.

    You need to understand that your mutual married life is not about *you* and *your* introvert preferences. it’s about the mutual good of the spouses and of the children you may have. Love puts the other person first and it is proven by deeds.

    Please don’t use your introvert traits as an excuse to be selfish. That’s right, too many introverts do just that, but introversion is only an excuse and not a reason.

  9. All I could advice to you is you must talk to your wife about your problem because she is your wife and she has the right to know the things you like and you don’t like. For sure your wife would understand you because she loves you whatever you are. If you talk to her about your problem, for sure both of you could find a good solution. So, you must tell it to your wife.
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  10. Great post. Thanks for sharing this. This is very useful to us about what are mostly consequences that introvert and extrovert couple. I think you may need to talk one on one to your wife. That is the only solution to your problem.
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  11. I’ve noticed that some extroverts close to me start resorting to trying to get emotional reactions from me. I think they do it to try to pull me into their world. It just gets more annoying when they do that, because it feels so manipulative and I can’t stand to be manipulated.

  12. Hello my family member! I wish to say that this post is awesome, nice written and come with approximately all important infos. I would like to look extra posts like this .
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