7 Ways For The Introvert To Communicate Confidently Even If You Don’t Feel Confident

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First impressions count. Like it or not, people will make some sort of judgement about you based on their first impression within the first few seconds of meeting you. You’ve heard it said that ‘you never get a second chance to make a first impression.’ So when you are meeting people for the first time, think of what first impression you want to give them.

Communicating confidently is essential if you are going to succeed no matter what you are doing. As introverts, we tend to be in our thoughts most of the time and are most concerned with what we are going to say. But realize that only 7% of our message is interpreted by others from the words that we use. It’s surprising, isn’t it? You may be surprised to learn the proportions. Here they are:

WORDS – 7%

TONE – 35%

BODY – 58%

It turns out that other people are paying the most attention to our body language. When we speak, people understand what we say by interpreting our appearance, posture, gesture, gaze, expressions and voice. This is why it is so important to move and act confidently and positively.

When you do, they will think that you are confident even if you’re not feeling it inside. Yes, that’s right. Even if you’re not feeling confident, act as if you are.

So, how do you do this?

Here are 7 ways to communicate confidently even if you don’t feel that way:

1. Choose a confidence role model. Who do you know that appears confident? Notice how you can tell what they are feeling by the way they move their body. When you become more aware, you can use this to your advantage.

2. Smile a lot more. One thing confident people have in common is that they smile a lot. There is a lot of power associated with a smile. You don’t have to walk around with a stupid grin on your face. Learn the art of smiling with your eyes.

3. Walk tall with your head and shoulders back at a fast pace. Walk walk like you know exactly where you are going and when you get there you mean business!

4. Keep on moving – Motion creates energy. When you sit still for a long period of time, your natural energy levels automatically lower. What happens when you get up, walk around and return to your seat? You have more energy and you’re given a boost.

5. Eye contact. When you talk to people look them straight in the eye. Realize that there is such a thing as too much eye contact. You’ll make them uncomfortable if you never look away. You just want to make sure they know you are paying attention.

6. Dress to win. Look at your appearance and ask yourself “Do I look confident?” What does your confidence role model wear that gives them an edge? You will be surprised at how better you will feel for it, and it will project a positive image to all others – one that will attract opportunities and people.

7. If you find yourself feeling down, take a look at your body language and change it immediately. YOU WILL start to feel better and more confident immediately.

The way that you move sends a subconscious message to your mind which helps the way that you feel. This is a form of self hypnosis that works from the outside in. Once you begin to tell yourself to act confidently, people will treat you as a confident person and you will become more confident…from head to toe.

How will you make time this week to implement these tips?

About the author: Sherri Frost is a self hypnosis enthusiast who offers tips and tools to help people overcome stress, habits and fear so you can enjoy all life has to offer. Do you want to learn more about self hypnosis? visit http://www.hypnosis-self-help.com. Sherri is a Certified Hypnotist, NLP Master Practitioner and Neuro-Linguistic Love-n-Life Coach.

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58 Comments

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention 7 Ways For The Introvert To Communicate Confidently Even If You Don’t Feel Confident — Introvert Zone -- Topsy.com

  2. I’m a self proclaimed introvert and upon reflection after reading this very interesting article I decided that I’m a very confident introvert. I’m an introvert because I like the sound of silence around me while I enjoy the chaos inside my head. And I’m a confident intorvert because I’m secure in my own world but I’m also secure in “our” world. Hmmm… will definitely reflect on this topic some more.
    Elise´s last post ..Galaxy Tab is iPad’s Contender

  3. cb – It was my absolute pleasure to write this for your fantastic blog!

    Frank – you are so right! A posture of confidence not only makes others think you have confidence, it actually creates confidence. It’s easier to be unsure of yourself if you are slumped over…plus it restricts the oxygen intake.

    Elise – I love your description of why you are an introvert – very well put. I don’t think extroverts always get a good read on our body language…hard to tell.

    Calking Chi – thanks!
    Sherri Frost @ Self Hypnosis´s last post ..Self Hypnosis- Overcome Stress- Habits and Fear So You Can Enjoy Life!

  4. These are very useful since I’m an introvert myself. The only thing that needs to be done is to practice the methods you have shared here until I can make it my automatic response. 🙂

  5. Hi Sherri,

    Thank you so much for this wonderful post. It was quite a revelation to learn that 58% of the attention goes to your body language. Wow!
    Self-confidence is something that I never learned when I was little. I come from a “poor country” and I discovered that somehow that condition made me feel that I had to apologize for it, of feel sorry for my self… I work on my self esteem everyday, and your post is definitely giving me great material !!
    Gabriela´s last post ..Overcoming Low Self Esteem

  6. Wow I didn’t realize the proportions of words to body to tone were so imbalanced! This is very helpful even for people who aren’t introverts. One thing I noticed about myself is that I tend to touch my hair and face a lot whenever I feel nervous talking to other people. I hope to get over that!

      • This reminds me of on Hitch, the film with Will Smith, when he explains similar proptions to explain to men that pretty much all of what they are saying ‘ain’t coming outta your mouth.’
        This is good to help introverts understand extraverts too (I’m an introvert and I’ve noticed it) because it can help us understand their reaction to what we are saying, i.e., if we are talking too much because we’re passionate about something noticing their body language can help you realise and stop because conversation is a two way street – the best thing I read on this is an introvert who, when realising they’ve said too much, simply say “But don’t get me started…”.

  7. I’ve found out that the dress or outfit I wear helps a lot in projecting myself to other people. I don’t dress up outrageously, that’s different. Instead I dress to bring out the sexy in me. Yes. No need for people to tell you that you are sexy to start acting like one. Dress sexy and feel sexy, and soon the compliments will be pouring in! 😀
    Ashley@Julklappstips´s last post ..Bärbar Solcellsladdare till Mobilen

  8. A great post! I recognised a number of techniques that I use with people who come to me for help with their confidence levels.
    One technique I frequently use and which has had great results I anchoring. The vast majority of people who lack self confidence have had at least one moment in their life when they have felt confident. Anchoring involves recalling this memory. I get my clients to imagine they can put this memory on a huge tv in their mind and using the tv remote control I help them to turn up the setting so the memory becomes louder, brighter, more colourful etc. When the intensity of the memory peaks I tell them to create a circle by pressing their first finger and thumb together to create a circle and to lock the memory into this circle.

    When they want an instant confidence boost in future all they need do is press that first finger and thumb together and the confident memory comes back and give sthem the boost they need. Simple and effective!

  9. Guess I’ve been an introvert my entire life. It doesn’t affect me. Only those around me. I do get tired of the “are you alright question” from people who have known me lifetimes.
    I have my own little life going on inside my head and frankly I like it better than the outside world. Handled correctly introversion has its pluses. Not having to deal to directly to often with certain people has been a boon not a problem.
    don´s last post ..O My Aching Feet updated Sun Sep 26 2010 3-13 pm CDT

  10. Yes, I have read elsewhere that body language constitutes majority of what we communicate. If you think about it, we do it all the time – when someone is talking to us, we track (sometimes subconsciously) the million things that are going on on his or her face, not to mention hand gestures and other such movements. And we form the impression of what they are trying to convey to us. It’s just amazing!

    All 7 are good confidence points; if I were to pick one, I’d pick eye contact – it’s the single most important thing. Of course, I agree, it shouldn’t be overdone, else people will forget what they are trying to say to us, the moment they notice our intense stare.
    Shan @ Credit Card Debt Relief´s last post ..Oct 2- Credit Repair Debt Management Services- Help With Credit Card Debt Repair

  11. The “dress for success” part has been the hardest for me to master — it’s taken me so, so long to realize that the people I think carry off any old rag as “cool” is that THEY believe it’s cool. Or rather, they don’t think about it; they just wear whatever and it works for them. Slowly I’m getting there…

  12. Among the numerous self-help articles posted. This one caught my attention. I consider myself as “introvert” specifically a melancholic-phlegmatic type of person. I have an inner struggle on how I can create a sphere of influence effectively and confidently among my colleagues and students. Through the posted above I got valuable insights on how can I can communicate effectively and create a good impression to them. Thanks!

  13. but then, I’m usually confident, I just don’t do these things when I don’t want to be bothered & people (predators? extreme extroverts?) ignore those cues (or are attracted to them? trying to fix/control them?) Are there tips for that?? They’re strangers, usually and I’m an attractive female…”Smile…B*tch!, ” etc…

  14. I believe that introvert people have different cases or reasons why they are afraid of socialising with new people that surrounds them. Low self-esteem is the common factor on this. But you can overcome this negative aspect as you live your life by learning how to adjust with people. Learn how to be flexible but don’t pretend in such a way that the “REAL” you will temporarily disappear just for the sake to join in certain group of society. Mingle with people whom you are comfortable with. People that are reliable and people that makes you laugh and can build your self confidence in a right way.

  15. Maybe always if you ask yourself what is the questions someone may ask you and how they will react to what you say, then if you play it in your mind you will feel prepared and ready to respond easily to any questions or reactions they may have. So knowing people and keeping in mind ‘what the worst can they do’ may help to communicate confidently.

  16. This is actually so so true. I was really shy before. Never looked anyone in the eye for long, shoulders down, never walked proudly. Little by little I managed to change all that by reminding myself. No I’m much better at social events and don’t feel “handicaped” anymore!

  17. Puts a bit of pressure on the first meeting. I try so hard to make a good first impression with a smile, firm handshake, positive attitude that I forget to listen to what anyone says. 🙂

  18. When I first read the title I was going to say “in writing”, but when I read the article I realized it champions the power of none verbal body language. This is something I really believe in and whilst it sometimes gets a bad press, a genuine introvert could gain much from reading about NLP. Essentially a core component of this is the science and understanding of none verbal communication. After working with real introverts for many years I suspect the scientific study and reasoning behind why none verbal communication is so powerful – would probably appeal to them.

  19. Today I had to explain a project I was working on when essentially put on the spot in a meeting. I went blank initially, and then I mumbled something completely incoherent because I honestly could not order my thoughts. I looked like a *&&^^% fool and I’m so tired of looking as such. That is not the real me. I am intelligent and articulate, but everyone around me thinks I’m a mealy-mouthed dingbat.

    It’s so embarrassing and it damaging any credibility I might have had as these extroverts run roughshod over me. Do you know one woman I worked for said I wasn’t communicating with a department and no one ever knew what I was working on. When she called me into her office to fire me she said that I should “try and find a job where I don’t work with people.”

    My problem is I am introverted and I am shy as well. I am good at what I do, but I do not shine in meetings and I am not as visible as everyone else. I get over looked and discounted. I need to work and in my field (advertising) it requires I do that on teams with others. However if I can’t overcome this paralyzing effect when I am called on to say something, I’m doomed.

    I know I am not alone. Has anyone else experienced this problems of being introverted as well as shy and it affecting your work life?

  20. WORDS – 7%

    TONE – 35%

    BODY – 58%

    This is why having a real deep and meaningful conversation over email, text or instant message is extremely difficult.

    Only 7% of what is being said is getting through. No tone and no body makes it difficult.
    Nate@TRX Coupon Code´s last post ..Diet to Go Coupon

  21. JohnPautz@Car Carrier on

    First impression really last. I can really relate to this since even the tone of your voice can mean something. Working in a call center industry for quite a long time even if our customers can’t directly see us but with our sighs or smile they can definitely understand if we are willing to help or if we are not interested at all.
    JohnPautz@Car Carrier´s last post ..Hello world!

  22. Agreed. We live in a very interesting era, where we have to make the most of communication without being really present. E-mails, webinars, etc. are all part of our everyday lives and honestly I don’t know whether this will will have a positive or a negative impact on introverts. What do you people think?

  23. It is amazing how much body language speaks to other. It is also important to remember that body language is different for various culture, come are more sensitive than others. Take a look at the Japanese culture, they are able to communicate with out words all together, it is phenomenal.

  24. Fantastic site. Lots of useful info here. I am sending it to some pals ans also sharing in delicious. And obviously, thank you for your sweat!
    mortage´s last post ..1

  25. Elle, I feel you, I’m exactly the same way-introverted as well as shy. I hate it when I’m called on to speak at meetings because my voice always goes squeaky. I can’t look at people in the eye for long when talking to them (although I do think it’s rude to stare into pple’s eyes without looking away), and I’m always getting bypassed at work, even though I’m really good at it. The thought of going to an interview terrifies me so I’ve been in only one job all through. My first boss was a Miranda Priestly cow, that didn’t help my confidence at all.
    i don’t mind being introverted, but I don’t like being shy and un-confident, and I need to do something about it. I’ve noticed that I always feel better when I look my best, so I’ll invest in some nice clothes, since I tend not to care about what I wear to work. I consider myself a work in progress, and I know one day I’ll get there.
    Good luck to all.

  26. I agree that body language plays a major role in conversations. I recently read a book about deciphering body language and noticed I wasn’t sending out an open and inviting signal, so I began to make more eye contact and noticed that really did make a lot of difference. I understand that making eye contact and really listening can be difficult since we as introverts are used to thinking inside our heads about the next thing to say, but trust me the other person can tell when you’re not genuinely listening. Based on some feedback, I’ve learned that it’s just best to totally focus on the other person’s words and create images in my head to better understand the topic. It helps me to then formulate insightful questions, which people love to answer.

  27. Pingback: 7 Ways For The Introvert To Communicate Confidently Even If You Don’t Feel Confident | Kvinto

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