The last “essay” question on the introverted student survey got some great answers straight from introverts who are currently students or who remember what worked for them when they were students. I’m giving you their exact words, and I hope that one or more of the answers will be what you’re looking for to make life a bit better! For those of you who are already finished with school, these answers look like good advice for introverts working at an office, surviving in social and family circles, or really doing anything at all that involves other people. Here’s the question and a representative sample of the respondents’ answers:
If you’ve discovered some ways to make life as an introverted student easier, would you please share them?
Natalia – college: The homework excuse always works for me to get some time alone from my family, friends and my partner.
Emmanuel – college: I find that meditation helps me greatly, because it eases my anxiety and gives me time to think, which I LOVE. Like the moments used to just rush in my face and freak me out, and now they slow down and give me room at least in my head. Writing in a journal or exercising helps me too.
Mattheous – college: Live at home if possible, buy a smartphone (it not only keeps all your information secure and with you at all times, but it can be an eBook reader and music player–I use an iPhone 3G), take the time to find at least one good friend at your college either on campus or off who you can just be yourself with and not be thought of as a weirdo for it. Also, if you do date, make sure you find someone who is a good match. After the Hell I went through with dating in college, I became a Celibate.
Genevieve – college: Work while being around friends helps feel like you’re getting your people fix, but isn’t as exhausting as having meaningless conversations if you’re not up to it.
Heather – starting grad school this fall: Living on campus is tough, but that’s definitely a good way to meet more people and break free from your family (I’m still having issues with this, 12 years *after* getting my degree!). Just be true to yourself and stand up for yourself–if you get a sucky roommate, work to get yourself in a better situation. Assert your needs in a rational way. Appreciate when you find a life preserver in the situation.
Nicole – college: try out online classes. they level the playing field between extroverts and introverts. read as much as you can about personality types. it will help you remember that your tendency to be quiet is not a problem that needs fixing.
Kevin – high school: Never found one. None whatsoever. It’s a sea of ignorance and being compared on terms of extroverts where I lack people to relate to or assist me.
Allison – college: Do whatever you know works for you and ignore other peoples judgements.
Meg – no longer a student: Repeat after me: “There is nothing wrong with me!” And read. This site… books on introverts and personality types, etc. Know that you’re not alone. Although you probably want to be. Appreciate that you function differently from “them”. Yes, it looks fun going out on a Friday night with the gang for drinks, but remember how it makes you feel when you do it. If you feel like crap afterward, then is it something you’re willing to do on a regular basis? And when you look around at others, don’t look at the extroverts. I mean, they’re impossible to miss, but look out your own kind… the introverts. Look at what they’re doing. Do they look comfortable and at ease with their actions? Probably. Emulate them. You are one of them, and you are valuable.
Alexandra – college: I have two roommates. They are both fairly extroverted, so they work off each other and I don’t have to work to be active in conversations. I got high quality headphones to shut out the noises that bother me.
Jennie – post grad: be open to learn about who who you are and accept it… it was a huge relief to disicovered I’m normal the way I am. OR go to christie’s blog (it helps a lot)
Tommy – high school: Be aware of my introversion so I can explain to others why I need time to recharge after social situations.
Caitlin – college: It really is a waste to worry about what other people are thinking. Be yourself, don’t try to prove yourself to anybody else.
Brianna – college: I’ve learned to stop stressing out so much for things that are out of my control and I’ve learned to avoid/ignore people who make me upset and disrupt the time that I need to recharge.
Janine – college: Now that I’m in graduate school, I’m alot smarter about managing my time and my energy. I’ve also come to accept myself and to realize that I have a lot to offer based on my personality. There are always going to be people who will think you’re strange if you’re not like them and I’m comfortable with them thinking whatever they want.
Jack – no longer a student: Carry earplugs with you for when you have to really concentrate during tests and other quiet study times. Avoid the libraries and study rooms. I have found that those are often the loudest places with the most distractions. Live alone in a small unit while in college. The extra cost is worth it. Try to get the same teachers you already had for other classes. That means fewer people you have to develop a relationship with.
Gaara – college: I have no suggestions. I struggled to insert myself as an introvert throughout high school, and the struggle has not ended in college. Groups still overwhelm me, and more often than not I just take the small deduction I get for no class participation. It usually doesn’t affect the grade too much.
Anne Pauline – college: Establish an organization at school specially for introverted students. Extroverts can join too, as long as they can keep up with us 
Hermit – college: I go my own way and don’t feel guilty about it. I am friendly in class but once class is over, I go off by myself, and I’m OK with that.
Silver Grey – college: probably by having role models who have found a balance between their wants of being extroverted while being comfortable being an introvert when they felt like it but didn’t isolate themselves or ran, and now are successful because of that habit.
Sarah – high school: Reflecting and writing things down beforehand, so you have things to bring up in class. Earplugs are great. Finding unexpected areas (certain rooms or hallways, etc) that are quiet and fairly unpopulated. Setting up a time of day that you can always rely on will be your time. Reading about other introverts so that you don’t feel alone!
Melissa – college: It’s okay to go places by yourself; even though it may seem like everyone’s looking at you, they’re really not. Find a relaxing, peaceful spot where you can just sit quietly and get away from other people (especially if you live on campus and with a roommate who happens to be an extrovert).
Kimmie – college: Don’t feel pressured to act like an extrovert. Being an introvert has its own great advantages, so embrace it. If you make sure to look around, there will be other introverts you can connect with.
Anna – post grad: Not really. I think realising that you’re not “wrong” but are just different is a big step. I’ve found that as time has gone on people have matured around me and been less judgemental about things. I would say joining in a club or something which is close to your heart is good. I tried hockey and I met a few nice people but most weren’t really my type, so I’m thinking of joining and environmental group. I wouldn’t commit to anything where I HAD to attending meetings all the time though. I’ve also been using a site called 43things where you list some lifelong goals. To feel as if I’ve achieved a big thing such as displaying some artwork makes me feel as if I *am* living my life and I can look at clear results. It just keeps in mind what the important things which I want from life are.
Tim – post grad: As a young introvert you find out that you’re amongst people who show various levels of intolerance or misunderstanding towards you. Some mean well, some are hostile. Looking back, I would have benefited from taking a calmer approach to the differences. It took me until about age 25 to realise that I was fully capable of making myself feel bad, or good, regardless of circumstances! The way you feel starts and ends in your mind – only you can calm you down, and if you stay calm no one can hurt your feelings. So you work at staying calm. Meditate, relax, run, write, draw, whatever helps. It’s very damaging on your sense of self to keep going in to battle – whether it’s against yourself (wishing for a change of personality) or against others (insisting, sometimes tearfully, on your right to be the way you are). Rather than arguing, just calmly follow your own path. Also, always keep an eye out for the tolerant people out there. Having said this, if you find yourself the victim of a bullying campaign at school or otherwise, I would recommend seeking family and professional help.
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These introverts have said it very well. Relax and accept your personality; you’re not flawed or lacking in any way. Pursue your interests and try to make friends in those settings. Find things like meditation, exercise, or other things that relieve stress and make you feel great – and be sure to take time to do them. Spend time alone when you need it; it’s a necessity. You can always plead the need for some studying, if you don’t feel like going into why. And…always carry a good set of ear plugs!
Thanks again to those of you who’ve taken the time to answer this survey! I’ll be quoting from the other answers in future posts. Meanwhile, next time we’ll see what percent of introverts answered each way on questions about how much of a challenge they had with things like trying to find time to be alone, conflicts with extroverts in their lives, and finding someone to date!
Photo credit: Jeff.Dlouhy
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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Inspiring post. I can’t agree more with that one has to find something relaxing. Meditation is an excellent way to release stress. And of course the ear plugs work too!
Relaxing does help. As an introverted student, I sometimes feel as a outcast because I do seem to fit in with the big crowds. I have my best friend and my girlfriend. I am usually content with that. But sometimes I do get lonely. But the truth is, my introversion almost makes me feel depressed from time to time. However, I try to realize that introverts are no different than anyone else. They just react differently in social situations.
Having a best friend and a girlfriend really is wonderful Charles! I understand though, when we’re in a big crowd and everyone else is talking to each other, it can make us feel like something’s just not right. Remember you have those two good quality relationships though, and try to enjoy yourself, even when alone in a crowd!
“Hermit – college: I go my own way and don’t feel guilty about it. I am friendly in class but once class is over, I go off by myself, and I’m OK with that.”
Holy cow, I didn’t write this, but this is my daily life exactly. Once class breaks for lunch, I get away as quickly as I can to an unoccupied computer lab where I can sit and surf the net and relax for a little bit in peace. For the longest time it was just me for the entire hour and it was just glorious. Now my “introvert advantage” has disappeared as some classmates of mine have discovered they enjoy eating in there as opposed to the cafeteria…oh well. When that happens I just take out my headphones.
And once the day ends and I head home I don’t see anybody in my class again until the next day. And with maybe one exception, I’m perfectly cool with that. I think early in the year before each person’s “quirks” were established, this sort of thing turned people off from me. Now they don’t give it a second thought, which is nice. But apparently (speaking from a sort of unpleasant recent experience) I’m damned if I ever want to go in the opposite direction and go out to lunch with somebody. God forbid the quiet introvert asks somebody if they’d like to go out to lunch! And as my treat no less.
I find hobbies are great to keep occupied and it affirms that I’m not missing out on anything. Photography is one of my big things. For example, every couple of weeks I find myself in the following mental debate between “uncomfortable Friday night out socializing with people I barely know” or “gaining personal satisfaction from spending an evening by myself editing pictures I’ve taken in Photoshop”. The latter wins every time.
Ah, when “the good spot” gets infiltrated by PEOPLE!
Yes, everyone does get so accustomed to us saying no thanks that they start to forget about us! As much as I usually crave an hour alone each day, I do say yes sometimes. It’s enjoyable, (although I miss my hour alone!) and I don’t want to become totally isolated/forgotten. One thing I used to do when I was a student was to go sit at a desk which was overlooking a huge commons area to do any light studying. That gave me a way to be “with” and available to others sometimes, then I’d go be totally alone when I wanted to do that later.
Geez Im like the girl version of you. I look like your typical extrovert but I am just like you. Happy to make meaningless talk with blabber mouths around me, but more than happy to run the hell out of there after class. Because I “appear” to look like your average extrovert who doesnt look like your average “reject geek”, people interpret my introversion as “stuckup” or “bitchy” so over time, I’ve learned partly how to “get my say” into a group of blabbermouths just so that I dont look ridiculously quiet or like a total hater. but its not enough, because i can never seem to get out of there fast enough. The library is also where I deflate all of that pent up frustration during lunch. Ive also learned that my own hobbies are the best things going for me. Although I do think meeting other introverts can actually be beneficial
Hey Karmen, sounds like you have the situations and people around you figured out very well! Too bad the blabbermouth folks don’t educate themselves a little too, so they’d realize you’re not stuckup or bitchy!
Well i guess people arent going to stop and “think deeper” about why everyone is talking about whatever bs and you arent. i started to realize i cant blame people for not understanding because apparently needy extroverts are the majority. i could never understand them so i guess i shouldnt expect them to understand me. although i know we are better than that.. haha
I love the advice to – be yourself and be comfortable with that, regardless what others think. As long you’re not doing anything illegal or destroying the public peace, that’s fine. Even non-introverts are failing to be themselves and easily depressed over judgments. So if one can really master that, nothing can stand in his/her way.
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Exactly. Sometimes it’s hard to remember exactly what being ourselves really is, since there’s so much pressure to be a little pushy, talkative, (and of course I’m thinking of the U.S.) that sort of thing… If people as young as high school and college can manage to be comfortable as who they really are, that’s really great.
The library at ny university is hardly ever used properly– the ‘quiet study’ floors are anything but quiet! Some idiot frat boy was using a computer to watch Hulu. That’s not even what the computers are for, let alone the fact that he should have his own computer in his room. I mean seriously–how can you go to college and no have your own computer?!
As for social activities, my only interactions itu other students is during class or (if they’re someone I consider a friend) a shared non-dining hall meal. I don’t live in campus, so I spend most of my time at home in my room. Not to mention I’m in a cast right now…
As for dating–advice would he great.
Your library – that is ridiculous!!! Wow – well, if you need to study, then you need to go home and study, not to the library, that’s for sure! I’ll set up a post where introverts can chime in with some dating advice for each other – tips that worked for them, etc… but meanwhile:
From looking at your blog, I know you’re into food and cooking – so – any non-credit food classes offered in your community, “taste of…” restaurant promotions, something like that..where you’d have something real to talk about would be great. That eliminates the meaningless small talk that we usually don’t impress with 
and lets you really connect with someone.
1) Like many (most?) of us, you express yourself in writing extremely well. But I know in my case, I do that a whole lot better than I can come up with what I want to say verbally – at least to people I don’t know well. So one thought is to be sure anyone you’re interested in gets to interact with you in written form as well as the usual talking. Your intelligence and wit really shine through.
2) If you go straight home from class every day, who are you gonna meet there?
Oh my, I feel bad for the guy who said he became celibate after not having any luck with dating in college. Wish I could talk to him, there are tons more people to meet after school!
You rang?
Finally! People with whom I can really connect! For a long time I thought I was the only weirdo around who didn’t like interacting with people all day long!
I feel bad for all you guys whose school libraries are too crowded and noisy for introspection. I’m lucky; being in high school, everyone else thinks that spending time in the library unnecessarily is for losers, so the place is almost always deserted. I have made my second home among the peaceful, quiet, book-lined walls of the place so many with social lives call prison.
LOL i hear ya
Try to boost your self-esteem. This would help you feel more comfortable around other people.
Self-esteem is great to have, any time from childhood on up to old age. However, introverts will still find small talk meaningless and boring and will find loud annoying people, well,… annoying.
Thanks for the reminder though, making sure we feel good about who we are is the best protection against the bumps and bruises of the world out there – high school and beyond.
Introverts are great listeners, readers and writers. The Internet was invented just for introverts! If you want to get your point across to an introvert, put it in writing even if you have to go out of your way to find an excuse for writing it! Then give them plenty of time to think about it. If possible, wait until they bring it up themselves even if it takes a week. This will definitely help.
Oh Leah – if ONLY people would listen to you! For example, I’ve had a family member call me on the phone to ask when we’d want to do a large family gathering – something that could be two months away, and of course I can’t think! I stammer that I’m not at the computer and can’t see my calendar and why do we have to know tonight…(in other words, why is this a call instead of an email)…and of course my sweet relative says, “Oh it’s no hurry..I just wanted to ask!” Put it in writing, folks, if you want to give your introverted friend or relative a minute to think about something properly!
Thank you for sharing this information. I believe that introverts just enjoy being alone because they can maximize their own freedom. They love themselves too much or they are thinking that others are just encumbrance. I know they’ll learn to trust others in the end.
When I was in college, I was lucky enough to meet a girl who was also an introvert. We connected immediately and became best friends. This really helped me throughout school because we could interact with and confide in each other, so I didn’t have to surround myself with a large group of people in order to have someone to talk to. I’ve never been the kind of person to have a large circle of friends — I’m sure most introverts are the same way — so it meant a lot to me that I was able to find one really good friend at school.
Yes – if you can find one or more other introverts out there whose company you enjoy, then that will make all the difference in the world. We don’t need large groups of friends, and in fact there’s no way we could keep up with that many people since we prefer deeper, more meaningful relationships.
>> Oh my, I feel bad for the guy who said he became celibate after not having any luck with dating in college. Wish I could talk to him, there are tons more people to meet after school!
Agree with this comment. There are a lot of ways to find your love. So many people, so many persons… Everyone whant to find their love. The guy will be all right, I hope)
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