This is a guest post from Nick Laborde over at www.thethriveblog.com, where he writes about personal development in a fun and not so serious way.
Before I divulge my secret sneak attack approach, you have to promise not to tell anyone. Oh yeah, this secret doesn’t involve hiding behind any bushes or carrying any bats. The law tends to look down on that sort of thing. Now that we have the legal stuff out of the way, let’s get to it.
Dating an introvert may seem difficult, for an extrovert or an introvert. Maybe, just maybe…it’s getting them to go out on the date in the first place. Introverts, by definition, are not outgoing party people. So getting them out the door isn’t always easy, or is it? That all depends on your approach (this is where the big secret comes in).
For many people, it’s difficult to ask a person out, introvert or not. Knowing that your flame would rather stay home alone than socialize with you is quite a hurdle.
Are you ready, here it is…
The big super secret trick is to make your request for a date so unlike a date, that they don’t see it coming (hence, the sneak attack).
Many introverts spend their time alone perfecting something – a craft, a hobby, their mind, or their body. By asking them about what they do, you may inadvertently walk right into an invitation into their life. If your future date is an avid mountain biker, ask them to take you for a ride. If they enjoy running, ask them to take a look at your stride, or help you train for an event. As an added bonus… you won’t have any trouble getting them to talk, after all this is their passion.
Turning the introvert’s pastime into a shared event is a sure way to build a strong friendship, and eventually, a relationship. Plus it also helps to break the ice on the first date. Activities are always better than boring dinner dates anyways.
However, once the sparks start flying, you may find that your need for socialization is quite different. An introvert may be quite happy staying at home every night of the week, while you may want to see a movie, go to the mall, or hang out with friends. It is important that early on in your relationship, boundaries are identified, expectations are set, and compromises, however small, are established. You may be able to get an introvert out on the town once in awhile, but attempting to change that person will only bring you heartache. Remember the person you first met – that was the person you wanted to be with, right. Don’t change them or try to (it’s a lost cause).
There’s the big secret attack approach, easy right. I told you that there wouldn’t be any bushes or bats involved.
Do you have any secret attack ideas? Be sure to share them… let’s just keep it legal.
Additional reading:
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I totally agree with you – This is a good post. I have dated many introverts. You don’t have to ask them out straight away just befriend them and they open up in no time. Once you get to know people sometimes you can be in for a suprise!!
Nick that was such a delightful post, and it really does show the best way to get to know an introvert and possibly get very close to him/her.
Some great ideas! Thanks for sharing NICK.
Thanks for the great feedback. I touched on this briefly in this post, as we know introverts are not exactly into small town. Talk about their passion and you won’t have any awkward conversation. In fact you probably won’t be able to shut them up…I know that from experience. That person that you thought was shy, was in reality the total opposite. You just have to know how to get into their world.
I never thought about this before, but that is the perfect way to get to know an introvert. As an introvert, I am always turning down invites to go somewhere, but if someone ask me to teach them how to throw a pot on the wheel, or give a demo or volunteer to teach kids crafts, I’m totally there.
@Julie, You brought up something I didn’t think about, volunteering. That’s a great way to meet people with out the dreaded small talk. You already have something to talk about.
Plus, you know that they are not totally selfish, they’re volunteering. Unless they’ve fractured some law and are doing community service.
Dear Nick,
I dated an introvert and now we are friends as he cannot take things to the next level. Plus it is a long distance relationship. They are not a very talkative people on the phone nor via email.
Any suggestions?
Brenda – I’ll let Nick know he has a question!
Great article!!! I have always abhored dating and tended to avoid it, much to the dismay of friends and family. If I see it coming, I tend to panic and run or go along but still be all angsty and uncomfortable. Neither is effective. The sneak-attack describes *perfectly* my ideal situation. I’m so excited to have this vague unease put into words. Thank you!
I thought Nick did a wonderful job on this post too! The sneak attack approach is so much more comfortable and natural than the usual ways we approach dating – small talk, stilted phone conversations, and games with unknown rules.
as an introvert i often find myself wanting to stay home by my self on the weekends, but I do enjoy going out. It is just hard to motivate myself to do it on my own. If I have some one pushing me like a friend of significant other, it becomes much easier and enjoyable.
True – as long as they understand us and realize that going out doesn’t have to mean a terrible marathon of one thing after another that goes on ‘way past the point of enjoyment
a significant other or friend can really help to make sure we don’t get too isolated out of sheer inertia. 
{ 2 trackbacks }