Introvert Zone » Family/Social

Introvert fades into background

IntrovertZone — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:37:04 +0000

Dear IntrovertZone,

I am probably the most extreme as far as an introvert. I will go out of my way to not have to initiate a conversation. I feel that the biggest reason for me being an introvert is because I have been shunned by people and have been hurt too many times. An example: At work people around me would talk about an evening out. They would ask me if I would like to join then and I would say “sure”. They would then promise to give me more info. later and that info would never come and I would later find out that the event had already taken place. They would then appologize for forgetting about me.

My other problem is that my husband is the complete opposite. He loves to initiate conversation, he loves being around people and being the centre of attention. We are together all the time and I tend to just let him do all the talking since people enjoy listening to him. Beside him I seem very boring. I only have a handfull of friends. They are people that I have met when I was younger. I haven’t met any new friends since being married (22 yrs). My husband on the other hand knows people everywhere he goes. I just find I don’t know what to say or what to ask. I don’t want to be like my husband. I would like to just feel more comfortable in having a normal conversation and not feel like a geek. I seem like a geek to others because I am nervous and clumsy around large groups.

Photo credit: bigcityal

Introvert thinks and reflects so much it’s keeping him from relaxing and being himself with others

When extroverts put words in your mouth

IntrovertZone — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 02:02:45 +0000

Dear Introvert Zone,

Have you ever run into the problem where extroverts “push you around” with what you may be thinking when your still thinking. For instance — if they ask you if you like the red or the blue shirt and then shortly exclaim (or carry on a small conversation) that you probably like the blue one and walk off making the decision for you instead of letting you hash out the two options in your head. Is there a term for this? Is there a way to stop them from projecting decisions onto you in this manner? I seem to attract many extroverts that are keen in doing this when I want to be silent or need to think on the question they asked.

Thanks in advance.

Photo credit: tofslie

Love between two introverts?

IntrovertZone — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 19:14:19 +0000

Dear IntrovertZone,

I was wondering if an introvert and an introvert could have a good loving relationship? Or will a relationship for an introvert only work with an extrovert? My therapist tells me introvert/introvert relationships will never work. It’s a stuck relationship. But my gut feels strongly against it. Any advice?

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Introvert with social phobia is sad that she’s missing out

IntrovertZone — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:41:09 +0000

Dear Introvert Zone,

I have a bigger problem than just being introverted, I suffer from a moderate social phobia as well. And to top it all I have a learning disability. This has caused me to become isolated. And at 52 years I still live with my mother, which drives me up the wall. For she suffers from social phobia and relies on me to help her. I have no friends and never ever dated in my life. I see others with partners and feel so left out. A couple of years ago I managed to go to my cousins daughters wedding, It made me feel so sad that she had found someone and here I was an old woman with no body to love or be loved.

Signed,
Lonely heart at 52

Photo credit: J D Hancock

Introverted student often at loose ends on weekends

IntrovertZone — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 15:40:01 +0000

I used to be extremely introverted but then I went to boarding school. I am doing much better socially, but I count on structure too much and can’t create my own social opportunities. I have plenty of social opportunities during the week already, but on the weekends it’s really hard and I have no idea what to do and I get so depressed. I’ve signed up for events, but if none of my friends are going everyone goes off in their own groups and I’m stuck by myself. Everyone usually stays on campus, so I can’t really make plans to go with someone. And since everyone else is socializing, they’re out of their rooms and I don’t know where they are. And since people are around each other 24/7, no one makes plans to just hang out days before hand. I would really appreciate some detailed advice. I’d appreciate anything.

Photo credit: the Italian Voice

Introvert has tried everything to tell boyfriend she needs time to herself!

IntrovertZone — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 19:48:04 +0000

Dear IntrovertZone,

I am an introvert girl and I’m currently dating an ambivert guy. We’ve been good friends and have quite a lot in common. However, I’ve had a very hard time explaining to him that I really need time to myself. I’ve spoken to him quite thoroughly over the array of wonders that my ‘recharge’ time does for me. I’ve also explicitly explained that my alone time does not translate into “I don’t care about you.”

To him, showing that you care for someone is shown by spending time with them. I’ve tried multiple things at least once, ranging from bringing a book or my laptop to our outings, to taking 2 hour naps at his house, calling and texting him as much as I can, and even sacrificing study time or time spent with my family to ready myself with an evening with him.

I’ve read much of the advice on here and usually the ‘extrovert’ half of the couple has other activities they can pre-occupy themselves with while their introvert partner rests… but the things is: I -am- my partner’s activity. He has cleared out nearly his entire life to make time for me. He literally waits for me at his house after work for me to call and say whether I’m coming over or not, to which I’ve rarely said that I’m not. I’ve told him that he didn’t have to give up his friends or hobbies for me, but he insists that I’m his “number one priority”. Maybe girls are supposed to be flattered by this, but I don’t know if he realizes how much pressure this actually puts on me. He has also said that he has become emotionally dependent on my presence. If I don’t see him, his day is shot.

I like everything we do. He’s brought me out of my shell in a lot of ways. I also know that he truly cares for me. But this one thing has been an issue for me ever since we first began dating four months ago. If I want to go home, he thinks that something is wrong, no matter how I might reassure him that nothing is wrong.

Please help me shed some light on this situation. This has become a near daily issue for us. I’ve tried my best to stretch myself as far as I can manage and then some, but I’m afraid that I’ll snap if I go any further.

Photo credit: Leland Francisco

Introverted boyfriend is breaking her heart

IntrovertZone — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 15:39:42 +0000

Dear Introvert Zone,

I an just about at my wits end…
I am an extrovert, though I have some pretty introverted tendencies. The man I started dating 3.5 months ago is an introvert…. so I guess you already know why I’m writing this.

I am SO confused, really it’s to the point it has moved me to tears; this guy is great, amazingly great I have known him for 20 years and we just recently sort of started dating. I guess were dating… not like he’d ever say anything to that effect… he has me around often, we have sex when he doesn’t just want to cuddle quietly… he tells me “you’re lovely” or “you’re sweet” about 10 times a day, though he is usually very formal with me; he always addresses me by name, which you wouldn’t think would be a big deal right? but IT IS! its weird!
I knew I was falling for this guy, nearly immediately; he truly is a good catch… about 2 months in we had the “introvert talk” because I was feeling insecure. he was very upfront, and matter of fact about everything (which i did my best to understand) it’s just this guy is UNemotional… ALL THE TIME. he shows my dog more of his soft side than he shows me…
I have tried and tried to be conscious of my extroverted side and not be too in his face… sometimes I even bite my lips to keep myself from blabbering too much.
I’m compromising as best I can, but it seems to me that he isn’t making the same efforts.
last night was like a kick in the gut. he’d been gone for more than a week to a work conference… though I tried not to, I found myself getting very excited anticipating his arrival. he “permitted me” to pick him up from the airport. I got lost on the way to the airport and in the airport parking garage… I panicked that I would miss him coming from the gate, I ran as fast as I could to make it. he wasn’t there. I recieved a text from him saying he was at a different one… so I took off running again– the anticipation by this point was killing me– I turned a corner ( and though I wasn’t wearing my glasses, I could make out his red hair) my smile was huge, as I nearly tripped into his arms.
he laughed, gave me a half hug, addressed me by my full name and motioned to the escalator.
W. T. F.???
I sucked it up, and walked to the car with him, the whole way home in his adorable awkwardness he told me story, after story of his trip.
when we arrived he gave me a kiss and said he’d talk to me soon, I think he could sense (amazingly) that he kind of hurt my feelings, so he said maybe tomorrow??
I nodded.
I shuffled home after dropping off the car and noted he had left me his obligatory good night message.
which, as usual, just said sleep sweetly.
I ignored it.
he wrote me his usual formal good morning text as well… I did end up responding to that… but I tried to echo his formality as much as possible.
what the hell am I supposed to do here?
I don’t understand this?
I don’t mind taking it slow, but this is getting crazy!
it’s as if I’m not even there.
is this how it’s going to be?? I finally meet a man who lives a parallel life to mine, enjoys everything I do, is handsome, and sweet… but who just doesn’t show me any kind of interest whatsoever?
I’ve met two of his friend once (they are a couple), there are also awkward and quiet… and the only reason I had the opportunity to meet them was because the were moving very soon, and I thought it would be nice to see if theyd like to come and have me cook for them for thanksgiving so the could have a nice dinner together… otherwise, he has kept me from any social situation as if I have the plauge.
this sucks! what I find super frustrating as well it that I’ve seen pictures…. hundreds of pictures… where he is smiling, being silly, laughing and carrying on with friends or an old girlfriend… I try not to compare myself… but it’s hard, what’s wrong with me?
truly nothing, I know. I am a perfect girlfriend, I pride myself on saying that too. I am very, very pretty, sexual, well put together, funny, insanely thoughtful, nurturing… every boyfriend I’ve had in the past remains a friend to this day, and most of my relationships have dissolved due to crazy schedules, distance etc.
I am well-versed in “players” this guy is, without a shadow of a doubt, not a player.
please, PLEASE give me some insight into how to better handle/deal with this situation.
i joke with him all the time that he needs to take it easy on me, because I only have my introvert training wheels on…. well I think one has fallen off, and I’m about to bite the dust…

Emmy.

Photo credit: marc falardeau

Reader wonders how to become friends with an introvert

IntrovertZone — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 19:58:46 +0000

Dear Introvert Zone,

First of all, thak you for all posts here. They have opened my eyes and helped me understand so many things which did not make sense in the past.

I would like to befriend someone but it’s been difficult getting through. Based on posts here it seems he in an introvert. My question is, should ask him if he is an introvert? I would not want to be blunt.
I want to let him that I know understand some of his reactions and I will try to be more respectful of his personal space.
Another question, he seems not to notice beautiful women (nor men) at all. Is that another trait?

I am so excited about your replies.

Thank you

Photo credit: neversaynunca

Introverted mother with extroverted son!

IntrovertZone — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 16:38:18 +0000

Dear Introvert Zone,

I am an introvert with some extroverted tendencies. I have a two and half year old son who is very extroverted. He loves going to creche and being with other kids all day, then comes home and talks and talks. It’s awesome that he talks so much and likes to converse with me, but I get to a point where I have had a big day of teaching and dealing with co-workers and then to have to talk to the husband, by the time I get 5 minutes with my little man I am exhausted and sometimes I am not very patient. How do other parents deal with their extroverted children without going insane from being drained?

Photo credit: Elizabeth/Table4Five

Introvert withdraws, partner can’t reach her

IntrovertZone — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 01:17:02 +0000

Dear Introvert Zone,

The situation is as follows. We were both in straight marriages and are both moms.
We left our marriages and chose this life together.
After the initial chemical of being in love became less prevalent she began to “withdraw”.
Finding out not long ago that she is an introvert by nature and her withdrawal was not away from me but more so it’s her nature. With knowing this about herself there are many events in her life that make more sense, events prior to me.

According to the Meyer-Briggs I am a INFP. And the 3 times I have taken it have had generally the same result. I also have some co-dependency traits that I didn’t know until recent and am addressing them the best I can at this moment.

She is pretty much done and meets everything I try or try not to do with anger. She feels incredibly guilty for leaving her marriage, it was easy there, and normal. We live in an incredibly religious and possibly homophobic area, and she’s dealing with her teenage son who just wants her to be “normal”. She appears to hate me. I know that common for E’s to “feel” that about I’s, but really, she can’t stand being around me. She says I have damaged her introversion and wishes she could go back to her life before. She was less challenged and there was less stress.

I’m pulling at straws…
If you can give me some insight into this I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks.

Photo credit: eflon